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Reged: 09/26/08
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      #455526 - 09/27/08 09:44 AM

I initially posted this in the custody area and was kindly told by another member that I should post it here. I'll add a few more comments in a additional post.

I have been having issues for years now with the ex wife. It would take for ever to post everything that has went on for the past 7 years. In short I have battled in court 6 times for custody and never walked away with anything getting solved.

What makes this complicated is it crosses state lines. I currently reside in Idaho and the Ex lives in South Carolina. Mainly the court battels have been fought due to her not allowing visitation. Everytime the court pretty much says "please don't let it happen again" to the Ex, and I get to pay for all her legal fees.

I pretty much gave up on fighting with her because it's close to impossible to prove that she is an unfit mother. And up until last week I though she at least had the kids best intrest in mind most of the time. She constantly is messing up things like spend her child support on stuff that doesn't have anything to do with the kids. And visitation is close to impossible. Outside her just being a pain and not doing what she is supose to I though the kids were at least safe. She has been married and divorced once since we got divorced as well as having several boyfriends. The latest one was living with her on and off for the past three years. She got pregnant by him and now has another child.

Jump ahead to this week. Just happen to run accross a news artical with the ex's name listed in it. It said that her boyfriend had been arrested. Of course I did a little more research and was stunned. He killed a 22 month old child. This wasn't an accident, it read to me like plain cold blooded murder! The ex gave a report to the news station that said she no longer was dating him and that the child was his new girl friends baby. She also stated that he beat her severl times durring her pregnacy and she was surprised that he would do such a thing. And that she trusted him and left her(our) kids with him even after he beat her. In the artical it listed a rap sheet for her ex that was seriously exensive! I'm seriously scard and have been trying to do what I can to get the kids out of this situation. I have tried child protective services and they won't touch it because her boyfriend is in jail and is no longer a threat. It seems that I'll have to go through the court system again, which takes a while. The problem is up until this point the ex made it difficult to take her to court the past three years due to her constantly moving. Any advice would be great. I'm just so frustrated!

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Re: Custody [Re: smoknzx3]
      #455544 - 09/27/08 11:04 AM

Okay, the above post was of last week. YES it's a true story.. I was a little offended when people on the custody area were more concerned with checking on it's truthfulness. I'm asking for help and have no intention of making stuff up, and how the hell could I come up with a store like this.

Anyway, to start I'm no rookie to court proceedings and have done plenty of research for the past 7 years. I know about most of the "You need to do this" type stuff. And the sad thing is I have done all of them with no success. As a matter of fact the lawyer in previous cases has even felt bad and appealed the decision at no cost other then filing the paper work. Just because he though I got screwed over. Now just to set the record strait I'm not looking for sympathy, just help.

Now I'll give you first a history of the court situation.

I filled for divorce in the state of North Dakota. The reason was she continued to cheat on me. Not that it matters because the courts don't identify that as the reason unless you can flat out prove it. For my first appearance I didn't fight for anything outside of the kids... Big mistake, if you don't show an intrest in the the TV, or paying the bills and the other party (the ex) does it's an easy decision for the judge. In the end I was trying to display that the kids were my only concern. Anyway I lost custody and really no explanation was given. As soon as the court hearing was over the ex got remarried and started the process of moving from North Dakota to Texas. Again I tried to take her to court because I didn't want the kids to leave the state. At this point living right down the street from her was hard to get my visitation. Most of the time I needed a police escort just to smooth out the exchange. She was once arrested for assulting me in a mall parking lot in front of 15 witnesses the worst part about it was the kids were right there. This wasn't a simple yelling match. She actually made my nose bleed, cut my eyebrow and bit me on the arm hard enough to leave a mark for a year after. I never laid a so much as touched her. And that's what all the witness said. I got temporary custody until she was released from jail. Then the judge ordered me to give the kids back. So I knew if she moved states away it would be close to impossible. You we set the date for court and of course she was told she could go. The judge pertty much didn't want to hear anything I said and used the court time to establish new visitation guide lines. This really made me mad considering I went to court to prevent the kids for leaving the state. And from minute one they started discussing how the new visitation would work. Which of course it didn't work.

She moved off to Texas but the court orders stayed in North Dakota. Right away the visitation issues started. The order was designed to have us meet in Kansas City pretty much the half way point. She didn't have the money nor the time to meet us. Anyone who has dealt with similar issues knows a court order doesn't really mean anything. If one of the parties doesn't comply there isn't a court order enforcement function. the local authorities wont force either party to comply. Pretty much you are forced to go back to court and spend a lot more money. So I did just that. As soon as the papers were filed and she was served she of course let me have visitation. And of course I wanted to see my kids so I picked them up. But I also continued the court proceedings, because I knew the only reason she allowed the visitation to happen is because of the up coming court date. Her plan worked like a charm. We ended up in court at the same time I had the kids in North Dakota so man I looked like a dumb ass. My pleas fell on deaf ears. This continued for years. The judge would just tell her that she needed to comply with the order and the next time this happened he would remove custody from her. He said this three times. Of course it was never the same judge. And every time I got stuck paying her legal fees.

Both myself and her new husband are/were in the military. The ex decided she didn't like Texas and told her new husband to figure out how to get out of the state. Well he decided to due a remote tour in Korea. This gave him the option to move to South Carolina. Which she moved in advance too while he was in Korea. To make a long story short in the years they were married she financially ruined him to the point he had to get out of the military and he never came back to her. He went from Korea to New Mexico and divorced her.

