stuckinarut
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 10/12/07
Posts: 1631
Loc: Island of Man
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is ridiculous, even my lawyer agreed! Saying she wants 10yrs alimony, absolutely not! I will not agree to that at all! I will not agree to anything else she wishes in the settlement agreement, I dont care what she wishes! My lawyer had enough of being patient with her and hopes since the court clock is ticking, she starts moving in the right direction! If not, my lawyer said I can cancel her car insurance and then she'll have to go out and get her own, I can cancell her cell phone, ect. My lawyer said I dont have to pay anything for her as long as she dont have a job! I should tell her to start paying for half the mortgage and taxes or else she will have to pay me back when the house is sold! My lawyer has had enough and so have I, my lawyer will complain to the judge that stbx and her lawyer have dragged this case on for being uncooperative!
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"The King of fraud and corruption"
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PhoenixRising
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/05/07
Posts: 3681
Loc: New York
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1. You need to STOP saying "your lawyer said" no one believes you.
2. I understand that you are upset at the idea of 10yrs of alimony. We all did try to warn you. But the reality is still a tough adjustment.
3. In retailiation, you could do as you say and renege on the bills you are supposed to be paying. It would be a wonderful gift to her attorney. She gets to file for that much larger additional pendente lite support package.
Stuck, while others don't agree w/ me; I think you are angry and upset but I don't think you are stupid.
If coming here and venting and imagining that your lawyer told you to do all these things helps you than so be it.
So far, you have been a puppet on her string. She pushes your buttons and you react in a way that reflects poorly on you. Stop, letting all this get to you. You have an attorney. Let him handle everything.
You have your new life, new gf, move-on. Let the court process take it's course. You are bound and determined to have a court trial and you will (eventually).
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Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. --Plato
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stuckinarut
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 10/12/07
Posts: 1631
Loc: Island of Man
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My lawyer DOES tell me those things, he believes she shouldnt have any alimony because she is an able body person who can go out and get a job! Her lawyer using the rehabilitave alimony for 10yrs is a crock of Sh$t in his opinion and he feels it wont sit well with the judge!
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"The King of fraud and corruption"
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Buckeye
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 12/08/05
Posts: 7857
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And, since when has your attorney been right about anything?
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guerino1
addict
Reged: 01/14/08
Posts: 525
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Hi Stuck,
Some info that might help you.
1) Be careful of what your attorney tells you "will" happen. No attorney really knows for sure what a judge will or won't do, I don't care how experienced the attorney is. A judge is an independent human being that will look at all the factors and even might use personal influences to make a decision (for example, he/she might not like the way you or your stbx look or act).
2) Be careful about pulling the plug on things like "bills" of any form that you're currently paying for your wife. Everything I've researched says that doing so "always" looks bad to the judge, even if the judge is on your side about believing your spouse is more than capable of getting a job. The "only" way you should ever pull the plug on those bills is if you legitimately can show that you can't pay your own living expenses and the basic expenses for your children, so you're stuck cutting off superficial expenses to offset doing so. You'll more than likely be brought to court on a motion, but as long as you can legitimately prove such financial struggles you'll be ok. On the other hand, if you proactively go out and cut of your wife's expenses, without approval from her or the court, you're setting yourself up to look like the bad guy. My attorney has a great view on this that he gave me right at the beginning of the process "You will go out of your way to do what the court asks so that nothing can be used against you. You will go out of your way to do the right things, independent of what the court asks, so that nothing can be used against you. You will let your opponent make the mistakes." He was right. In the end, my stbx and her attorney started making big mistakes because they got greedy, aggressive and down right ugly. Now, we can at least negotiate or go into trial with that list. Will it make a difference in the end? We won't know until we get there. However, it's better to have that list than to not have it. And, it's better for you to have it and not your stbx.
3) Be careful about what you decide not to agree to. It might come back to bite you, later. Rumor has it that ex-NJ Governor McGreevey offered his wife (Dina Matos McGreevey) about $300K to settle. She got greedy, arrogant, and hostile. In the end, she walked away with only about $115K and half a million in debt. She was 'sure' she was going to get what she though was right to her. In the end, she didn't.
