matilda
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/11/04
Posts: 2092
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[quote]Again.. all those things? Will end up being reasons he shouldn't have the kid. It's unsafe, he doesn't have adequate transportation, he doesn't have food. [/quote]
And if any of these are true, how did Jenny cause them? She didn't, HE did by his poor choices. Why did he buy a new car instead of a used one that would have a much cheaper car payment? Why did he buy a new car instead of a new one that would have much cheaper car insurance payments? Why does he have to pay $100 for a cell phone instead of getting a prepaid phone just to use in emergencies?
None of these choices benefit the child only himself.
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matilda
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/11/04
Posts: 2092
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[quote]Not playing "victim". I'm not the one running to court every 6 months to get paid. Because it's sooooooo hard to survive. Barf.
I happen to not expect my ex to live in a cardboard box and eat ramen noodles the rest of his life to cut me a paycheck. I have a little more class than to subject another human being to poverty for another person's "best interests". [/quote]
Oooh, that makes you so special because you don't make him eat Ramen. And I am sure that you are helping make sure that he is a wonderful role model for your daughter. If you are lucky she will grow up to be just like him.
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PrincessJ
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/25/07
Posts: 7176
Loc: 39.10 degrees North 94.58 degr...
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Rather than downsize, he also has the option of working to his potential.
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I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.
--Jack Handey
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preemiemom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/17/07
Posts: 19391
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Well.. the car... if he's deeply in debt too.. credit is ruined, he's likely got that so he re-establishes good credit. Something that COULD benefit the child. Needs braces? JL has no credit? Dad can, b/c he does. Plus, if you have a car payment, and no credit and no cash. What happens when clunker dies? no car.. no way to get car.
I can answer all these questions. I've heard the logic, had the debate.. and I agree with the arguments. I asked the same of my ex. And what he said makes sense. He's bankrupt. He had ONE more shot to get a car. A car he will now own forever b/c he can't finance another one for 7 years and he has NO cash.
You don't understand it b/c you haven't lived it and evidently you're not able to even TRY to see the other side of it.
Thankfully, I'm an open enough human being to try to understand it. And I'm fortunate enough to have lived it firsthand.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30386
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...where Susan's first response might be reasonable. Take the amount he is paying on arrears and table it for a few years. That lets him get out of the hole (or gives him no excuse to NOT get out of the hole), allows him to get out of Mommies house (which is benefitial to you and the child), and instead of getting HALF the arrears, you get them ALL, but you have to wait five years or so (which will STILL be shorter than you will see the $3000 anyway).
I am NOT excusing his behavior, but some people hit rock bottom and start digging.
I will guarantee this, if he goes to jail, you won't see a DIME of support while he is incarcerated (and the payments COULD be suspended till he gets out, that is becoming more and more prevelant), and he will lose his job, which will give him the perfect excuse to not pay you for a longer time.
I also have to agree that not even COUNTER OFFERING will make you seem difficult.
Also, if I recall, you said CSE asked you if you wanted jail time, and you said yes. They did the same to me. Then we went in front of a judge, and she was handed 10 yrs probation and $75 a month on over $7000 in arrears. Court MAY not go the way you think.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30386
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...don't usually come with an older car. Actually, on a newer car, the payments are cheaper because they take it out further give you a lower interest rate.
As for te cell phone, I do not recall what he does for a living, but it may be required, and it MAY have a contract (it probably DOES have a contract) which is more expensive to get out of than to stay in.
NOT defending him, but when you are in a hole, sometime you can't ge out without some understanding.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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youngatheart
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 09/03/05
Posts: 9400
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No. I've lived it as a CP. With children to raise. Doing it on my own. WITHOUT a live-in. WITHOUT family. I've had as many as 3 jobs at one time, STILL taken care of my kids as the CP at the same time and STILL made my bills.
Sometimes we had a lot of sandwiches. Sometimes we had a lot of Ramen. Seriously, this is NOT rocket science. I know the area he was living in prior to giving up this most recent residence to live with his mommy. There are all KINDS of places he could have worked without the need for a vehicle. Especially since Jenn moved to just a little ways from him. Does being wihtout a car suck? YES. But if it means providing for your kid and living up to your obligations because you now have an extra $500 a month? Give me a break.
Then you get a second job. You work in the daytime one job and in the evenings another job. I've NEVER had a problem having an employer work around my schedule with my children on the weekends for my 2nd jobs. I worked weekends the kids were with Ex, and any holidays they were with him. It kept me afloat months when I would have been in the hole. HE is in a situation with visitation where he can work not only weekends when he doesn't have his kids, but also evenings Monday-Thursday.
When you're in the hole, you work your a$$ of to get out of it and provide for your kids.
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MTmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 08/23/07
Posts: 2711
Loc: MT
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"if he's deeply in debt too.. credit is ruined, he's likely got that so he re-establishes good credit. Something that COULD benefit the child. Needs braces? JL has no credit? Dad can, b/c he does."
Jl's credit wouldn't be tanked if he had paid his obligations under the divorce decree....
As for the child support topic in general.. you aren't a martyr. You're not the first CP to waive child support in any meaningful amount, and you won't be the last. I did the same thing.. and on top of that I just agreed to drive 200 miles a day for the next 4 weeks to "facilitate" my ds' relationship w/ his father.
Everyone does what they think is best for their kids.. you're opinion differs from JL's.. but neither of you are "wrong" - you just chose different paths for your respective families. I get that. But ease up on her, she's not the one who's failing to uphold their end of the bargain here.
The have a court order. He failed to comply. It's that simple. She tried to negotiate a beneficial settlement w/ him.. he wanted the milk AND the cow.. so no deal.
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Cassie23
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/07/05
Posts: 14714
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I agree- I don't think he will go to jail anyway. He has another kid that he IS supporting that was born first.
The courts are going to allow him to catch up, I think they should re-work his CS to fit a min wage job 40 hours a week. He could get TWO part time jobs working at a burger joint, gas station, etc. if he can't find ONE 40 hour a week job.
They will have him pay a min. amount each month towards arrears. As for dismissing the arrears that IS up to JL and I don't think she should dismiss ANY of the arrears even if she can get him to agree to less visitation and her having sole. Mixing this CS issue with custody is wrong in my eyes.
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Melody
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 10102
Loc: California
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or others in her predicament say that the children were burdens. Where do you come off? You want to be an enabler for your ex, feel free, but since when does the rest of the world have to do things YOUR way? Heck, why should JennyLynn have to give him custody? Why doesn't she just pay his bills FOR him so he can have an easy life???? Makes sense??? right.
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