nolonger
enthusiast
Reged: 09/15/08
Posts: 305
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I have suspected my stuff has been thrown away by him. I emailed him asking that Q. I texted him the same Q. No answer.
So I decided that on this next exchange of the kids, I would "hold hostage" their stuff until I had my answer.
Backfire. Big time. I know better than to engage in games with him. His evilness wins every time.
What he did was, without my permission (court order that he has be be given permish to go to my home - even just drive by it) he came by. I was not home. Since I wasn't home, he directed the kids to go inside thru the garage (code). I would NEVER go inside his home! I even lived there! He has NEVER lived here. It is NOT his home.
The kids got their stuff.
I pulled up just as they were leaving.
Can you imagine if I was home? If I was inside engaged in whatever activity you can imagine (not that that's happening currently, but in the future, it sure will!!)? And the kids WALKED IN unplanned, unannounced!
There has to be some recourse here!!!!!
What can I do?
Edited by nolonger (11/19/08 04:15 PM)
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Maury
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 8146
Loc: This Asylum --->
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First, it is silly to use tehe children or their thiongs as pawns in an adult game of chess. In a divorce a court mayy require assets to be turned over. If they are not, you file a motion for contempt. If they are destroyed, you seek compensation.
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almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
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IF you hadn't held the kids stuff "hostage". He's not allowed in your home, but then, he can always say he wasn't in your home...the kids were. And since he only went there to get what you were holding...it would look worse on you because you put the kids in the middle. You kept their things in retaliation for yours. And the kids shouldn't be in the middle of any of this.
--------------------
Char Fox
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nolonger
enthusiast
Reged: 09/15/08
Posts: 305
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You guys are certainly correct. I should not have held their stuff hostage. SO very luckily for me, my plan was not outed. Nobody knows that I attempted that game, and I will never try such a thing again.
A little more background: Every exchange day thus far, a text between he and I occurs about when and where to pick up their sports equipment and blankets (and in this case, meds). Never have either of us just shown up to the other's home, gone inside and got these items. In fact, there was a day a few months ago where he did not answer my text and the kids went without their things until he finally brought them over, at my request, with my permish.
I never want him to think he can waltz into my home (or have the kids do so) with out my permission. It is written in the court order that we both follow protocol. He did not. In this case, it has nothing to do with my intention since my intentions were never spoken to him.
My lawyer fired off a letter to his about the whereabouts of my stuff. As far as the breaking of the court order (yet again) NOTHING will happen and I'm sure he'll continue to find ways to break the rules.
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Yes_Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 08/23/08
Posts: 7406
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[quote]IF you hadn't held the kids stuff "hostage". He's not allowed in your home, but then, he can always say he wasn't in your home...the kids were. And since he only went there to get what you were holding...it would look worse on you because you put the kids in the middle. You kept their things in retaliation for yours. And the kids shouldn't be in the middle of any of this. [/quote]
Agree.
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Yes_Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 08/23/08
Posts: 7406
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[quote]I have suspected my stuff has been thrown away by him. I emailed him asking that Q. I texted him the same Q. No answer.
So I decided that on this next exchange of the kids, I would "hold hostage" their stuff until I had my answer.
Backfire. Big time. I know better than to engage in games with him. His evilness wins every time.
What he did was, without my permission (court order that he has be be given permish to go to my home - even just drive by it) he came by. I was not home. Since I wasn't home, he directed the kids to go inside thru the garage (code). I would NEVER go inside his home! I even lived there! He has NEVER lived here. It is NOT his home.
The kids got their stuff.
I pulled up just as they were leaving.
Can you imagine if I was home? If I was inside engaged in whatever activity you can imagine (not that that's happening currently, but in the future, it sure will!!)? And the kids WALKED IN unplanned, unannounced!
There has to be some recourse here!!!!!
What can I do? [/quote]
And this is "Domestic Violence/Abuse" how?
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nolonger
enthusiast
Reged: 09/15/08
Posts: 305
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How does this fit into domestic violence?
HE BROKE COURT ORDER NOT TO COME TO MY HOME WITHOUT PERMISSION!
HE FURTHERMORE HAD MY D12 GO INTO MY HOME (HAVING HER FURTHER BREAK COURT ORDER FOR HIM) WITH OUT PERMISSION!
Can you imagine that you're in your home, you take a shower, you walk to the family room totally naked for whatever, and you are surprised by xxx (put any named or un named person here) walking into your door?!!? It is a total violation of privacy!!
I imagine the opposite. I have the kids walk into HIS home unannounced and without permission, and he is rolling in the sack with his new girlfriend!!!! I would NEVER put my kids into that position of discovery! It is reckless and irresponsible at best, it breaks the court order at worse.
How is this domestic violence? It is a total disregard of MY set boundaries, not to mention the boundaries spelled out by the LAW!
If you have to ask this question, I seriously beg you NOT to post here again.
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Yes_Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 08/23/08
Posts: 7406
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[quote]How does this fit into domestic violence?
HE BROKE COURT ORDER NOT TO COME TO MY HOME WITHOUT PERMISSION!
HE FURTHERMORE HAD MY D12 GO INTO MY HOME (HAVING HER FURTHER BREAK COURT ORDER FOR HIM) WITH OUT PERMISSION!
Can you imagine that you're in your home, you take a shower, you walk to the family room totally naked for whatever, and you are surprised by xxx (put any named or un named person here) walking into your door?!!? It is a total violation of privacy!!
I imagine the opposite. I have the kids walk into HIS home unannounced and without permission, and he is rolling in the sack with his new girlfriend!!!! I would NEVER put my kids into that position of discovery! It is reckless and irresponsible at best, it breaks the court order at worse.
How is this domestic violence? It is a total disregard of MY set boundaries, not to mention the boundaries spelled out by the LAW!
If you have to ask this question, I seriously beg you NOT to post here again. [/quote]
Again, what does this have to do with "violence". Did he come in and beat the crap out of you? No. He violated a CO and you misued the court system if you did it under the guide of domestic violence.
I beg you not to post here again....leave this forum to spouses who actually experience violence.
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6453
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Nothing you have described is DV.
Do you have a courrt order barring your D12 from entering your home ? If not, then a court order was not broken when your daughter entered your home (with the code that , presumably, you gave her !)
Is the divorce final ? If not, why don't you go to the marital home and get your stuff ?
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Yes_Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 08/23/08
Posts: 7406
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[quote]Nothing you have described is DV.
Do you have a courrt order barring your D12 from entering your home ? If not, then a court order was not broken when your daughter entered your home (with the code that , presumably, you gave her !)
Is the divorce final ? If not, why don't you go to the marital home and get your stuff ? [/quote]
Finz, the problem is orders of protection or whatever they are called in different states are issued without blinking an eye and all of a sudden the STBX becomes "abusive".
It's a total disservice and takes away resources that should be used on real cases, because obviously, domestic violence is very real.
I blame this on the lawyers, because if the can paint the STBX as an "abuser", it gives them a big leg up in court. It is CERTAINLY encouraged by lawyers that people like the OP do these things because it drags the case out (more $$) and helps with the win.
It's a big business in my county, where 80% of all divorces have OP's attached to them.
It's insantity, because "abuse" is painted with a very wide brush. Is physical violence abuse? Certainly. Is there such a thing as "verbal abuse" that falls into orders of protection? Yes, and that is wrong. If someone is saying something to you, you have 2 choices. Listen or not. If someone is beating the piss out of you, you don't have a choice and need protection. And unfortunately, they are usually taken out against men rather than women, for a variety of reasons.
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