RJ1
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 12/19/05
Posts: 5164
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What I mean is she acts like her hands are clean of anything and all she does is help him...I disagree. Along the way all her decisions help HER too. She wanted the car and she wanted to go to court...but she makes it seem different. I get totally mixed messages from her...
RJ
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youngatheart
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 09/03/05
Posts: 9394
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EXACTLY...with the deal Jenn made with him, he would be done with this arrearage in 6 months. In 6 months time, he could then look at what he can afford from there. And if he was SMART, he would work 2-3 jobs during those 6 months and save every extra penny to get himeself out of this hole.
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preemiemom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/17/07
Posts: 19391
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Stupid... okay. Again, you've never BEEN in this situation, you have NO idea how EASY it is to get there.
Tell you what. All you women who are soooo vigorously defending JL?
Why don't YOU try being a non-custodial parent, particularly a male one. See how it all works out for you, and how YOU do.
Amazing.. simply amazing. It's VERY easy to sit and judge something you don't have any idea how it works.. in reality.
As for the bicycle/bus pass suggestion.. that's just HYSTERICAL.
And I guarantee JL would be in court 5 minutes later demanding some visitation or custody schedule change b/c he didn't have appropriate transportation "for the benefit of their son".
Seriously.. You make me laugh.
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Redlegg
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26700
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You know, if the judges would quit ordering CS, no one would be in arrears. Its not his fault he can't pay his bills, we should do it like the subprime lenders, just bail them out. This guy knew what he owed, he made choices, the karma biting him is from these choices. JL may have facilitated the court appeaerances, but she did ot initiate them, he did that all by himself. Maybe she does go to court alot, so what, he needs to do what he needs to do. Hopefully the judge will get tired of seeing them. Put the guy in jail for a few months, see if that doesn't adjust his attitude. The third party, hmmm, whatever, her ex seems to talk to whomever he wants when he wants somethng, but now he is at a loss for words. I have zero sympathy for him. I paid CS for 4 years as the NCP just to make sure the ex had a decent chance to get a new start, oh well, life rough all over, and then you go get gas. Its time for Mr. EX to put up with cs or put out at for Uncle Bubba. I forgive him, but he still needs an attitude adjustment, the maximum effective range of an excuse is zero meters.
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preemiemom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/17/07
Posts: 19391
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[quote]"Perfect little fairy" act?
I don't see that of her at all. I see her as unassertive and unsure about a LOT of things, but I think she genuinely wants to do the right thing. Her heart is in the right place. I've always thought that of JL. [/quote]
Hmm... she wasn't unassertive and unsure of herself when she was lying her ass off on here trying to get custody away from mother #1 of child #1 all while her ex was suppposedly beating the crap out of her. yeah, that's unassertive and unsure. Takes a lot of balls to lie like that.
And most here KNOW she's a liar.. but buy every bit of these stories hook line and sinker. That part totally floors me.
But there is strength in numbers I suppose. Hitler had it too... didn't make him right.
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JennyLynn
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/14/05
Posts: 31656
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RJ, you don't have to understand me, we don't know each other in real life. I understand your frustration, and that's OK - I know myself and I know the decisions I make are always with the best intentions for everyone involved, and that's all I need to know.
Regarding the car - NO, he did not have to go out and get something that expensive, but he did, and now he has to live with the car payment.
The cell phone bill - sure, he may be on contract. Is that something he wants to tell his son when he's older? Sorry son I didn't pay CS b/c I bought a brand new car and had a large cell phone payment. Beautiful.
Regarding the car insurance, he actually hasn't even HAD car insurance in months. As far as I'm aware, he still doesn't. But really is a nonissue.
Regarding the money to his daughter's mother - he no longer pays child support. He's *supposed* to pay half of her parttime daycare which is about $160 a month (per BM) and was sending her a check every so often but now owes her about $700.
