Jaysmom
recently joined
Reged: 10/18/05
Posts: 15
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I am seeking a divorce from my emotionally abusive husband of 16 years. He is fighting for primary custody of my son. My husband sees dollar signs when he thinks of custody. I see the custody evaluator tomorrow. We are scheduled for court on Jan. 31, 2006.
What is going on now is that my husband gets my son on Thursday nights and every other weekend. My son seems consumed by anger. First he lashed out at my husband, but now it seems to have no direction. It's like he sees red and just starts fighting, verbally and physically. I have scheduled an appt. with a counselor for him, but I still worry. Just thinking about it has me shaking. I know the divorce is long overdue and will be the best thing for my son and me. The process is so hard. I live in PA and the law does not give any credence to emotional abuse. If my husband hit me more often, they would intervene. I feel helpless today.
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CaptainJim
enthusiast
Reged: 01/15/05
Posts: 378
Loc: FLORIDA
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You feel helpless and it makes you shake inside. Imagine how your son feels. He truly is helpless. Odds are he loves his dad and doesn't like what he's hearing or the fact that he may lose him. Odds are that he likes his mom and doesn't like the stuff he's hearing or the fact that he may lose her.
I guess I'd be angry too if I were him.
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Single dad who won custody
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jrl1951
newbie
Reged: 09/23/05
Posts: 30
Loc: New Jersey
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First, I agree with the last poster. My son is 19 now and has had all kinds of problems from the divorce. If you read my post,re:older teens, you will see. Your son needs equal time with his dad, especially since he's a boy. Let him build a relationship with him separate from your relationship with your son. Your son didn't ask for this so don't put him in the middle any more. Of course he is angry, he loves both his parents regardless of their faults. He will see both of your faults as he grows up, he doesn't need you to point them out to him. Second, get him into counseling asap. It won't guarantee anything, but it can only help. Good luck, and remember it's not about money, it's about your kids now and give him 50/50. He's half his son too. Don't talk about your ex in front of the children either. That is one of the worst things you can do.
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Jaysmom
recently joined
Reged: 10/18/05
Posts: 15
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I did read your post about your son and I am sorry for the problems he has. I love my son more than anything and I am not doing anything toprevent him from having a relationship with my husband. I don't talk about him at all. I am more aware than most people of the potential consequences being a therapist myself. I have my son in counseling already.
My husband is the one who is creating the wedge between him and my son. He has always been incredibly selfish and controlling and nothing has changed since we split up. He sneaks into the house when we're not home and takes things. We are not divorced yet so he can do that. He took some of my son's things and that caused a lot of mistrust in my son. He doesn't feel secure in his home or in his relationship with my husband. I try to minimize the impact, but I can't erase it.
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CaptainJim
enthusiast
Reged: 01/15/05
Posts: 378
Loc: FLORIDA
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If there's one thing I've learned it's that there's nothing you can do about your ex. The ex has their own road to build. All you can do is make sure your world is someplace where your child feels calm, safe, and secure.
You are no longer in charge of driving your ex's bus.
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Single dad who won custody
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Jaysmom
recently joined
Reged: 10/18/05
Posts: 15
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I am thrilled to be off the ex's bus. I am concerned about my son and he knows that he is safe and secure at home. My ex has a really hard time letting go of control (the major reason he is my ex!) and it makes it so hard on my son. Thanks for the support. It does help, especially on my crazy days!
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myangels
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 1982
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Why don't you offer 50/50 custody with your son, so you don't have to go threw custody evaluator and all that. How old is your son? Sorry if I missed it.
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Jaysmom
recently joined
Reged: 10/18/05
Posts: 15
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I did offer 50/50 custody. My husband is the one who is pushing for primary, if not sole, custody. My son is 7 years old and is having the hardest time with all of this. I wish this custody thing would just go away, but my husband is determined. He didn't spend much time with my son before we separated and my son is struggling because he is forced to spend so much time with him. I encourage him to have a good time and he knows that he is loved by me always.
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