4) Expect the worse, not the best. If you prepare for the worst case, you will not be set up for as big of a disappointment. Know what your worst case outcomes are going to be, know how to prepare for them, and know how to mitigate the risks. In the end, it's all about money. Understand the money factors that the court uses and understand the money factors that drive economic value outside of the court (such as the real estate market).
One thing I like about my attorney is he's not a blow-hard. Doesn't brag. Doesn't act arrogant. Isn't aggressive. Takes the high road. Doesn't make promises he can't keep. Knows how to diffuse situations, not incite them. Even my attorney will give his opinions but he'll "always" preface or end them with "I can't be sure" or "I can't guarantee". He knows a judge has his/her own mind and that a judge can wake up on the wrong side of the bed, on any given day, or can even completely misinterpret things you've done with good intention.
5) And most importantly... don't let your kids down. The decisions you make and the actions you take will impact them, both, directly and indirectly. They grow up to become their own judges and juries. They're smarter than we all think they are. In the end, they will remember how you treated them and their mother, and they'll make their own decisions about the entire experience. You won't be able to buy their loyalties, either. Even worse, if they rebel and go down the wrong path because of the impact of the divorce, no amount of money in the world will make you feel better for the damage they do to themselves.
Anyhow, I hope this helps.
My Best,
Frank
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stuckinarut
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 10/12/07
Posts: 1631
Loc: Island of Man
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I just dont want her to wind up getting wealthy off of me and I get stuck with the debt...its not fair!
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"The King of fraud and corruption"
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guerino1
addict
Reged: 01/14/08
Posts: 525
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There's a lot that's not fair Stuck. In my case, I bought our original house and put it under both our names. Just after we were married, I was surprised by all her debt and paid it all off, telling myself I loved her. I then knocked the old house down, designed the new one, general contracted it, and even built parts of it so that I could build our equity as quickly as possible. All the while, my stbx was secreting assets from my family, trying to destroy the very fabric I was trying to put together. My stbx will now walk away with a large chunk of equity because of my hard work. The laws are set up to protect "her share", even though she didn't create any of it... even though she was destroying it by embezzling funds. She won a legal lottery. I have to come to terms with that. You'll have to come to terms with your situation.
I wish I could give you a better answer. The truth is it's a disgusting system that fosters dependency. The best you can do is to deal with your situation and then do your best to help change the system, in a positive, productive and effective manner, so that others don't have to go through what you're going through... even if that someone is your child, in the future.
My Best,
Frank
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stuckinarut
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 10/12/07
Posts: 1631
Loc: Island of Man
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Why should she get 70% and I only 30%??? Why?
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"The King of fraud and corruption"
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PhoenixRising
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/05/07
Posts: 3681
Loc: New York
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Stuck,
The law is on your side:
Federal law (CCPA), 15 USC 1673(b)(2) says:
2) The maximum part of the aggregate disposable earnings of an individual for any workweek which is subject to garnishment to enforce any order for the support of any person shall not exceed -
(A) where such individual is supporting his spouse or dependent child (other than a spouse or child with respect to whose support such order is used), 50 per centum of such individual's disposable earnings for that week; and
(B) where such individual is not supporting such a spouse or dependent child described in clause (A), 60 per centum of such individual's disposable earnings for that week; except that, with respect to the disposable earnings of any individual for any workweek, the 50 per centum specified in clause (A) shall be deemed to be 55 per centum and the 60 per centum specified in clause (B) shall be deemed to be 65 per centum, if and to the extent that such earnings are subject to garnishment to enforce a support order with respect to a period which is prior to the twelve-week period which ends with the beginning of such workweek.
You cannot be garnished more that 60% of your salary (that goes down to 50%, if you marry your GF)..
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Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. --Plato
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stuckinarut
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 10/12/07
Posts: 1631
Loc: Island of Man
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60% of my salary? oh my...I was talking about 70%-30% of the house proceeds...she can get up to 60% of my salary? I feel faint!
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"The King of fraud and corruption"
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