JennyLynn
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/14/05
Posts: 31656
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LOL thank you!!
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Cassie23
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/07/05
Posts: 14714
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You know what? I guess I'm trying to understand the court systems in OK. What I'm saying is if the courts allowed a CS nonpayment hearing to become a custody hearing that bothers me if in OK those two things are to be kept separate normally.
Another thing that bothers me is had she kept it separate would she have gotten sole custody and the visitation agreement she wanted??
If she would have, then I could see getting it done that way. But the way I first understood it was IF he is willing to give her SOLE and the EOWeekend visitation THEN she will take away some of the arrears.
Was that the deal? Or like Susan said did she just want the new order to reflect what is already taking place?
Also Susan, her ex was keeping her son till Monday mornings- the new order is till Sunday at 6pm, so he lost some of what he did have and was using.
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Spring
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 7972
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I had full custody of my son up until he was about 12. I still involved my ex in every decision made...and only on one occassion did I have to "pull rank".
In some cases. I think it is better to have one parent making all decisions. In some cases, the parents can not co-parent.
Regardless of what is layed out, there is still absolutely no reason for JL's ex to not be the daddy the boy needs. There is nothing stopping him legally from doing anything but having a say in the day to day decissions.
I personally did not agree with my ex not having joint custody. I actually had though he did have it...until something made me check. We practiced joint anyway..so when the time came that we finally did our divorce papers, it was changed.
JL, having sole custody gives you way too much unilateral power, IMO. I am not saying it is wrong for your situation...I am just leary of one parenting having that much power over another. I am hopeful that you will try to respect the boys father for what his position is in your son's life. No power tripping...no moving the boy away etc. You have stated that you did what was right for YOU a few times...and I only saw once where you said you did what was right for your son. I am praying this IS what is right for your son, I can completely understand that it is what's right for you.
Again, I am not saying yur decision was wrong, its not mine to judge. I am just very hopeful you understand the power you have, and that Dad has given up to you, and I pray that you make every decision with what is truly and deeply best for your son.
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Never consider the possibility of failure; as long as you persist, you will be successful.
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Cassie23
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/07/05
Posts: 14714
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That Melody is very true.
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Runswithscissors
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 05/29/04
Posts: 13381
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I agree GAL!
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youngatheart
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 09/03/05
Posts: 9394
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Everything I've seen here, custody and child support are done together.
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Melody
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 10102
Loc: California
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I missed that part. He even got a HUGE break on the monthly CS payments....so preemiemom should be REALLY happy about that now, cuz he'll be able to get the REFRIGERATOR box instead of the DISHWASHER box for his new home.
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Melody
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 10102
Loc: California
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but they are still intertwined if the state is one that uses parenting time in their calculations. So...if you have a custody/visitation issue that gets resolved and there is a change to the amount of parenting time, then an adjustment of child support is automatic as the timeshares are changed. Here in CA, the child support is ALWAYS adjusted as part of the process when parenting time is altered.
I went from having 50/50 with my ex to having sole legal/physical and 0/100. It would have sucked big time, if I had to file a separate motion to then get the child support amount refigured when I now had 100% of the parenting time. Instead it was adjusted right then and there.
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Cassie23
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/07/05
Posts: 14714
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Then there is nothing wrong with how they decided it.
I am used to NYS where that is a huge no--no. I am also used to crappy judges, courts and CS laws.
If OK normally does it that way, then what is done is done.
I do hope it came off as more of wanting the new order to show what has been taking place (as far as custody and visitation) and not I will take off this amount of money if you sign away your joint custody rights. That just gives me a ucky feeling.
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PrincessJ
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/25/07
Posts: 7176
Loc: 39.10 degrees North 94.58 degr...
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Maybe that's why PM finds it bothersome, as well. She's in NYS. They must work very differently in OK.
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I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.
--Jack Handey
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