I'm not a victim, and I've never made myself out to be one. But I've worked DAMN hard to take care of my child during all this mess and I've done a good job of doing so. I worked 2 jobs while going to school up until just a few months ago before I got my new job that pays more. I'd get a sitter at times and work overtime. I can very much remember searching through my apartment trying to find something unopened that I could return at Walmart just to have gas to be able to get to work. I am not financially well off by ANY means but I have something called integrity and so when it comes to my son? If I only had him 4 days a month? I'd be working 5 jobs to make ends meet if I had to. He's never had 2 jobs at once. He willingly told me he's worked a couple of shifts a week for the past several weeks. He has no work ethic - but I've seen his potential and I know he's smarter than he makes himself out to be, I've SEEN it. I KNOW he can do better, but I'm no longer his motivator, his wife, his mother, his punching bag, or his floor and I cannot and WILL NOT be responsible for the choices he has made.
I could write a book over everything I've given up for him, but in the end? It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what I've done and it doesn't matter what he's done - this is about OUR CHILD and the fact that BOTH parents need to be taking responsibility for him. This isn't just about money - it's about being a FATHER. It's about my son deserving the best I can offer him. And that is what I try my best to do every day of my life.
He's in this situation b/c he put himself there. I can't dig him out of his own hole. I've tried and tried and tried negotiating with him, and what does he do? He waits until TWO days before trial, after over 18 months of being in this mess, to even try to discuss it with me. I've done my share - I've negotiated, I've worried and I've stressed and I've made myself SICK over trying to make this man happy and be the best mother I can do. I'm DONE. My ONLY focus is my son and it's quite apparent his priorities aren't the same. Therefor I'll keep doing what I'm doing and he can keep doing what he's doing. I'll stay strong and I'll continue to do what's best for my son, but in the mean time he will KNOW I can no longer be his doormat.
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preemiemom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/17/07
Posts: 19391
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yack yack yack....
Please.... literally? You make me ill.
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youngatheart
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 09/03/05
Posts: 9394
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Try again. I've gotten to see how it works for NCPs. That's a lot of why my order was written the way it is. It's one of the reasons I took so much of a hit when I shouldn't have as far as finances are concerned.
He has options. The only option he seems interested in is the one where Jenn hands him what he wants.
Jenn and I have been over this backwards and forwards. MY initial stance was, "let him go to jail...seriously". But, Jenn is kind, and I understand her premise because I'm there with my ex as well. She'd rather find a way to work it out, but she's not (and I agree with her on this one) willing to give up everything.
If they can't come to an agreement, then a Judge will have to decide. But, I would NEVER suggest to Jenn that she should 100% give up the arrears or regular child support.
As far as his financial situation, he needs to figure it out as a responsible person would do. There ARE options to him. He doesn't have to take all of those options, he doesn't have to take most of those options, but he HAS options. The only one he's interested in, seemingly, is the one where he walks away free and clear.
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matart1
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 09/01/05
Posts: 2798
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ignore the letter - view it as a friend going to the bat for a friend....
maybe it is thought that a mutual friend will turn Jen into a better softy than the court mess and ex.
you do not have to respond except maybe to ask how that person is doing, the weather and "how about those Yankees..?"
then enjoy the rest of your day.
keep the divorce between the people it concerns.
you throw "well-meaning" friends into the mix and it will just ugly from here on out.
--------------------
Life is a long lesson in humility.
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preemiemom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/17/07
Posts: 19391
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JennyLynn...
Would you drop all arrearages and waive any FUTURE child support, if your ex gave up rights.. visitation or otherwise.. to your son?
I am willing to guess the answer is YES, b/c you've said it here before.
And THAT is what makes me sick about you. You'd basically "sell" the boy to his father to get paid.. but if you didn't have to give the boy to the father at ALL you'd gladly give up the money. You've posted it here before. So I already know the answer.
So all this bullshyt about child's best interest is just that. It's bullshyt. Child support is the ransom YOU expect for ALLOWING your ex (that you despise) access rights to the child.
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