carinad
recently joined
Reged: 01/05/09
Posts: 3
|
|
I seperated from my husband 5 months ago because he had an affair. We were going to counseling and stopped do to the holidays,now he doesn't want to go back and says he does not want to work things out. I was seeing someone and thought I could move on and let go,boy was I wrong. I love him very much still and realize I shouldn't have told him to let go. A horrible mistake and something I said out of impulse and didn't mean,I just wanted space at that time.
Now he is back with his gf and doesn't want me. I don't get it,he wants me he doesn't he does and now he doesn't anymore.
Was it just the jealousy thing? Maybe I should give him space and he will want to try again. I just don't know what to do anymore,I want so desperately for our family to be together I don't know what to do.
Any advice is appreciated
|
Annie7676
old hand
Reged: 06/05/05
Posts: 862
Loc: NY
|
|
I am sorry you are going through this. Its awful when a spouse wants out of a marriage. However, after being on these boards for a long time, its hard once a spouse wants out to get them to come back especially if someone else is involved. You can try all you like to save the marriage, counseling, self help, but if they dont want to be in the marriage the best thing to do is accept it as hard as it is and move on. It is one of the toughest and hardest moves one will ever have to make but the bottom line is you can't make them love you if they don't. If there is OW then why bother, he has made his choice.
I would not recommend seeing someone else because it may just be rebound and doing it to show the other person you can get someone...its hard to be in another relationship when you still want your spouse back and its not fair to the other person unless there are no strings and both of you can accept that.
Best advice I can give, is let him go, walk away and move as hard as you can to put this behind you. If you believe you can save your marriage and there is some hope then fight for it but if he is gone, has OW then its clear.
My X left me after almost 30 yrs of marriage for OW, he kept her hidden, if I had known for sure that it was due to her then it would have been easier for me to recover faster. AS it was I hung on way too long and there was no way in the world he was ever going to come back to the marriage. I could have saved myself alot of hurt and pain being dragged out and false hope.
I wish you luck, keep posting here everyone is very helpful.
I would recommend still to go to counseling for yourself.
|
carinad
recently joined
Reged: 01/05/09
Posts: 3
|
|
He says he loves me. One minute he wants me the next he doesn't,it keeps repeating this way.
The ow is a 20 year old college student who has to hide their relationship from her mommy and daddy. Why the heck would she want to deal with all the baggage that is involved? I don't get either of them,she tells everyone how bad he treats her yet she goes back to him. I think he treats her worse than he did me as he has been abusive to her already.
If she were smart she would just go away.
|
Annie7676
old hand
Reged: 06/05/05
Posts: 862
Loc: NY
|
|
I understand your situation and feel for you but having been dumped by my X for OW...and going through the horrible pain and hurt...never again...
You are the wife, you deserve to be treated better than this...if he wants the 20 yr old, then let him go as hard as it is...it may be mid life, you didn't say how old you are, whether you have kids, etc...
It hurts, it hurts alot but again, you deserve to be treated differently and not put aside for OW...we want our marriages to work, and want to save them but sometimes the OP is just not worth it and its hard for us to see that because we still love them and are clouded by so much emotion and pain.....
yes he says he loves you but his actions with a 20 yr old speak differently....who cares whether he treats her worse. He is married and should not be with her anyway....
From my experience, I would kick him to the curb...go to counseling, work on yourself and always leave the door open because maybe he will come to his senses.
again you should not have to play second to OW.
gOOD LUCK
|
christine1
addict
Reged: 04/21/08
Posts: 439
Loc: Ma
|
|
I agree with Annie - Been there and it was the worst thing I have ever gone through and still 3 years later think about it at times. It is traumatic. However, you need to think about yourself and tell him you have moved on..............He will not change. You deserve SO much better.
So Sorry!
Christine
|
MarriageBuilder
recently joined
Reged: 01/18/09
Posts: 3
Loc: Singapore
|
|
Thank you Annie for your valid advice.
Carinad, first i empathize with you. It must be difficult to be facing all these issues especially if you are going it thru alone.
I believe you deserve better treatment. And you own the rights to your husband's love and attention.
I guess try to work things out and if really doesnt get some help. Get some marriage experts to help you go thru this.
On one point, do stick to your principles and live by it regardless.
I hope things will come fine Carinad.
--------------------
Discover How To Can Turn an Ugly Marriage Around
|
finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6460
|
|
Hi Carinad,
I think the best advice I could give you is to follow the advice that you gave to the girl you don't even like............."I don't get either of them,she tells everyone how bad he treats her yet she goes back to him. I think he treats her worse than he did me as he has been abusive to her already. If she were smart she would just go away. "
He was abusive before, now he cheats on you. Why would you ever consider taking him back ?
Run, don't walk, to the nearest exit.
|
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
Edit
Reply
Quote
