Rgracie
recently joined
Reged: 08/25/08
Posts: 1
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My husband and I have only been married for 6 month, we have a 5 month old, bought a new house (that needs total remodeling)- that will hopefully be done soon, been living with my parents for a year to save money, and lately it seems that there is nothing there anymore.
We have arguments about everything lately the house, the baby. I feel he is not willing to put any time into our daughter there is always an excuse. I know it is hard for him but haveing a new baby isnt easy for me either. When we fight it is always my fault, he doesnt listen and proceeds to covering his ears when I talk. About two weeks ago I pulled his finger out of his ear (so he would listen to what I was saying) and he got rough with me by twisting my arm, grabbed my shirt around the collar to get me out of the room, while just screaming. I have been in an abusive relationship before and dont plan on staying in another one. It is out of character for him to act this way so I dismiss it as just both of us being in a stressful place right now. I love him but I feel it is only a one way thing right now. I feel I have tried everything to make him comfortable in my parents house, and he still isnt happy with me. We havent talked in days at all go to be without saying a word. I dont want to live like this for the next 20 years, and divorce is something I said I would never do. I have told him he should just move out and live with his parents but he says no, I said I would go with him, still no. I dont know what else to do. I am just sick of feeling alone and need some advice on what I should do to try and make this marriage work. My biggest fear is when our house gets done which will be within the next month or two if he is like this now distant and not taking any part with his daughter what will change when we move out?
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yregna
veteran
Reged: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
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Let us hope he becomes abusive enough to put you in a grave and I'm on the jury.
I say " Let him go !! "...
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"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..."
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"
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stuckinarut
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 10/12/07
Posts: 1631
Loc: Island of Man
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6 months? I hope someone slaps some sense into him and he runs before its too late!
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"The King of fraud and corruption"
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BeckaLeigh
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/08/05
Posts: 6875
Loc: Texas
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DH and I had some problems when we stayed with my parents a few years ago. We did so for the same reasons you guys are now. We were waiting on our house to get ready and saving money. It got to where we argued ALOT. Almost on a daily basis. I wondered if we would both be happier if one of us moved on. I have 3 kids who aren't his. He has one that isn't biologically mine, so we both have alot more baggage than alot. BUT, when we moved into our house? We started actually talking and listening to one another, and being happy with one another. It wasn't an overnight thing. And it wasn't the easiest thing in the world. We did it though. And we are both grateful neither of us let go.
You guys have alot going on right now. New baby, living with other people, etc... So, it is natural to feel overwhelmed and upset and disconnected right now. Just try to be patient. I know it is even harder when one refuses to communicate, but maybe he is waiting until he is comfortable doing so? My husband does this. He will bottle things up until they all come out at one time. And then he wonders with each seperate issue what the big deal was. Just try to be patient with him, I am sure he is finding it just as hard as you are. I wish you luck.
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I tried being normal once. Worst five minutes of my life.
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Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7135
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You are obviously both stressed out right now. I know what it's like to have a baby. I have an 11 month old that has been in my total 100% care the entire time. It's possible he doesn't help with her as much as you'd like because he's not comfortable with small babies. Some people aren't and it may take the child getting a little older for him to become more involved.
I also want to point out that you were not totaly innocent in the "abusive" situation. Granted he shouldn't have put his hands on you, but YOU put yours on him first. You said it was to get him to listen, but I can harldy believe if there was an arguement and you were mad about how he was acting you were exactly gentle about it.
6 months married and only one month before the baby came is not enough time to figure out what married life is going to be. Especially living with your parents. You need to sit down and talk and get things out. This is not like the DVD player being broke. You don't throw out a marriage and get a new one because it's easier than fixing it. I really don't think many people take the words "until death do us part" seriously anymore.
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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omkeen
newbie
Reged: 09/01/08
Posts: 26
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Having a new baby is very stressful, then on top of that living with someone else that isnt your own house is also, then saving money and fixing your own house. All this is fixable it just takes time. As far as him putting his finger in his ear that's what my 4yr old daughter does to me. He needs to grow up. But him grabbing you I would tell him look I have already been in one relationship that was abusive I wont be in another. So if you do that to me again I'm gone. How long have you been together before you got married? Remember when you dont know what to do set down and pray and ask God to lead you and you will follow. He wont steer you wrong if you listen. Good Luck
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