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Cassie23
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Re: A spin off of JL's post... [Re: cincsu]
      #419414 - 06/25/08 03:31 PM

Cinscu I agree 100 percent and what I have fought on here since day one of coming to this site. All the CP's would gather and most have that consensus.

But now here we have JL and most CP's on here think that he should go to jail... But then wouldn't that be going against the fact that child #1 should come first? Doesn't that take away from child #1?

I just think sometimes we aren't looking at the WHOLE situation...


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MaritimeGuy
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Re: A spin off of JL's post... [Re: cincsu]
      #419415 - 06/25/08 03:31 PM

I'm guessing the logic is that when the second woman got involved with the man she was or should have been aware a portion of his income was already 'spoken for'. She got pregnant on the basis she and her new partner would support the child on their income after the support paid to the preexisting child. Any calculation of child support from that point on would then be based on his 'adjusted' income.

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cincsu
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Re: A spin off of JL's post... [Re: PrincessJ]
      #419419 - 06/25/08 03:33 PM

julie, i'm talking about extras here...i don't think it's fair for CP of child #1 to get $700 per month whilc CP of child #2 gets $250 per month....they should each get $475 per month because that is what would happen in an in-tact family...doesn't mean they couldn't support their child.

no, my income is not figured into CS, but with all the extras my income certainly pays a portion of things that are advantages to SS: vacations, timeshare, nice home with his own room and hiw own bathroom, our vehicles, insurance, food on the table, extra curriculars, clothing, toys, etc. etc.

DH makes a very good income, but literally 1/2 of his take home pay goes towards items such as CS, daycare there, daycare here, travel and attorneys fees. SS would not have all the extras he gets if we were not a 2 income family. in other words - without me (or a SM) DH likely won't be able to pay anything for SS's college.

--------------------
wife of 1, mother of 2, stepmother of .3475902453


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Cassie23
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Re: A spin off of JL's post... [Re: MaritimeGuy]
      #419422 - 06/25/08 03:35 PM

I don't disagree with that...

However in my DH's case AFTER that amount was spoken for 17% as it is in NYS for one child... They split medical 50/50. She took that back to court and got it changed to 95/5 because she was making hardly anything at the time. Even after the CO- she was going back and having things changed. So what we thought we had after having two of our own children changed.

The courts can do whatever they want- we've seen that first hand.


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cincsu
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Re: A spin off of JL's post... [Re: MaritimeGuy]
      #419423 - 06/25/08 03:37 PM

i see the logic, but i still don't think it's fair....i would even bend what i stated to maintain CS at the same level and continue to increase the second one as income increases but not the first...or even step down the first one over a period of time, say $100/month per year until they were equal....like a phase in phase out.

it isn't the fault of the child (technically where the money is supposed to be used) that there are other siblings. it isn't the child that should suffer if the CP can't support the child - which is a whole other ballgame in an of itself because i don't understand why people have children that can't support them on their own anyway. taxes and death are the only sure things in life....a spouse and a job are not.

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PrincessJ
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Re: A spin off of JL's post... [Re: cincsu]
      #419424 - 06/25/08 03:39 PM

Those are all examples of what you call "advantages". Tjose are not necessities. You don't have to pay for a time share, vacations, nice cars....you choose to do that. How is that a disadvantage to you?


"without me (or a SM) DH likely won't be able to pay anything for SS's college. "

---->I am a single mother and I have no college fund for my three kids. I am one of eight children and my parents paid nothing for our educations. Six out of eight of us are college graduates. A college fund isn't a necessity either.

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I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.
--Jack Handey


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preemiemom
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Re: A spin off of JL's post... [Re: Cassie23]
      #419425 - 06/25/08 03:39 PM

[quote]This would be a good one for PM's ex. NCP is supporting child #1 BOTH financially and emotionally. If he was in arrears for child #2, should he be thrown in jail so that he is no longer supporting EITHER children? Should child #1 suffer because NCP is in arrears with child #2??? [/quote]

And that's where I differ. I would never put that on my ex Or put him in that position.

I'm aware he can't support two children.

I know this for a fact. While people can throw out suggestions, the fact he is the man has x income potential. He already has "y" order in place. Finding a part time job when you leave for your REGULAR job at 6am and don't get home til 6:30pm is NOT easy.

When you have another child 1 evening a week, and 2 weekend nights. EVERY week. Remember, my ex is NOT an "every other week" parent, and his first wife wouldn't allow him TO be one. SHE has to work.

Which is another problem. He has to be available for HER work schedule changes.. b/c of course HER work schedule is HIS problem.

But of course.. he could choose to "get a backbone" and then she can threaten to move her to California. And him penniless and her with a rich aunt who funded 2 weeks in Europe last year for her. That'd be an interesting fight. Her with endless money and him with a 300 credit score, in bankruptcy and barely a roof over his head.

As I said.. people can call it whatever they like. I'm not a matyr.. I'm just not a heartless bytch that thinks my kid is up for sale to the other parent.

Friends of mine used to joke about one of the girl's ex's.. didn't pay child support. Referred to his visitation as "getting him on credit". My ex refers to child support as "ransom". The price he has to pay for the right to see his child.

As I said in the other thread.. and the comment didn't come FROM me, it came from a divorced NCP man who has lived this who would drop off groceries rather than CP mom shoving the money up her nose. He felt I had class.. to not use my kid as a weapon, nor as a means of punishment, nor as a means to better MY life financially. It's one of the reasons he's with me. Respect for how I'm living my life and dealing with my ex. I'm comfortable my position represents someone with class (as HE said.. I hadn't thought of it really that way until he said it at lunch today) and respect for my ex husband.


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Cassie23
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Re: A spin off of JL's post... [Re: cincsu]
      #419427 - 06/25/08 03:40 PM

Well what about raises? Or bonuses? What if the NCP wants to bank those raises, put it towards his 401k or a vacation that benefits all the children? He isn't allowed to because if the courts allow an upward modification based on that raise then CS is revisited and that new monies gets distributed to the CP.

Yet if the CP gets raise or bonus that parent can do as they see fit with it----


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PrincessJ
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Re: A spin off of JL's post... [Re: cincsu]
      #419428 - 06/25/08 03:40 PM

You pretty much answered your own question right here:

"it isn't the fault of the child (technically where the money is supposed to be used) that there are other siblings."

Its not the fault of the first child that there are other children.

--------------------
I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.
--Jack Handey


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cincsu
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Re: A spin off of JL's post... [Re: PrincessJ]
      #419429 - 06/25/08 03:41 PM

absolutely i agree with you princess....i was getting reamed by someone yesterday for not saying i would contribute equally to my SS as i would to my bio-daughter for college. none of those things are necessities, they are extras. they benefit SS. i'm not going to sit around and give everything to my daughter and nothing to my SS is what i'm trying to say.

--------------------
wife of 1, mother of 2, stepmother of .3475902453


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