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Rosie7
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Reged: 09/28/08
Posts: 6
Hi, I'm a newbie and need advice...
      #457131 - 10/02/08 04:37 PM

I've been divorced for 6 years. My boys are 15 and 16 right now. I moved about 30 miles away from my ex because when I originally left I only moved a short distance away from our marital home and then he moved basically right across the street from me when I forced the sale of our home. He lived there for 2 years without giving me any child support. After he moved so close I moved closer to my mother who recently died. She and my stepdad kept the boys pretty level headed but now everything is a mess. They died right after I moved, and I drove the boys to the school they were in to finish the year. I should have moved them immediately but instead I allowed my ex to talk me into letting them stay in the "better" school and he could help with their after school care since I'm a nurse and work past the time they got out of school. Last year my oldest wanted to go to the local school near me and I had everything ready to go then his dad came over actually crying because he would hardly ever see him. My son was angry but stayed at his current high school. During the summer he refused to go to his fathers and whenever he did there were confrontations and he would have his dad bring him home. This year he is doing the exact same thing to me because his father is never home and he has a whole lot of freedom. My heart is breaking. I don't know how to fix things or help him. His grades are good there but I can't stand not seeing him the amount of time that I'm used to. I have residential custody and he is supposed to be with me everyday except everyother weekend and dinners on Tues. and Thurs. Now I'm basically only seeing him everyother weekend if I'm lucky. My ex wants to stop the child support when my son turns 17 but I want my son in college. I've been giving him back the support he sends for my son who doesn't come home. I feel so alone. How do people deal with this stuff. My kids are my world?

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Dolfinity
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Reged: 08/19/08
Posts: 351
Re: Hi, I'm a newbie and need advice... [Re: Rosie7]
      #457262 - 10/02/08 11:57 PM

Well, it might not just be the battle with the ex. I am the CP of my son, 16. He never visits his dad (mutual choice between the 2 of them). Yet, I rarely see him myself. I've had to learn to infiltrate myself into his life. I work full time. He's in school all day. His after school activities occupy him until 6 to 8 at night. We rarely have dinner together. And on weekends, he is either sleeping much of the time, or 'too busy' doing things with his friends to spend time with me. At 15-17, their friends really take priority (to them) over the happiest of homes.

I had to tell him that we will have dinner together 2 nights a week, and make him plan his schedule around those nights. I plan an activity each weekend, just a few hours on one of the days, that I strongly urge him to attend (visit to a museum, a hike in the mountains, etc.). Of course there are some exceptions to these things, and I try to be a little flexible, especially when school activities are involved.

But whether he is with you or not, at this age, it's all about their friends and their freedom. Keep letting him know you love him, you're there for him, you look forward to your time together. I've found that this approach works a lot better than when I get emotional (why don't you make time for me? what happened to the relationship we used to have? etc.) That pushes him away more than anything else.

Remember, they are teens. Teens are tough. No matter what.

Hang in there. I hear a lot of my own emotions in your post. Just try to reach out on the teens' terms.

--------------------
~ Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. ~


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ESP
member
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Reged: 08/17/07
Posts: 192
Re: Hi, I'm a newbie and need advice... [Re: Dolfinity]
      #458609 - 10/06/08 06:58 PM

This is a known femin azi troll poster.

She has an agenda and dogmas to support and it is not pretty.

Beware.

Kf

TP

PT

AWP

Etc.

--------------------
ESP (Equal Shared Parenting is best over all for the children...)


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Dolfinity
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Reged: 08/19/08
Posts: 351
Re: Hi, I'm a newbie and need advice... [Re: ESP]
      #458681 - 10/06/08 10:27 PM

What? An agenda and dogmas? Really?
Shoot, I wish someone had clued me in earlier.

Rosie -- the only reason I am here is because some kind people helped me in my time of need. I'm simply trying to return the kindness extended to me.

Nothing more, no agendas. Just a heart to help.

--------------------
~ Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. ~


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Cassie23
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Reged: 10/07/05
Posts: 14759
Re: Hi, I'm a newbie and need advice... [Re: Rosie7]
      #463471 - 10/16/08 06:01 PM

Um... you have residential custody so you can bring back your son RIGHT NOW.

It's up to you to make this happen.


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