superozz
recently joined
Reged: 11/11/08
Posts: 4
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I am married to a man for 15 yrs where I've done all of the money making. I am currently making 60,000 per year and he doesn't work at all and due to trying to commit suicide, got a letter saying he is incapable of working. I know Iwill probably have to pay him support, but does anyone have any idea how much. I am sick, thinking I will lose my house. Help me someone...tell me what to expect even if it's bad news.
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stuckinarut
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 10/12/07
Posts: 1631
Loc: Island of Man
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Pay him half your salary for 7 1/2 yrs...its the right thing to do!!!!
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"The King of fraud and corruption"
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Yes_Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 08/23/08
Posts: 7406
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She just might get that "sentence"
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superozz
recently joined
Reged: 11/11/08
Posts: 4
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I know its the right thing to do but it's hard after dealing with his emotional abuse, alcohol abuse, and making our family crazy for years. Especially after he always told me this was exactly what he would do if I ever tried to leave.
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ILMimi
addict
Reged: 01/03/08
Posts: 502
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I was in a similar situation as you were. Married 19 years, ex is a bipolar drug addict/alcoholic. He was fired from his job for sexual harassment, then had a durg OD, then tried to kill himself and us.
I purposely postponed the divorce because I was worried about the financial ramifications of SS. I made 6+ times what he did ($135K to his $21K). What a fool I was to wait. His issues spiralled out of control, my kids and I were caught in the middle of his insanity and he could have killed us. Forget the financial pain, you have yourself to protect.
If I were in your shoes I would offer him a generous settlement. I would also consider imputing his income to whatever he could make. My ex tried to commit suicide as well and his lawyer never mentioned that as a reason for SS.
You need to talk to a lawyer but a STBX who isn't trying to get help for his addictions isn't going to get the free ride he thinks he is.
BTW, I settled with my ex. He grew desperate for the money and took $160K from the equity in the house, $20K for his debt, and I pay his medical insurance for 18 months. As soon as April 2009 comes, I am done paying him anything. He walked away without going to trial for SS. If he had I probably would have had to pay him $1000-$1500 for a few years (called rehabilitative SS in IL) to help him get back on his feet.
BTW we were divorced in February and he almost killed himself in a car accident 2 months ago. I can't even imagine if we were still married and that had happened. The drama just isn't worth it.
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Yes_Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 08/23/08
Posts: 7406
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[quote]I was in a similar situation as you were. Married 19 years, ex is a bipolar drug addict/alcoholic. He was fired from his job for sexual harassment, then had a durg OD, then tried to kill himself and us.
I purposely postponed the divorce because I was worried about the financial ramifications of SS. I made 6+ times what he did ($135K to his $21K). What a fool I was to wait. His issues spiralled out of control, my kids and I were caught in the middle of his insanity and he could have killed us. Forget the financial pain, you have yourself to protect.
If I were in your shoes I would offer him a generous settlement. I would also consider imputing his income to whatever he could make. My ex tried to commit suicide as well and his lawyer never mentioned that as a reason for SS.
You need to talk to a lawyer but a STBX who isn't trying to get help for his addictions isn't going to get the free ride he thinks he is.
BTW, I settled with my ex. He grew desperate for the money and took $160K from the equity in the house, $20K for his debt, and I pay his medical insurance for 18 months. As soon as April 2009 comes, I am done paying him anything. He walked away without going to trial for SS. If he had I probably would have had to pay him $1000-$1500 for a few years (called rehabilitative SS in IL) to help him get back on his feet.
BTW we were divorced in February and he almost killed himself in a car accident 2 months ago. I can't even imagine if we were still married and that had happened. The drama just isn't worth it. [/quote]
Well, you did the rightthing given the circumstances. It wasn't you that caused the drama nor did you deplete assets.
I don't know what Rehanbilitative would have bought your ex. You are both educated and your insurance would pay for his rehab. He obviously has more problems than a being a drug addict (but like I told you, I just cant see being addicted to couch medicine). His bi-polar is a worse situation. After your insurance is up, he will have to go on Cobra (or is he on that now). He keeps wrecking cars, etc so he is basically out of control. I am also surprised they didn;t nail him more on the carbon monoxide thing with you and the kids. Thats attempted murder. All in all, I think you have done the right thing. A couple of things I might disagree with but still, your family life was careening out of control.
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Yes_Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 08/23/08
Posts: 7406
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Also, isn't that cough medicine behind the counter and they track it? I was at the pharmacy the other day and someone asked for it (or am I wrong)
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1966Gal
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 10098
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Yep, you could be on the hook for a little less than 1/2 your salary for approx. 1/2 the length of the marriage. Does he receive any type of disability?
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The Gov cannot give anything to anyone - that they have not first taken away from someone else.
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ILMimi
addict
Reged: 01/03/08
Posts: 502
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Some pharmacies have them behind the counter and some don't. Walgreens won't sell any to anyone under 18 and they restrict it to one purchase at a time. Still, I see some of it out on the shelf and some of it behind the counter. It's all very confusing to me.
He's currently on COBRA but he can get it extended another 18 months after I stop paying it in March since he had a second qualifying event (divorce). I told him its the best insurance he is going to be able to get especially since it covers behavioral health and rehab. I am going to guess he'll get some cheap insurance with worse benefits because he'll want to pay less per month.
With him being on his bipolar meds I actually think its the addiction which is worse at the moment. I especially just love his phone calls very early in the morning where he is slurring his words and calls me multiple times about the same thing. He really needs to be in inpatient rehab but he won't go.
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superozz
recently joined
Reged: 11/11/08
Posts: 4
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My story gets a bit wierder because of the way he went about doing things. On the day of the attempted suicide, not only did he try to run the atv and become overcome w/ cargon monoxide, but he also drove a 4-5 inch nail into his head. He tried to convince the doctors that it was all an accident until I found the suicide note. The note also accused me and my kids of trying to poison him w/ dog medication. It was all so bizarre and unexpected. We lived with his crazy behavior for years but this was the last straw. We went for an order of protection based on what he did and his lawyer advised him to accept it and not fight it. So he cannot come around for at least 2 years. We also went for spousal support last week and are waiting for the results of that. I am so nervouse trying to figure out if I will be able to afford this house once I have to pay. Also, this suicide attempt just took place in May so divorce has not been started yet. I don't have money for it at this time and now I find out that I will have to pay for his lawyer too. Any advice on what I should do?????
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