nolonger
enthusiast
Reged: 09/15/08
Posts: 305
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Got our settlement judgement last Tuesday. Here it is 6 days later and X wants to renig on selling our stocks and selling the big house.
He basically wants to keep his house and the money.
Who wouldn't????
However, it all has to be divided equally so it was ordered sold.
What does the court do when one party refuses to follow the judgement?
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PhoenixRising
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/05/07
Posts: 3681
Loc: New York
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You have to file a motion for contempt and the court conferences/dispositions/hearing/trial start all over again...
GL
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Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. --Plato
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nolonger
enthusiast
Reged: 09/15/08
Posts: 305
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That sounds fun.
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PhoenixRising
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/05/07
Posts: 3681
Loc: New York
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You get through it.. The trick is to force yourself to have a life... Don't put your life on hold. Don't decide to not do anything until this is "over"... Realistically, it might never be over.
Whether through therapy, medication, church, friends, exercise; you need to be able to look at court dates like GYN appointments; just another one of the inconveinent necessities.
PS: A judge will probably not hear a contempt motion after only 6days... Does your order give him a timeline? My order gave him 30days for the really critical and/or easy stuff and a year for everything else.
The process for contempt (after a reasonable period) would be to have a lawyer write a letter as to what is still not done. A concise description of what actions are required on his part and a given reasonable date for it to be done by.
After that, you would file a motion. Make sure if you file; you ask for attorney fees. Here in NYS and many other states, the law states that if contempt is found then the award of legals fees can be considered.
Lastly, only fight what you can win. Part of my order required my ex to turn over certain assets in his possession. They disappeared; therefore no longer in his possession, given the way the order was written; there is no other recourse for those items.
One final note.. Take the emotion out it.. Get over any feelings of its not fair; I want to punish him, etc.. Figure out what another trial and maybe another trial after that might cost and make sure you are not fighting a losing war.
Not too many of us can afford to go to court to win only on principal...
Not obeying a court order is not a criminal offense. It is considered a civil matter; judges do not have a whole lot of enforcement clout. They can jail him but they don't usually and certainly won't after 6days maybe 6years; but even then the maximum time allowed for civil offenses is "usually" something like 3mths. And in the end; you still don't have what you want.
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Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. --Plato
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nolonger
enthusiast
Reged: 09/15/08
Posts: 305
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PR, thanks for your advice.
Oddly, I have little emotion towards the material things. They're just things. I DO have emotion when it comes to the crap he pulls involving our kids.
Which is what he did last night.
So my lawyer wrote a detailed letter about the events of last night (he broke court order again) and how it involved the kids and that if we have another incident, we will have the courts review child custody and everyone gets evaluated.
Then we added that given the first dead line being next Tuesday and he has refused logical communication about personal possession division, we are prepared to go ahead with the judgement that dictates the police be present when we physically divide possessions, noting that they WILL arrest him for any behavior that is not cooperative and cordial.
I have moved on with my life and am ejoying life more than ever before. I am active in my own personal life as well as very active with my kids. I see X attend events that I am participating in with my kids and he is sullen, often with his eyes either closed or staring off into space, obviously preoccupied by his thoughts. It is CLEAR to me that HE is the one who needs to emotionally get over all this. I simply don't understand how he isn't given the fact that he's still seriously dating one of my ex-good friends.
He's not doing a very good job of showing the world how happy he is now, like he claims to be.
BTW, he scares the crap out of me because of this. TOTAl Jeckyll and Hyde who has made threats to my life but I really only know him as more bark than bite. Unfortunately the barking won't ever stop.
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nolonger
enthusiast
Reged: 09/15/08
Posts: 305
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His emotionally abusive messages that he left me on friday include his "right by law to come into my home and meticulously inventory all that I've bought so he can buy back and give my jewelry to his future wife and he wants my boat". He has 2 boats that both cost more than mine at purchase. The jewelry was given to me for the births of our kids.
All is communal property to be divided. He does have the right to buy them from me.
Can you imagine receiving a piece of 10 year old (or more) jewelry from your new husband that was once worn by the ex wife for the gift of bearing children?
This is so twisted.
It is, however, just stuff.
I wonder how this division will pan out.
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shortmarriage
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 12/07/08
Posts: 1773
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Hey nolonger,
I thought "gifts" were just that. That they are not to be negotiated in a settlement.
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nolonger
enthusiast
Reged: 09/15/08
Posts: 305
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It was established in this case that the jewelry (valued at over $50,000) was communal property due to it's significant value.
I just wonder how he has dibs on MY boat! I am willing to cash him for me to keep it, but I can't even think about how he feels he has a right to even consider buying it from me. That'd be like me telling him that his brand new snowmobile is MINE when he bought it after I moved out. I isn't mine and never was! I don't even think about getting it!
Also, it's clear to me that my jewelry he's using as a tool for emotional abuse. His message said, "I bought it. It's mine. I don't love you any more so it means nothing to you, and I may want to give it to my future wife." What this statement has in it is a lie: WE bought it for ME. An attempt to hurt my feelings: I don't love you any more. Brainwashing by him telling me what I feel: It means nothing to you. And another cut to my feelings: I may want to give it to my future wife (he's seriously dating an ex friend of mine).
Two things are clear. He's using any means to punish me. He doesn't seriously need/want the jewelry (or the boat)but he's willing to abuse the negotiations to get everything from me.
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