Cinder2
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 4361
Loc: Southern California
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Well, now I see on the other board that you are having an affair. In Mississippi your husband can bring that all up in the courts and the judge can weigh more heavily in your husband's favor.
Cinder
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sandflea
addict
Reged: 09/08/05
Posts: 447
Loc: norfolk, Virginia
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It really all depends of whether or not both of you can see past the emotional side of things, and deal with this as a business transaction. The court won't care who did what - they'll simply want to see an equitable distribution of all "marital assets" - assets you acquired together while married. Of course, you'll also need to discuss child support - I'm assuming you'll keep the kids. Spousal support - assuming he's the major bread winner. ETc.
Sorry this is happening - but there is life on the other side. And - if he's gonna freak, and if your gut tells you that things are going to go downhill fast - and if Santa's gonna be a scrooge - then maybe you ought to just get started now...
- SF
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Beaches, Bluegrass, Bach, Beer, Bodhisattva, Blisters, Bikes, Boats, Bhujangasana and Bayer
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Jennym2994
newbie
Reged: 11/15/05
Posts: 48
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Thanks.
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Jennym2994
newbie
Reged: 11/15/05
Posts: 48
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Shouldnt he have to have proof of the affair?
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sandflea
addict
Reged: 09/08/05
Posts: 447
Loc: norfolk, Virginia
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In a sense it doesn't matter. It's not working, and neither of you are in a position to try and fix it. So, you file. That's the sad state of "affairs" these days.
Don't file unless you're sure that you want to split up. It's a huge process - very destructive, no matter what side you're on. Even if you're the one that wants out - there are feelings of guilt, abandonment, shame, hopelessness - failure. I don't care if you've only been married a year. I don't care if you are 100% justified to leave - even is situations where there is abuse.
You'll look in the mirror, in like 6 months - with, oh, something less than half of what you thought you had, and about 1/3 of the friends you had. Alone. And you'll be reeling. The rebound might help, but when that too fails, then you're really alone, and that's when it hits ya.
My ex was just oh so happy to leave. Now she's alone, with 1/10th of the value of the property she left. She has "new" friends, and "new" places to go. And she's miserable. It finally sunk in. Now she's trying oh so hard to find meaning.
My point in all this - especially since you have kids - is - ARE YOU SURE? Once you go there, even if you really try to reconcile, it's usually over. Then again, if someone is getting what they need outside the marriage - it's probably over anyway.
Pray. Look inside yourself for answers. Be honest with yourself, and your heart - and then stand up, and do what you must do. Either way. We're here for ya.
- SF
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Beaches, Bluegrass, Bach, Beer, Bodhisattva, Blisters, Bikes, Boats, Bhujangasana and Bayer
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Jennym2994
newbie
Reged: 11/15/05
Posts: 48
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Thanks sandflea.
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DanH
journeyman
Reged: 08/23/04
Posts: 77
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I will have to say, from personal experience, that divorce should be the absolute last option you should choose. It sounds as though you feel that there is no way to fix it.
If that is truly the case, then you're gonna have to get ready for war. Yes, in an ideal world, everyone could split up amicably, and all would be well in Gotham city. Unfortunately, that isn't the reality. What you've got is finances and emotions, thrown into the mix. Throw in the kids as well, coupled with the reality that someone has to pay c/s, possibly spousal support, etc.
I would STRONGLY recommend that you look a little deeper inside yourself and see if things are really totally broken or not. If they are, you're gonna have to face the reality that its gonna get ugly. Get an emotional support network in place now, cuz you're gonna have some seriously bad days ahead.
-Dan
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Divorced with children? You need this software!
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legalidiot
enthusiast
Reged: 05/06/05
Posts: 250
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That's true. Marriage is all about love...Divorce is about money.
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Keep the relationship problems away from the kids
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