PrincessJ
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/25/07
Posts: 7176
Loc: 39.10 degrees North 94.58 degr...
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One of my pet peeves is when our kids spring plans on me that they have made without talking to me first. They KNOW this but from time to time, still do it.
So last night, when I pick up the kids, DS8 says, "Mom, dad said to give you our pool pass so you can take us to the pool tonight."
<there goes MY plans for the evening>
I said, "Why would you need to go to the pool if you've spent the whole day there?" (they go to the pool nearly every single day, all day, per the kids)
DS8 says, "Dad couldn't take us today because he was too busy getting ready for the trial."
WTF????
I didn't even have DS12 as he was at track practice so I didn't want to go to the pool and leave him at home alone when track was over. So, I had to tell DS8 no. He wasn't too bothered, really, he had 2 friends over and he ended up spending the night with his two buddies. DS12 showed up at 7:45 and wanted to go to the pool. Just out of curiosity, I asked him, too. "Didn't you spend the day at the pool?"
DS12 said, "No, not today. Dad was getting ready for your trial today. He was too busy."
I kept my mouth zipped but I was annoyed.
I offered to swap days with the ex so the boys could go to a theme park with my brother on July 1st, whaich was supposed to be our trial date. He still has not responded. It makes me wonder if he had planned o n having our kids testify that day and he just doesn't know HOW to respond....that may explain why the kids know so much about the trail.
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I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.
--Jack Handey
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asurvivor
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/14/05
Posts: 3410
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PJ
BTDT! Not much you can do when one parents wants to involve the kids in the battle. My husbands ex ALWAYS KEPT THE KIDS INFORMED OF EVERYTHING THAT WAS SAID. SHOWED THEM E-MAILS between the parents and everything. My skids KNEW IT ALL and ultimately became personal spy for the BM. It was rediculous just like you said.
Just keep doing what your doing. Your kids seem secure with you and know they don't have the same crap in your home so press on with pride!
You may have to do damage control here and there but pick and chose very carefully when to counter the ex's claims.
By the way, EX spending the day getting ready for court IS HORSE SH ITTTT....you would think he'd already be ready. But whatever to him....press on woman!
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PrincessJ
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/25/07
Posts: 7176
Loc: 39.10 degrees North 94.58 degr...
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My guess? I think he is FINALLY completeing our last set of interrogatories, which were due last week. My attorney sent him a letter giving him an additional 10 days so I am guessing he is in a rush to get the interrogatories to my attorney.
If he were to put our boys on the stand, does he have to tell us prior to court?
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I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.
--Jack Handey
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Tweeby
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/05/04
Posts: 7100
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[quote]If he were to put our boys on the stand, does he have to tell us prior to court? [/quote]
The court had a huge fit at the BM for bringing the children to court. The BM wanted them to testify. When the court agreed, there was a specific time that she had to be there with the kids. After fighting so hard for the kids to testify, her lawyer had to call her to get the kids to the courthouse because they were waiting on her and the kids. She 'forgot' the day and time the court (and her lawyer) told her to be there.
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PrincessJ
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/25/07
Posts: 7176
Loc: 39.10 degrees North 94.58 degr...
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The BM had to fight to get the approval of the judge? So he can't really surprise the court with the kids? He's not going to show up July 1st with our kids, right? I wouldn't imagine a judge would like that.
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I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.
--Jack Handey
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Tweeby
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/05/04
Posts: 7100
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[quote]The BM had to fight to get the approval of the judge? So he can't really surprise the court with the kids? He's not going to show up July 1st with our kids, right? I wouldn't imagine a judge would like that. [/quote]
At least not here they can't. The BM did show up with the kids and the court reamed her a new one. The rules were that if one parent wanted the children to testify the court had to listen. It was done in the chambers with only the Judge (actually the magristrate who the Judge appointed and went with whatever was recommended). There was NO reason for the kids to testify because it was well-known what the children would say, everyone was on the same page that the kids did NOT want to live with Dad.
Here no parents were allowed in the room. The lawyers could be present, but that was up to the court. The lawyers could give a list of questions to the court to ask but it was up to the court if they asked the kids the questions or not. For my husband's case, no lawyers were allowed in the room. There was a court reporter present but the parents nor the lawyers were allowed to read what was said.
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BB1
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/26/05
Posts: 8051
Loc: MD
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I had an in tact family when I was a kid and I spent every summer day at the pool too. Rainy days pissed me off because I couldn't go to the pool. So, I don't think that is a huge deal.
"Getting ready for the trial"...that man needs to shut up!
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It's a dog-eat-dog world, and I'm wearing Milk Bone underwear.
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asurvivor
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/14/05
Posts: 3410
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BM showed up with the kids to our court hearing. BM pushed and pushed for years and then decided over christmas break from school (when she had the kids) to dress them up pretty and bring them to court. DH was CRUSHED!!!! My sister was there and she said just go up and give them a hug and tell them you love them NO MATTER WHAT!
