devastated
recently joined
Reged: 01/31/09
Posts: 1
|
|
I am 21 years old - I have been w/ my husband for 7 years. Married for 5 in May. We have a beautiful 4 year old daughter. SHE IS MY LIFE AND SOUL! We've had a happy marriage up until about 6 months ago. My husband starting having panic attacks classified under PTSD. He was put on Medication and then began drinking heavily. Each month his "episodes" would get worse. THIS IS MY BEST FRIEND- I stood by and supported (just like I had through the last 2 deployments)..well, Dec 21..my husband left my child in the care of her grandmother while I was at work and took off to a bar. Sure enough I had to end the night w/ my daughter in a motel room. He appologized I excepted and that was that- we agreed on a vacation back home to help us both out. We spent 2 weeks w/ family. I put him on a plan and off he went (i was goin to stay an extra 2 weeks then come home). 3-4 days I got a phone call- ($400) BLOWN IN BARS...he admitted to my grandfather he had cheated on me and no longer loved me. (apparently later I found he was caught by another military wife in bed w/ a women)..he doesn't answer phone calls - my granfather is supporting me and child. I've tried to get attorneys but I'm not consider a resident of anywhere therefore no one can help me. I'm in fear he may try to come and get our daughter and in his state of mind, I FEAR FOR HER SAFETY...I'M LOST, I want to protect her and me but every law there is seem to endager us and protect him- Due to the fact he is active duty. PLEASE ANY INFORMATION - please i'm begging for help!!!
|
Redlegg
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26804
|
|
What are you looking for exactly. Do you want to file for divorce, seperation, a restraining order, what are you looking to accomplish?
|
christine1
addict
Reged: 04/21/08
Posts: 439
Loc: Ma
|
|
Find out who his commander is and get in touch with him immediately.
Good Luck!
|
Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
|
|
[quote]Find out who his commander is and get in touch with him immediately.
Good Luck! [/quote]
And tell him/her what exactly?
Bad advice.
Poster: File for divorce, get a temp. order and move on with your life.
--------------------
13.1...because I am only half crazy!
|
christine1
addict
Reged: 04/21/08
Posts: 439
Loc: Ma
|
|
I've tried to get attorneys but I'm not consider a resident of anywhere therefore no one can help me. I'm in fear he may try to come and get our daughter and in his state of mind, I FEAR FOR HER SAFETY...I'M LOST, I want to protect her and me but every law there is seem to endager us and protect him- Due to the fact he is active duty. PLEASE ANY INFORMATION - please i'm begging for help!!!
"If she is not a resident and is in need of immediate assistance she needs to contact his commander"
|
Redlegg
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26804
|
|
I will ask then. What can the Commander do in this situation?
|
finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6495
|
|
How are you not a resident of anywhere ?
Where are you from ? Where are you now ? Where were you married ? Where is hubby stationed ?
|
khitti
recently joined
Reged: 02/06/09
Posts: 1
|
|
You're best bet is to go to the family services center on the military base nearest you.
They will help you out with counseling and inform his command if needed, to assure that he is not financially neglecting his responsibilities.
Just going to the command won't win you many friends or much help..thats what the fam svs ctr is there for..good luck.
|
ButterflyMom
journeyman
Reged: 01/02/09
Posts: 81
|
|
The commander can order him to stay on post. also, if they are living off post, then the commander will force him to give her the BAH (money)... the commander has to be notified for things like this as he is responsible for his soldier. That is one really good thing about the military ... they don't want their soldiers doing things that will make the rest of them look bad so they will get them in line... usually.
|
Redlegg
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26804
|
|
For what reason?????
|
ButterflyMom
journeyman
Reged: 01/02/09
Posts: 81
|
|
"for what reason?" --
for what reason for what??????????
|
Redlegg
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26804
|
|
When can a commander restrict a servicemember, Under what authority can a commander deny a servicemember their freedom????
|
ButterflyMom
journeyman
Reged: 01/02/09
Posts: 81
|
|
a commander can restrict any servicemember to base and even to barracks. they can also deny passes for leave thus when someone leaves its called AWOL. absent without leave.
The family services center, a chaplain and AER army emercency relief will get in contact with the commanding officer of any soldier that needs to be straightened out. The commander can even be notified for instance if the rent on an off post home is not being paid by the serviceman. The commander will then make sure the serviceman follows through with his obligations. It is not always easy to get the help, but it has gotten better for families.
if a soldier really messes up he can have some pay taken away and even worse knocked down in rank. it also hurts the soldier if the family is not behaving. it does go both ways .... so if you have rowdy kids then you as the soldier can be called on it.
|
Redlegg
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26804
|
|
Ok, so when can a commander restrict a servicemember, under what authority can a commander deny a service member their freedom.
You throw it out there like a Commander can just say you stay and it doesn't work like that. In fact a Commander cannot make a service member pay any debts that are not owed to the government. They can only punish them for not paying their debts. Anybody can tell the Commander that a servicemember needs "straightening out", but that is not a legal reason to restrict a soldier. Commanders can do lots of things, but they cannot restrict soldiers without due process.
Its called non judicial punishment. It is a process. The soldier signs or doesn't sign certain papers assumiing responsibility for certain actions, generally housing and an ID card. The soldier does not have to assume any responsibility for the dependents who have id cards, and the soldier may be removed from housing, and family members may be denied certain privileges, such as access to the installation.
