Nick51
recently joined
Reged: 07/10/08
Posts: 3
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I am finding it very challenging to know what to say to my kids as I cntinue to try to take the "moral high road".
My wife cheated on me and almost immediately, 5 days after I moved out supposedly to work on our marriage, loverboy was sleeping at my house on a regular basis. I have four girls 12,9 and 7 yr old twins. My wife continues to tell my kids that he is just a friend and that we are divorcing because Mummy and Daddy were fighting all the time.
I feel strongly that I do not want to protray their mother as a liar - she will be their mother for ever - but it kills me that they are being told these lies.
Any ideas for a compromise on what I can say to my girls when they are with me?
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30378
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"The reason Mommy and Daddy are divorcing is adult stuff. You need to know that we both still love you and nothing has changed about that."
And LEAVE it at that. Your wife is a tramp, SURPRISE, that is why you are divorcing. She is still their mother. ANY questions that come up, that are none of their business, be HONEST, "That is something between adults, and not really your concern." And end it there.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7139
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I like gr8dad's response and you could also say "Mom and I just don't see eye to eye on some important things" (again adding that you both love them)
They will figure out eventually what is really going on. (especially the 12yo) There is no need for you to be brutally honest. It may be hard to take the high road now but it will be well worth it in the future. Besides there will come a time when you are very glad that you held on to your standards. No one can take that away from you.
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30378
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...say, "You should never EVER say ANYTHING negative to your kids about your ex. It truly ruins the moment when they figure out what a POS they are ALL BY THEMSELVES."
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7139
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AMEN! LOL
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6495
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LOL....nice one !
I would be super vigilent about boyfriends as your girls enter their teen years.......it's clear that they will not get much of an abstinence lesson from their mom
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yregna
veteran
Reged: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
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Divorce is a war and your kids are just another weapon to be used to win. Do what you have to...
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"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..."
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"
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nolonger
enthusiast
Reged: 09/15/08
Posts: 305
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I see why you struggle with this. Your daughters can be influenced by the lack of morality their mother has. GOd forbid they immitate her behavior.
Are you religious? Try teaching them good morals through that objective source rather than using their mother as an example of how not to be.
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