ulla
recently joined
Reged: 08/19/08
Posts: 9
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Well let me tell you how I got into this mess and a little about our new mess, we met 12 yrs ago and got married 2 yrs later in NJ he was a foreign medical graduate and I was a senior accountant at the time, after three years he became a US physician and I became pregnant with our 1st child we had to move to Houston so he'd finish his fellowship (specialty) and I quit my job.
One year later I got pregnant again a surprise and not planned so I couldn't go back to work. plus we had to move again this time to California for his real job. I think the problems started back in texas when I got pregnant the second time, I think he started to go to sleazy massage parlors. of course he denied that too, you see he can do no wrong.
In Calif he befriended this older woman, she was about 60 or so, I didn't like that he and she would talk on the phone for hours but I guess I knew it was just talk she liked his 60 yr old partner. But it still bothered me a little, I felt like he could speak with her more than he spoke to me.
He and I loved Fl and when he got a good offer he jumped at it so we moved again. He and I had always wanted a big family so we decided to have our third a year ago and I was on the light pill because I was nursing so by accident I got pregnant again this poor baby was totally not wanted by either me or him mainly because he's an absentee father and we started fighting a lot mostly about money because we bought a house in Calif and are still paying a big mortgage on it and we have a condo here with a big mortgage and although he makes a ton of money it's all in the houses that are losing value because of this damn market and we almost have no equity in any of our property.
I'm now seperated (not legally) from him and the reason or the final straw was when I found the tel number and directions to an escort svs under his desk (he must have dropped it) I'm sooo torn he swears he's inocent he says the phone number was from one of the girls that sent in a resume from a job application and when he called he found out it was an escort svs. And when I asked why he got directions to it he said I just wrote it down as I was talking to them. does he think I'm a retard??? he says I'm the one cheating beacause one time an old friend of mine from college IM'D me asking me about what I've been up to since college and he's happily married and lives over seas with his family. My husband always has a way of diverting the attention from the sick things he's doing to some stupid silly thing I did.
I would never cheat on him I believe in being fathful. I am so confused do I stay in a loveless marrige for the sake of the kids or do I end it and raise, soon to be, 4 kids on my own. I really hate that I'm even considering taking him back he won't even admit he did anything wrong.
He's also always disrespecting me in front of the kids there is no love left from his side I don't know if feel anything any more either I'm too wrapped up in raising these kids alone. no sex because of him not me (guess he's too busy with the call girls) no trust nothing but these poor innocent kids.
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christine1
addict
Reged: 04/21/08
Posts: 439
Loc: Ma
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Hi,
I am so sorry you are going through this! www.survivinginfidelity.com helped me a lot when I was going through this.
Good Luck and go with your gut!
Christine
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ksday
recently joined
Reged: 09/15/08
Posts: 8
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I am so sorry. What you are going through sounds aweful!
I just posted my story. Now that I am reading yours it only scares me. I see some things that I have going on that may turn into what you are dealing with.
Well the no sex might be a good thing if he is seeing other women. I know this may not be the most sound advice. But I say stick it out until you have solid proof and take him for everything he has. You gave him four babies that need taken care of!
The child you spoke of that wasn't wanted tore at my heart. Do remember he/she didn't ask for this life and is only a child. You only have one chance at raising your children please do the best you can no matter the circumstances. Imagine their lives and decide if it is one you would have wanted to live.
All of this is only said out of love from someone that endured a hard childhood and knows the pain it causes. I wish you the best.
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