mustang66
journeyman
Reged: 03/26/06
Posts: 91
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HI All,
I just had to let my girlfriend go after 1.5 years together.
The reason is we are too far apart in distance and she hates to drive and she felt lonely when I wasn't there etc..
I didn't want to do it but I had to, she was miserable and couldn't bring herself to break it off.
I can't move due to shared custody with my ex and I can't leave my 2 kids behind for me to be happy.
She says she wants me to be her friend, i don't know if I can do that after being in love with her for so long.
Is it possible to do it?
Has anybody done this?
I just don't think I can handle it and any advice would be very helpful.
How can I drive the 3 hours to see her and be her friend without thinking that I am not gonna be anything but a friend?
I feel selfish and a little childish for asking but I need some help please!
Thank you!
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matilda
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/11/04
Posts: 2092
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Does she have good reasons not to move as well? I think a clean break is easiest unless you foresee a change in your life style in the near future. It will allow you a chance to mourn the loss and move on to find someone who lives closer to you.
Is she willing to do more than half of the driving in order to maintain the relationship?
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mustang66
journeyman
Reged: 03/26/06
Posts: 91
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She has 2 kids with her ex, and she can't move.
She has a great job, I don't, so I would rather I move.
As far as driving goes, she doesn't want to drive and I was the one always doing the driving.
Her kids are 5 and 7 and mine are older so it was easy for me to drive rather than her.
I am waiting for her to call me and ask me to come back, she said she might if she dicides she can't live without me and in that case, I would be able to work something out with my ex, that has just been mentioned by my ex.
But, I don't know if I can see her in the meantime, I would be always wondering if this was the time that she says to stay if she changed her mind, might be too hard to do that.
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johnson27
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 07/31/08
Posts: 2435
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Have you told her that you might be able to work something out with your ex? And if you and your ex are discussing options to be worked out, then why end the relationship? How long could whatever it is you need to work out with the ex really take, especially if you guys are already discussing it? And even if it took a year to work out, you and your former SO have already spent 1.5 years together, what's another year if you two truly love each other and want to be together and build a future together?
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Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.
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mustang66
journeyman
Reged: 03/26/06
Posts: 91
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I didn't know that I could work anything out with my ex so I ended the relationship a few days before that solution came about.
It wouldn't have come about if I didn't end the relationship and my ex wife found out about it and offered a suggestion to me.
I called my (new) ex SO and told her the news, this was after a few days of us knowing it was over and she was just saying that I was grasping at straws, in a sense, I was but it's a good set of straws.
She told me that she needed some time to think about it before she was on board with saying to go for it.
I was kind of shocked at this, I thought she'd be so happy and say WHEW, that was close, didn't happen.
And now I am waiting for her to decide what she's gonna do now and I am really getting discouraged every day that passes...
I guess maybe she's free now and might want to stay that way?!
This all has happened in the last week...
She told me she might call me and say she can't live without me, I doubt it now.
I am really hoping for her to come around but it is a hard thing to wait for.
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johnson27
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 07/31/08
Posts: 2435
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People don't lose their feelings over night. She was probably really hurt when things were broke off between the two of you. Give her the space she needs and time to think. I'm sure she wants to make sure she knows exactly what she's getting herself into because she doesn't want to be broken hearted again. How long has it been since you've told her the news?
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Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.
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mustang66
journeyman
Reged: 03/26/06
Posts: 91
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It's only been 4 days since I told her I might be able to relocate close te her.
We have IMd each other and texted but I have resisited calling her, even though that's all I think about, I hope she feels the same...
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nolonger
enthusiast
Reged: 09/15/08
Posts: 305
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Hind site is 20-20. I have a question for you since you are ahead of me in time, so to say.
I have barely begun a special friendship with a man who lives 1 hour away. We both can never move due to custody and his job so right away it is never going to go anywhere.
That's perfect for right now. I am in no shape to jump into a serious relationship (divorce not even final yet due to stbx dragging it out)and am just looking for someone to have fun with again - no strings attached.
The problem is, we have this chemistry together. We have SO much in common. It's too early to tell, but I can see the possibility of me falling for him eventually. My brain is telling me not to let it get there due to no future. I don't want to end up 1.5 years later having to break up with someone I love to be able to find a closer mate.
Should I bail out now?
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mustang66
journeyman
Reged: 03/26/06
Posts: 91
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I kind of knew that my long distance relationship was doomed for failure from the start too.
I kept hoping that there was a way to move ALL the time and it drove me crazy sometimes.
I am not having any regrets about it though, and yes my heart is broken now.
I am glad I went for it and put the effort into it.
Even now when I think about it, I always thought there would be a way, but in my case, it didn't happen.
If I were you, I would go for it and see what happens, you never know.
In my case, my ex, stepped up and offered a solution, and this was the last person I thought would ever care about, or help me in a relationship.
You just never know what is going to happen, and that's what I took from that relationship, I am not sorry I went for it and tried my best to make it happen.
Still hoping...
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Annie7676
old hand
Reged: 06/05/05
Posts: 862
Loc: NY
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No Longer
I have some experience in a relationship with the man in my life who lives about 1.5 hrs away. About two yrs ago I met a guy via the internet, thought I would try the date. My reasons were that he lived far away and I wanted to try it. Well...we clicked almost immediately, now almost 3 yrs later we are still going very well together. It is working.
We see each other on weekends or when we have time off from work. It works as we have our own lives and this distance keeps us independent but still fresh in our approach.
You never know...if it seems right then try it. An hr is not all that far. Depending on where you live it takes almost 30 minutes to get anywhere with the traffic, etc.
The space during the week is nice and the weekends are something to look forward to.
Is he open for you to visit back and forth?
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