KrazyKat
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/05/07
Posts: 1714
Loc: Somewhere in the Middle
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Replying in general...
A person doesn't change all of the sudden during/after divorce/seperation. If a person had their head in the sand before the divorce/seperation, they're going to have their head in the sand afterwards as well.
They aren't going to miraculously change unless they themselves have the ambition/will to make a change. There are NOT that many people who are willing to make a change.
You know the old saying, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks". Well, same could be said for a lot of people too.
It's amazing to me how many people think that they can/will change another person and when it just doesn't happen as often as people would like it to, they don't understand why.
If people truly assessed their own situations and history with the "other" person, they'd realize that person is the same as when they were together. You, (meaning in general you) were just more tolerant and forgiving of the behaviors at the time.
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If you have a problem, build a bridge and get over it!
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Runswithscissors
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 05/29/04
Posts: 13381
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In the post, from the other night on my WWYD you said this:
"The RESPONSIBLE thing to do would be to demand the keys, or to call her a cab.."
That was assuming MY town had cabs.... which they do NOT. But you "laugh" at the thought of taking a cab or bus....
WTF......
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Runswithscissors
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 05/29/04
Posts: 13381
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OH MY STARS... I AM IN F*CKING TEARS OVER THAT POST MELODY!!!!!!! Vagina removed and penis inserted...... ROFL!!! Classic!!!!
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preemiemom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/17/07
Posts: 19391
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[quote]But I will never think stepping away from the CS situation as "enabling" my ex. Because ultimately I can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do. If anything, by me not stepping into the court mess, I save my sanity...which is more valuable to me than the piddly amount of CS he's supposed to pay.
And in my opinion by JL forgiving CS...THAT is enabling him more than anything.[/quote]
Very good observations RJ!!
They are continuing the same cycle of behavior they probably did married. He does what he wants, she acquiesces for a while, then "stand tough", he "agrees".. not really meaning any of it and does what he wants anyway and the cycle begins all over again.
The cycle has already repeated itself here in the last 6-9 months. Don't pay.. JL keeps track.. wonders and frets what to do.. eventually decides to do something.. feels guilty she did... ex tries to make conciliatory offers to mend his bad ways (financially).. she wavers on what to do/not do... comes here.. gets strong... something is defined... ex behaves briefly.. goes back to status quo... rinse and repeat.
And she didn't gain anything out of it. BUT it cost her.. time, energy, increase in her anxiety level, who knows what else.
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preemiemom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/17/07
Posts: 19391
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yes, I laugh at the thought of using a CAB as a PRIMARY source of DAY TO DAY transportation to and from however many jobs it takes to pay child support. HERE.
Now that I've addressed that FOUR freaking times, think it'll sink through now?
Oh, btw? When you're referring to potential DUI.. that's the standard thinking.. take the keys.., call a cab. It's even an advertising campaign for christ's sake. One might want to learn the meaning of "turns of phrase".
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preemiemom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/17/07
Posts: 19391
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[quote]OH MY STARS... I AM IN F*CKING TEARS OVER THAT POST MELODY!!!!!!! Vagina removed and penis inserted...... ROFL!!! Classic!!!! [/quote]
Yes. Sad. Really. That the ONLY way a woman could POSSIBLY understand or be sympathetic is by removing their genitalia and replacing it with the male version.
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Runswithscissors
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 05/29/04
Posts: 13381
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You act like you've been there done that... you have NO F*CKING clue what it's like to have to pay CS..... why? Because the first child you gave up and the second child you aborted...... you have never walked on those shoes as a NCP who had to pay CS...... I don't want to hear jack crap from your rambling ass because you have NFC.
JL is doing the best she can...period. You jump on her day on day because you feel superior to everyone and that you have lived it.. done it.... (is there anything you haven't accomplished yet?)......
I CALL BS.... Until you physcially have to PAY CS on your own or are ordered to pay it... you don't know anything... PERIOD.
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KrazyKat
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/05/07
Posts: 1714
Loc: Somewhere in the Middle
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JL comes here consistently "WISHING", "HOPING", "PRAYING" that her EX will finally "DO SOMETHING RIGHT" for her son. She constantly says she wants to "HELP" him, that she "CARES" for him, etc.
If that's the case? Why consistently [censored] and moan and take him to court over money?
He never "DID THE RIGHT THING" while they were married. Which she has stated time and time again. As a married couple she says they were in "DEBT up to their eyeballs".
The man hasn't changed one iota since they divorced. Yet she keeps professing she wished he "WOULD CHANGE", "DO THE RIGHT THING", "TAKE CARE OF HIS SON".
He didn't do that while they were married. He didn't take care of his DD or their son together while they were married. (How many times have we heard how JL had to do it all while ex did nothing) It should come as no suprise that he's NOT doing it now either.
It's the same pattern as before. And until one of them changes the pattern, the cycle is going to continue repeating itself with no end in sight.
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Runswithscissors
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 05/29/04
Posts: 13381
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CSE is doing this... JL can not control that CSE is taking him to court.
When payments go through the court, if the person does not pay.... or pays short... CSE steps in.... You can't just say "Oh NO, that's fine....."....... So everyone needs to stop blaming JL for this........ CSE is doing their job.
Our CS was never through CSE.. I paid him directly.... so if I stopped paying him... HE would of had to initiate it...... NOT CSE.... but again..... JL's is through the court...... Every state works differently...... but CSE handles deadbeats who do not pay.... each time, she has had no control over the outcome... and in reality... she doesn't have control on this one either..... I would let the judge handle it.......
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KrazyKat
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/05/07
Posts: 1714
Loc: Somewhere in the Middle
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I know how CSE works. My very own case is handled through the CSE.
This time the case was initiated by the CSE for the arrearages and lack of CS payments. However, JL is also stating she can make statements and plead her wants to the judge as well.
Her posting of what she "thinks" is fair and what she will propose to her ex are just not clearly in her son's best interest but of her OWN best interest.
Custody should never be used as a tool for money and that is exactly what she proposed to her Ex in order to make a deal before she got to court with CSE. (IN which she truly doesn't even have to go. CSE handles the $$ portion without you)
So, yes CSE did initiate the court date. (that's a fact) However, JL is only adding FUEL to the fire. And that, is what many people have a problem with.
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If you have a problem, build a bridge and get over it!
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