DeeCee
addict
Reged: 10/08/07
Posts: 420
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Mullan, as one person to another who believes in Christ please come here to this board with a discerning ear.
As a woman of Christ (though this board is at sometime a good venue to vent and put all you are goingthrough in word) be mindful that an equal number of angry and insensitive people may be on here as well..and words of discouragement or finger pointing is not going to do anything BUT help you, only to mentally bring you down.
Rememebr if Christ went through hell WE will go through our own hells as well. We are all being pushed to our limits when going through our divorces. And no I do not advocate use of violence to resolve any issue especially hitting between man and woman..but that is what the devil wants you to do...push your buttons to make you lose your mind.
You may need to get on your hands and knees and pray PRAY for guidance and forgiveness to the Lord. Then do something proactive and seek out a lawyer who is on your side. Ask and you will be answered, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened.
Come here yes. If you want to write, but close your ears to anyone who tells you, you are an abuser..to call you that is an insult to women who have had their heads smashed in by loving husbands.
Hindsight is 20/20. We would all not be here if we didn't even marry the partners we did...but that being said. Find a lawyer through legal aide or through your church who will be on your team. Look if serial killers can find lawyers who advocate for them. A mother who made an error in judgement would be able to have her day in court and not have her kids and possessions stripped from her.
Edited by DeeCee (08/23/08 09:02 AM)
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stuckinarut
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 10/12/07
Posts: 1631
Loc: Island of Man
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I am definetly living in a Nightmare!
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"The King of fraud and corruption"
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Maury
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 8146
Loc: This Asylum --->
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I don't think your wife is bragging about her relationship with you either Stuck.
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BeckaLeigh
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/08/05
Posts: 6875
Loc: Texas
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Of your own making.
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I tried being normal once. Worst five minutes of my life.
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momus2
newbie
Reged: 08/07/08
Posts: 49
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Okay. Intent to cause harm is one thing---doing it is another. Sounds like your husband blocked your slap. Then he pushed you to the ground and pinned you against the wall while calling you vile names. Now, you need to take a deep breath and honestly examine that scene. Were you scared? Did you feel an imminent threat of bodily harm? Why did you feel the need to dig your fingernails into his neck? What did you think would happen? If you can honestly say that you feared for your safety and well-being and needed to get away, you were defending yourself, not being abusive. I don't believe the attempted slap comes into play legally. So, try to get beyond the guilt, terror, whatever, enough to truly examine your feelings and motives of your actions at the time, and then get a good attorney who understands and represents you thusly. It's hard to imagine your husband fearing so much for his safety that he had to push you down and pin you against the wall, given his size.
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BeckaLeigh
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/08/05
Posts: 6875
Loc: Texas
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I have to wonder if some of these female poster's responses would be the same if it was a male posting this exact same thing. The double-standards in our society now really makes me sick. We scream for equality, but most don't seem to want it. I have heard women screaming in court about how their H's hit them. Yes, they hit their H first, but he is so much bigger and scarier than her. BS. You put yourself there, you get what you get. Not saying they are all deserved. But, why is it ok for a woman to lose her temper and expect a man to stand there and take it, when we wouldn't do it???????? Bullshyt.
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I tried being normal once. Worst five minutes of my life.
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motorboater
old hand
Reged: 03/14/08
Posts: 921
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They wouldn't. It is BS.
Apparently, if the target successfully defends him/herself (by blocking the strike) then the target is no longer the victim of assault.
Or if the target FEELS that he/she knows how to defend him/herself (thus feels little/no fear during your attack), then the target can no longer be a victim of your assault.
IOW, if you went up to Evander Holyfield and launched a barrage of punches, you've in no way assaulted him because he would like block most/all of it and feel no fear of you.
IOW big men who try to capably defend themselves cannot be assaulted. Right.
Or, if he's not nice AFTER your assault of him, then your assault didn't occur.
Or even, if he assaults YOU the next day, then your previous assault of him didn't occur.
Or even, if you assault him and he doesn't assault you, but you "feel" more fear than him, then you're the actual victim, not him.
But, really, it's BS.
If you attack with violence, you're violent. If you do it to your spouse, you're domestically violent. That includes 100% of any women who slap anyone they get pissed off enough. Including YOU, if you've ever done it. Most women I've ever known, do this at some point, to someone. Most try to rationalize it afterwords.
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BeckaLeigh
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/08/05
Posts: 6875
Loc: Texas
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I agree with all of these scenarios, now if only people would educate themselves on domestic violence, own up to their part in it. But, there are those who are always going to be the victim. And then we have those who actually are the victims. And they don't get listened to because of all the women who like to pull the abuse card out of their a$$. Grow up, people. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out who the perpetrator is. If you don't want to be labeled as such, don't put yourself there.
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I tried being normal once. Worst five minutes of my life.
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momus2
newbie
Reged: 08/07/08
Posts: 49
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It may have been attempted abuse, but it was not abuse. She did not hit him. I am going by the legal definition of assault, which includes reasonable fear of injury. Hard to imagine that husband who is so much bigger and stronger than her would be in fear. Could be harassment, but not abuse. Equality--great idea--but in almost all cases, men are at an advantage physically. And the husband did not "stand there and take it"--he blocked it. Also, I don't believe that most women have slapped someone when they get mad.
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BeckaLeigh
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/08/05
Posts: 6875
Loc: Texas
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I snapped and lashed out and tried to slap him across the face. he blocked my arm and pushed me to the ground. When I got on my feet I was yelling how dare you push me. He was in my face calling me vile names. He had me pinned to the wall while he was yelling at me. I was trying to push him away and when I could not get away I grabbed his neck and dug my nails in and pushed away from me. (fyi.. he is 6'2 235lbs, I am 5'4 1xx lbs) I was fighting back trying to get away from him. When I finally did ********************************************
Just wondering if you are reading the same thing we are. SHE attempted to hit him, IN SELF-DEFENSE, HE PUSHED HER TO THE GROUND. SHE got up, yelling at him. He did the same thing. If she was truly in fear, why stand there yelling at him, when she started it???? That is plain stupidity.
Look, I have been there, done that, got the t-shirts and the scars to show for it. I am tired of women doing exactly what she is doing and making it harder for those of us who were actually abused to be heard. He did not strike her. He did not start the crap. She did. She was angry, she tried to strike him. In plain english?? She isn't/wasn't abused.
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I tried being normal once. Worst five minutes of my life.
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