You are painting a picture of the general myth. A spouse is not happy with the other spouse, so let me call the commander to get it right. That is not how it works. There are certain procedures that have to happen in order for things to happen. Instead of throwing out the call the commander thing, which is really not that effective. Of course once you ask for more info, notice what happened?????
They left.
|
ButterflyMom
journeyman
Reged: 01/02/09
Posts: 81
|
|
The soldier is required to give the portion of BAH that he recieves due to having a family to the family if they are not living with him. According to the rules on the installations I have been at, if the soldiers family acts up on post,there can be consequences for the soldier. You are right, the soldier does not have to sign for the the dependents to get id cards, but once it is done, the id cards can not be taken away until there is a divorce. I know this for a fact. I used the term straightening out instead of going into detail. If a soldier is behaving inappropriately towards his family, actions such as taking anger management classes, and/or remvoal from the home and sent to the barracks can be done. This I also know to be fact. As for restricting, they can do that.... for example, several soldiers from a unit were arrested for DUI so the whole unit was restricted to post for a 48 hr period (the weekend). Yet another example of how the commander can get the soldier to do what is required of him, including paying the rent and or damages: A soldier lives off post, but does not take care of the property and is late on the rent repeatedly, all the landlord has to do is make the phone call to post and through whatever means necessary, within a few days the rent is paid and the damages are fixed ...
That is true, the original poster has not come back to see what anyone answers....
Yes, i realize that there is a procedure, but for most newly married military spouses, they do not know that, nor do they typically know that the commander of his unit and/or post can do any of this. And unless they have a really good FRG they usually don't even know where to turn if they do need help.
Are you prior military? just curious...
SMILE
|
Redlegg
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26804
|
|
Actually in the Army, a spouse is entitled to the entire BAH as a minimum for support in the absence of a court order, the other branches handle it differently. It is not a rule on the installations, it is an Army Regulation. The ID cards can be taken away since the spouse does not own them. the only ones who can take them are the approving authority. In cases where a family member has had their on post privileges revoked, they will get a pass that allows them entrance to post to use the medical facilities only. That is where you are giving out bad info, and that will hurt family members. A family member cannot call up the Commander and say my husband joe snuffy is acting inappropriately he needs an anger management class, it just doesn't work that way. Working with family advocacy and usually a blotter, but not always, there has to be an incident to trigger this. There have been too many irate spouses who just call when they're angry and want to get back at the soldier. What you should have done was tell the spouse to contact the civilian authorities if she is off post and the MPs if she is on post. Removal from the home, again it would take the civilian authorities to remove him from the home. If the family was living in quarters, then again, the MPs, which in turn gives you a blotter and there you have it, an incident. In fact many installations have a mandatory cool down period of around 72 hours after there is an incident. Again you are mistaken. The only way a soldier can be restricted is through non judicial punishment. Now there are certain things that can be done, but realistically do you want to tell a spouse that hopefully her husband can be restricted if two soldiers get DWIs. I mean that is not even close besides being incorrect. A commander can have a safety shake down in a case like that, but that is not even close to restriction. And the misadventures of soldiers in a unit does not really help the spouse. You are not getting it, a Commander cannot make a soldier pay bills, rent or anything else, the only thing a commander can do is collect a debt owed to the government. A soldier can be punished for excessive debt, but he cannot be made to pay his bills. Some soldiers are just not going to pay their bills period. The procedure to restrict or reduce a soldier in rank has nothing to do with what you are talking about, you are talking about domestic violence, and the best advice is to tell the spouse to call the MPs, or the police. The chain of command will get involved when that happens and they will look out for the family and the soldier. It is not an issue of what the Commander can and cannot do, that is laid out very specifically. You can read AR 27-10, and the MCM, and you can educate yourself as any spouse can, but when they ask for help, you should want them to have accurate information and where to go to get the most help quickly.
Whether or not I am prior military has no bearing, experience is relative.
WINK
|
ButterflyMom
journeyman
Reged: 01/02/09
Posts: 81
|
|
you are right. I didn't use the actual technical terms. I just went based on what i personally know and have seen. I would want the spouses to have the best information possible. I wish I had had someone like you to tell me all that when I needed it.
i unfortunately was at an installation that did not really look out for the family... the initial inquiries and chain went to the 1st sgt. who was his friend and he did nothing. It wasn't until the commander was contacted (not by me but by another person, who was retired military) that anything was even done.
|
Redlegg
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26804
|
|
You have been through it, you have alot to offer, and people will ask things here that you know about. Help them like you got helped. If they are a spouse, and going through a divorce, that automatically cuts down their options because the their husband/wife has already spread the word at the unit, and sometimes they make it harder to get help and info. You can really help them out. I really think the biggest part of the problem is that there is the information out there that the installation or the FRG will do alot of these things, and the reality is that they don't. Spouses and family members need to be ready to do these things themselves, and education is the best way. That and alot of searching online, :)
It sounds like you did not have a good experience, but out of that some good will come, especially from helping someone else get through the same thing.
|
ButterflyMom
journeyman
Reged: 01/02/09
Posts: 81
|
|
You are definately right. I did get help, but from a different installation, in a completely different state. Once I was back at home, (near the second installation), I was able to get more help on what to do. The people in my ex's unit knew what was going on and I was lucky to have one of the soldiers and his wife and then the wife of a soldier (the soldier did not want to get involved) who helped me as much as they could despite the rest of the unit knowing what was happening and doing nothing. Things really started moving for me when I was put in contact with the chaplain. He truly did help.
|
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
Edit
Reply
Quote
