akracevaya
recently joined
Reged: 09/05/08
Posts: 1
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How do you handle meeting the children from the "new girl" perspective? My boyfriends kids are flying in and staying with us for 5 days, at least one evening I will be left alone due to his classes and I do not know how to behave or what to do to make this encounter as easy as possible for everyone. He's girls are 10 and 13 and while they live with mom and step-dad, they have never been introduced to any of their dad's girlfriends in the past. My boyfriend is ready for that and I'm nervious having never been in the situation before!
I read about this and most possts say to keep the first meeting nice and short but they'll be staying with us so that's not an option. I will be gone at work for a few days so I guess that's good news. I want them to enjoy time with their dad with out all the confusion of having the girlfriend (me) in the way. Any advice? They're coming in 6 weeks and I'm getting a bit concerned about this going well! Thanks in advance!
AK.
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rootofallevil
journeyman
Reged: 09/04/08
Posts: 68
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My husbands kids were much younger when I was introduced to them but I've just always been me. They either liked me or they didn't...luckily they liked me. My husband introduced me but I also introduced myself (if that makes sense). Being younger they had lots of questions, some were funny to me but the kids were serious about them so I answered seriously also. I did not try to be friends because to me that seems forced and fake.
I will caution that you are dealing with teen and pre-teen girls. Not knowing there disposition, it could be a brutal time for you. PLEASE DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY!!!! Again, depending on the dispositions, they could just be at that miserable age when they dislike most everything and everyone. So don't envision slumber party type situations where you all paint your nails and talk about boys. That more than likely is not going to happen.
One other thing you may encounter is some form of jealousy. I've been around for 7 years. My stepdaughter and I get along great but every once in awhile she will plant herself between her father and I (she's 12 now). If we're watching t.v. she will make sure she sits between us. If we are hugging she will decide that is the time that she wants a hug from her dad. Let them have that time. Remember the girls only see their dad for limited times. If sitting next to him while watching t.v. makes them feel secure, so be it. If making sure that they get just as many hugs as you is what they want, let them have it.
I guess really you are just letting them know you are a new addition to dad's life but you have no intention of taking him away from them.
I don't know if this helped at all, but I figured I'd offer it just the same.
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Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7136
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A few questions....Do the kids know about you already and that you and their dad are living together? What kind of relationship do your SO and his x have? Have you spoken to the girls or "met" them through e-mail?
My suggestion would be not to try to hard (kids smell that a mile away). When they are first there make sure they are aware of the evening you will be spending with them right away and prompt them to think of something they would like to do. Have a "girls" night. Plan on being an older adult friend rather than a stepmom right off the bat. Having never been introduced to any of dads gf's could go either way. Either they will realize that you are special and want to get to know you or they will be snot heads because someone else is taking dad's time. It's one of those things that is hard to call in advance.
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6462
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Ideas for girls night......
Plan a "spa night" for maicures/pedicures
Make foofy mock cocktails in margarita or hurricane glasses
Rent some "girly" movies
Good luck !
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johnson27
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 07/31/08
Posts: 2435
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I'm the "girlfriend" too - My SO's kids didn't like me, they're coming around though. It took some time because their mom would say negative things about me to them. I couldn't let it bother me anymore though. I had to just be the person that i am, and allow them to see for themselves that i wasn't a bad person. I did take initiative to be more involved with them though. Before i just kept my distance, but that wasn't going to get me anywhere with them. (Don't get me wrong, father - child time just them together, is VERY important) .... I planned a "girls day out". I took them to get a pedicure, and then we went to eat afterwards. They had a blast! It was really nice to see. And since then it has opened the door for a closer relationship. It's a work in progress, and probably will be for a very long time. But just be you, and they will eventually see a loving, caring person.
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Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.
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mommyof9
old hand
Reged: 10/04/08
Posts: 1176
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Hey! I'm curious... how did the visit go?
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Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.
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DEFather
member
Reged: 10/26/07
Posts: 157
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These Kf are also known troll posters.
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