The judge did talk to the kids one on one! Not together. I think it was just a feel good tactic from the judge to the BM. He heard the kids out and today SD says, I must have sounded so stupid to that judge. I didn't know why I wanted to move and I couldn't tell him anything negative at dads. It didn't do any good even though Bm got her wish. The kids couldn't explain why they wanted to live with BM and our judge was not naive.
Putting them on the stand IS VERY DIFFICULT. He'd have better luck of them talking directly to the judge.
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PrincessJ
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/25/07
Posts: 7176
Loc: 39.10 degrees North 94.58 degr...
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My fear is that he is filling the kids heads with big promises and programming them for testimony in the judges chambers or on the stand. They know a LOT about trial, from what they've said to me at home. I haven't prodded them for info but I do fear he is making them promises if they testify as he wants to the judge. KWIM?
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I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.
--Jack Handey
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PrincessJ
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/25/07
Posts: 7176
Loc: 39.10 degrees North 94.58 degr...
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that man needs to shut up!
---->Agreed.
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I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.
--Jack Handey
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PrincessJ
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/25/07
Posts: 7176
Loc: 39.10 degrees North 94.58 degr...
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Putting them on the stand IS VERY DIFFICULT. He'd have better luck of them talking directly to the judge.
---->I don't want either to occurr.
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I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.
--Jack Handey
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MaritimeGuy
addict
Reged: 04/15/08
Posts: 532
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A lot of this stuff reminds me of the old King Solomon (?)fable where two women claim to be a child's mother...
All too often in real life one side is too prepared to see their kid cut in half so they can get their "share". Sad really...
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PrincessJ
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/25/07
Posts: 7176
Loc: 39.10 degrees North 94.58 degr...
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[quote]A lot of this stuff reminds me of the old King Solomon (?)fable where two women claim to be a child's mother...
All too often in real life one side is too prepared to see their kid cut in half so they can get their "share". Sad really... [/quote]
That is so true! Great comparison!
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I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.
--Jack Handey
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Tweeby
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/05/04
Posts: 7100
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Believe it or not but the Judges ARE used to this. Kids are going to be nervious as anyone would be. If they speak like they are doing a speach the Judge knows they were prompted.
For a Judge to actually listen to what the kids are saying, the kids are going to have to speak in their own words and have reasons that are age apprioprate and if not damn good reasons why they are 'above' the age with talking.
With my husband case, there was a psych eval done through the courthouse. No actual tests but the parents talked together and than each 'family' alone with the kids and than the kids alone.
We had to pick a game to pay in front of the caseworker which was a certified counselor. We picked "Skipbo". The game was 'stacked' with a lot of reverses and pentalities. I picked it up pretty quickly because we DO play that game. It was a way to see the interaction of the family. My YSS would start to have fun and then you would see the table move and my YSS would pout again. My OSS was kicking my YSS to make him stop and be aware that he was having fun. All of this was documented. By the end of the game, my OSS was having fun also.
My SSs never gave any reasons on why they didn't want to live with Dad. They did say they were angry at Dad for making their Mom upset when he filed for a change of custody. Big red flags there.
The BM and the kids brought up that *we* talked to them about court, BUT the kids mentioned that Dad said wouldn't talk to them about it when it was their right to know what was going to happen to them. So who in reality was talking to them about it? Not us but the BM.
The court sees all of these inconstantities. The BM also said that *we* limited phone contact when the kids were with us. Yep we did. This was after we talked to the GAL (when the GAL was finally ordered) and visitations were set up again. The previous summer during the custody case my SSs came for 2 weeks with a cell phone. There were like 6 to 8 calls PER DAY. No reason for that. We limited the calls to once per day for the weekend. One for Friday (which we picked up at 6 pm), one for Saturday, and one for Sunday (where we dropped off at 6pm). If on Saturday the CHILD asked to call we would allow a 2nd call but no more. In 48 hours (Friday 6pm to Sunday 6 pm) an 11 yo and a 17 yo should not have to talk to their Mom more than 3 or 4 times. Heck they should be able to go 48 hours without talking at all. But on the flip side, my husband didn't get to talk to his kids at all during the time they were with Mom. His calls would go unanswered and no way to leave a message. The BM excuse? The kids didn't want to talk to him.
The court looks at the WHOLE picture. At least here they did. yes, it does sound bad that my husband limited contact but in 48 hours that he had the kids, he allowed 3 to 4 phone calls. That in NOT really limiting contact.
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PrincessJ
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/25/07
Posts: 7176
Loc: 39.10 degrees North 94.58 degr...
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The idiot responded in the affirmative. We are going to swap days & I'll be able to take the guys to the theme park. yay!
Oh, and a side note: I'm taking the day off work Tuesday so *I* can go, too!
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I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.
--Jack Handey
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