At this time I had got an assignment to an overseas base that I would be assigned to for two years before I could return to the states. I'm sure you can see the issues this might cause. During my time over seas I attempted to make it so the kids could come visit me but this never happend, I couldn't trust her to do the passports and she wouldn't let them fly. So I was screwed. During the time I was over seas since her husband left her and she didn't want to work she focused all her efforts on increasing the child support. The problem was that she went to North Dakota, North Dakota didn't want anything to do with the case any longer due to neither the kids nor myself residing in the state. Plus I wasn't a North Dakota resident. So she decided to try another state. I was at the time a Minnesota resident. So she started crying to Minnesota. Minnesota started the process to set up everything until I called. This is another portion of the system that doesn't work. States will just open and motify cases at will with out information form the other party. I can say this because she has done this with four states and they all don't care and it takes me weeks to straiten it out. I called Minnesota and told them I would be changing my residence and I wished to keep my court order which I spent tons of money creating in North Dakota. Of course the ex was furious! I came back to the states two years later without seeing my kids for the two years I was stationed over seas. Now I had plenty of contact with them through out the time. I called at least once a week but it wasn't good enough for me. So when I got back I was stationed in Idaho. I started looking into my options. As I was doing this she continued to move around to different states. I could never pin down where she would be long enough to file paper work. The courts didn't care. One of her moves was to California where her parents live. She again went to open a new case, which they did and the reason I found out about it was a nice call for her stating she was going to take me to the cleaners in child support. Now she never planned to reside in California, and she used her mothers address. As soon as the process with the child support had been started she moved back to South Carolina. I called California and told them either the kids nor her resides in California how could she just randomly walk in a open a case? They said she listed an address in California. I told them it was her mothers. They didn't care. I did find out that she would be unable to adjust the child support amount because the case had been transferred so in the end I just let it happen. During the process I got called from North Dakota. North Dakota was pissed because I wasn't sending them money. I told them California took over the case. so it took months to straiten it out. the ex was suppose to close the case in North Dakota but never did. A year later (this summer) California determined she filed the paper work in California with an address that was not were she lived. Go figure, not that I didn't tell them. Anyway they didn't transfer it, they just closed it! I guess she pissed them off. At this point I no longer had a court order to pay child support. So I just started sending her the check. Yes I kept good records and can prove I paid her. Now she tried to open a case in South Carolina, she didn't do this at first because the money would be much less then what she gets now. But South Carolina transferred it to Idaho and that's were it stands today. It's not finished as of yet. And of course all the stuff is wrong. They actually transferred an old court order so the child support is not correct, it's $200 less a month then it should be. This just makes me laugh. I'll fix it so she get the right amount but sometimes I just want to get my revenge as well.

Well I did get visitation this past summer, but it was the first time in four years! I had to front the whole cost for the bill. She agreed to let the kids fly. But the games were still played. When they landed they had brought no cloths for there 6 week visitation. My kids said "mom told us that you would buy us all new cloths." All in all it was a great visitation, but I feel so lost. I haven't seen the kids in so long I no longer feel like I know them. Calling every week just isn't the same.

Now that's where the first post comes in. I need to go back to court again and South Carolina is the place it will have to happen. By reading the above information you can understand why I'm concerned up starting up another court situation. To start over will cost tons, and I don't have a ton of money. In the end I might not come out any better then it is now.

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Reged: 11/02/07
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Re: Custody [Re: smoknzx3]
      #455556 - 09/27/08 11:47 AM

What a mess!

Since you tell us that you have already been through the "what to do is" phase, we assume that you have been documenting all of this (good and bad) extemporaneously.

Your ex has learned the system and it is almost impossible for someone in the military to prevail (especially with your lack of money to pay others to do this for you) with a skank of an ex like yours is. We also assume that you have contacted your branch of service legal department that can and should help you.

So, you are going to have to make a decision. Stay in the military and continue with what you have been doing or, get out, move to where the children are and keep pursuing your custodial rights-even if she moves again, for you to follow her...

If you choose the latter, this forum from back to front and all the links and the links found on those pages will give you the legal information to eventually get you the custody of your children.

There is no magical formula except to inundate her with lawsuit after lawsuit pressing for custody and contempt.

You know that your current procedure of dealing with this will not work and that her sh it don't smell in a court of law (quite often the case for women). So make the decision and I hope the best for you.

Edited by MTFather (09/27/08 11:50 AM)

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Reged: 11/02/07
Posts: 105
Re: Custody [Re: smoknzx3]
      #455595 - 09/27/08 03:42 PM

Seriously, you have been given the best advice: Stop, weigh the importance and then follow through.

It's not fair. It's not right. But, it is the way it is.

You will have to give up your future and your life to be part of your children's lives.

If you want to help change the system, let us know and we can refer you to a group with your like thinking.

But, you will have to give up your life and your future based upon what you have stated if you want to have any type of ongoing relationship with your child(ren).

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Re: Custody [Re: GreenLantern8]
      #456847 - 10/01/08 05:14 PM

Sorry I was unable to post a few days. I was gathering information in order to get the ball rolling.

First to respond to the posts. One the legal office on a military installation is little to no help in civil matters. Most offices only have two legal attorneys and they do not need to be certified for the state they reside in. They are not qulified to represent military members for civil cases. The legal offices soul purpose is to provide military members legal representation for military crimes. Second I hear what you guys are saying with presuing her and attacking. I can not just get out of the military, I signed a contract, and am obligated to finish out my time. The plus to this is I'm on my last enlistment and will be able to retire in four years.

I got an attorney and started the evil process again. Will I win? I don't know but I'm willing to take that chance. I have a lot more fire power this time. I'll keep you guys posted. But if you can think of any additonal things that I can do let me know.

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Reged: 06/12/08
Posts: 161
Re: Custody [Re: smoknzx3]
      #456857 - 10/01/08 05:33 PM

I wish I could add more to it. But, with an ex that you have, that has no scruples, it's difficult if you can't just keep attacking...

I do hope that you let us know what is going on.

Good luck.

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