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preemiemom
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Reged: 01/17/07
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Re: Give an inch, he wants a mile [Re: JennyLynn]
      #419135 - 06/25/08 09:28 AM

Guess I'll be the dissenting view.. as always.

First, yes.. the "arbitrator" needs some grammar and/or typing lessons, BUT alot of what he said has ALOT of truth and value.

I can totally relate to what he's saying about a 27 year old guy shouldn't be living with mommy. Particularly mommy whom isn't allowed to be alone with the child.

My ex is 36, living with mommy and stepdaddy. Albeit paying rent.. but there's still issues. When he moves to the other side of the basement (paying less rent), there will be no bathroom, there will be no living area. As they do know, they hang out, and play, watch TV in Daddy's bedroom. Not ideal.

You're never going to SEE those arrearages anyway. Why not act in good faith?

PLEASE don't bring up the damn car. YOUR choice. He didn't ask you to take the car, you CHOSE to take the car.

Personally? I think you're "laughing" at it shows YOUR character and totally desire to 100% control the situation the way YOU want it to be. And you're not doing yourself, your son, or your ex, any good by it.

You could let it go... accept the agreement. You have a LONG way and a ton of potential dollars to have arrearages on. What's 6 grand in the grand scheme of things?


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MTmom
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Re: Give an inch, he wants a mile [Re: preemiemom]
      #419140 - 06/25/08 09:35 AM

JL - is this old bff a man or a woman?

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JennyLynn
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Re: Give an inch, he wants a mile [Re: preemiemom]
      #419141 - 06/25/08 09:35 AM

PM - no, flat out, I will NOT be doing myself or my son ANY favors by accepting this.

I have let this man control my life and walk all over me for long enough.

If laughing about it proves my character, it shows I'm strong enough to be ABLE to laugh about it.

And tomorrow? This isn't just between him and me. I can't even say a judge would ALLOW me to forgive all his arrears, he is in contempt or court and this is a criminal case - it is the state vs. XH, I don't have all the control.

Sure, some of what he said is true, and a LOT of it is not true, as well as the fact that he's leaving out a lot of the facts.

Did I force him to move home with mommy? Did I force him to make all the decisions he has made?

You can continue to make excuses for this man, I'm thankful I'm finally strong enough to no longer do the same.


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JennyLynn
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Re: Give an inch, he wants a mile [Re: MTmom]
      #419142 - 06/25/08 09:36 AM

It's a man.

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1966Gal
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Re: Give an inch, he wants a mile [Re: JennyLynn]
      #419143 - 06/25/08 09:38 AM

I agree the "arbitrator" is ridiculous. But, he has a point.

No, I wouldn't "forgive" the past-due amount, but I would agree to "hold it", interest-free/penality-free for 5 years. It will be due, in full, 5 years from now. That would get that monkey off of your ex's back for now, but not relieve him of the responsibility.

Then, I would come up with a reasonable amount he can pay you each month and still get by.

I would say "OK, here's my deal. He will pay me $xxx a month. He will keep me notified of where he works at any given time. If I have to track down his employer EVER, the deal is off. If he is ONE DAY late, or misses ANY of the $xxx, the deal is off."

If he can't make it on this $xxx, then he needs to get a 2nd job, sell his truck, shut off his phones...I really don't care. Final offer, he can take it or tell it to the judge.

--------------------
The Gov cannot give anything to anyone - that they have not first taken away from someone else.


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youngatheart
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Re: Give an inch, he wants a mile [Re: preemiemom]
      #419144 - 06/25/08 09:41 AM

Sweetie, I think the offer you made of him paying 1/2 (which if paid on time released him from the other half)was the best you could do.

All you can do now is let go and let the Judge do what he wants to do.

Well, that and have lunch with me. Think that might fit your schedule today?


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MTmom
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Re: Give an inch, he wants a mile [Re: youngatheart]
      #419148 - 06/25/08 09:49 AM

That was a pretty girly email for a man. :) I have the worst visual in my head of this guy.. right down to the pink loafers!

Hang in there JL.. it will get better. After Thursdays hearing, I still see your ex as being awfully agreeable to your proposal.. because it's likely going to be much more generous than the one that the judge gives him!!

On the plus side.. you now have a written statement and a witness to call if it is ever necessary to demonstrate the issues surrounding xmil.


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preemiemom
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Re: Give an inch, he wants a mile [Re: JennyLynn]
      #419150 - 06/25/08 09:51 AM

Well.. that letter.. and your "fvck you no way" reply will likely be presented in court. And I will venture to guess YOU will look like the bad guy. You've dragged him into court twice in 6 months.

I HIGHLY doubt you can keep your mouth shut about the goddamned car either and how he's "never paid you a dollar" for a car you ELECTED to handle.

You're going to have a very very very very very long 15 years JL. VERY. I feel very sorry for you. I don't anticipate that you're going to have any "peace" for a very long time.


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JennyLynn
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Re: Give an inch, he wants a mile [Re: youngatheart]
      #419153 - 06/25/08 09:54 AM

I wish I wasn't so exhausted and I'd totally do lunch!! :)

I just talked to BM #1...she always makes me feel better, it always helpes b/c we've gone through very similar situations regarding XH and our children, and although they aren't exactly the same she's always someone good to talk to. She's very strong in her faith and always has the right words to say!

I'm stressing too much about this. I have to stop. I have to stop allowing HIM to have control over my emotions. I'll be there tomorrow, but I'm putting this in God's hands, and He's putting it in the judge's hands. Who knows what will come about today or tomorrow before court at 1pm, I know what I'll be doing - praying for strength! :)


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JennyLynn
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Re: Give an inch, he wants a mile [Re: preemiemom]
      #419156 - 06/25/08 09:55 AM

<<Well.. that letter.. and your "fvck you no way" reply will likely be presented in court. And I will venture to guess YOU will look like the bad guy. You've dragged him into court twice in 6 months.
>>

What?!?! LOL, where did you get that I sent a response like THAT??

It's the same judge - he's well aware we've been to court twice in the last year.

You can think as you want PM - your words no longer upset me! You don't know me, you don't know all the facts. Like I said, you can continue to enable this man - and I'll continue to stay strong for my son - b/c HE is the one who matters in all of this.

I do have peace, I have peace and I have faith that God will lead me in the right direction, and help me to make the right choices as he's done all along. That's what gives ME peace.

Edited by JennyLynn (06/25/08 09:56 AM)


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