justlorig
journeyman
Reged: 12/03/05
Posts: 89
Loc: New Jersey
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strange that i come in here more and more often to read thoughts and feelings from others that I don't know but feel so connected with staring at the ceiling as i cry myself to sleep again last night ... wondering if i will be able to somehow be able to keep my house ... and even if i do how in the world can i afford to maintain it ... let alone pay the utilities and food shopping ... i busted my butt all these years and for what ... to have to try to buy him out see he can enjoy life with the ***** nonstop thinking that she will be sitting on the new harley sitting in the garage or the truck ..... touching him .... yeah unfortunately for me this was so sudden that even though i hate what he is doing to me ... i still love him ... what is wrong with my head .... how am i expected to "accept" in four months that he does not love me ... files for divorce ... has a relationship with another woman ... and is leaving .... oh by the way forgot to mention that all the savings i have had was stolen and he says he has no clue what i am talking about ... and the police cannot help nor the insurance because it was cash .... damn sometimes the idea of going to sleep and not feeling anything sounds good but instead of the bottle of sleeping pills ... i come in here to "let go" thanks all for being here and letting someone new gets things off her chest and mind
lori
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sandflea
addict
Reged: 09/08/05
Posts: 447
Loc: norfolk, Virginia
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Hi Lori,
I know all too well about the grief you're experiencing. I think we all do. It affects folks differently - and, well - it sounds like you're living it big time right now.
There is nothing wrong with your head - or the way that you're feeling. Fact is, you made a promise to this man, to be there for him, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, till death. You're heart was present at the communion of that promise, and it's still beating to "marriage time". It can't believe what your head, and your eyes, are telling it. It's in shock - so are you.
How can people that we once believed were so much a part of our lives, of our UNIVERSE, cast us aside like this? I know about those questions. On this forum, we all do. It's literally unbelievable that we should have to see so much selfishness, so much human frailty and weakness and bitter ugly betrayal in this life. I know what you're going through. And I wish there was a way for someone to some how take away the pain. In a way, as you move forward through your transition, and start to take back your life, your power, and you grace - you'll read something someone writes on this board - and it will take you back to that point in your life. Your post has done that for me. You re-live it. You can't totally escape it. But it does get better.
Stay away from the sleeping pills. I know you need rest, but you also really really need to talk this out - that worked for me. The board is great for that - it will help you heal, to get it out there, and find that you're not alone. Nope. We've all been there. And you do heal. In time.
It's doubley hard for you right now given the season. That's why you need to be twice as strong. As we move into Winter, it's going to be tough. I think you know that.
I think what you need to focus on, is - once this terrible season has run it's course, there WILL be a Springtime. Focus on making it till spring, when the daffodils start to poke up. Think of that as a metaphor for your transition, and your healing. Think of that as your vision this season - green poking up through the snow. And dare to dream that your life will be rich, and loving, and fun again. It really will. I Promise.
SF
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Beaches, Bluegrass, Bach, Beer, Bodhisattva, Blisters, Bikes, Boats, Bhujangasana and Bayer
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kav
old hand
Reged: 06/10/05
Posts: 816
Loc: NC
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Lori
Hugs to you!!! Have you thought about going to counseling? At this stage of your life it might be a good idea. Also, and I hate to be a drug pusher here but...my therapist had me put on anti-depressants and they really helped...I call them my miracle drug. Like you, tears always came to my eyes, I thought dying was better than living (not suicidal) and I had the compulsive think of him on a daily basis. The anti-depressants help take some of that away.
I was so happy to read in your post that when you get very depressed..you come here to the board..keep doing that..we'll get you through this..
Here's the word we all learned to hate..but it's true.."time"..it just takes time..you have to fake it until you make it..
Keep yourself busy..join a gym..keep yourself surrounded by friends..volunteer..anything..just stay busy...force yourself until it gets easy..and most importantly, keep coming here..
Hugs
Kim
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Yesterday I dared to struggle. Today I dare to win.
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rocketgirl
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/24/04
Posts: 8562
Loc: On the beach in 14 years...
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How was the money "stolen"? Did he withdraw it from the bank account? If so, then there will be a record of it and depending on the state you live in, then 1/2 of it is yours. If you haven't done so, please go retain some legal help. I know it is easier to sit and bury your head in the sand because it hurts to think of someone you loved betraying you so badly, but you have to go into survival mode right now. If you don't fight for what is rightfully yours, then you will lose it all. You might have to sell the house but it is better than living someplace you can't afford. He probably has had a long time to think and plan about this so the quicker you can get into an active mode, the better off you will be. Please go get a good lawyer and get started... I know its hard, but it is something that you need to do.
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Lisa
Diplomacy - the art of telling someone to go to hell, and them looking forward to the trip.
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SteelersJR1
addict
Reged: 10/03/05
Posts: 693
Loc: PA
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Lori,
You've come to the right place. We're all here to help, and we've all gone or are going thru the same issues. I know it looks bleak right now, but there IS a light at the other end. As Lisa said, retain an attorney. I know it seems like you're betraying him, but you've got to protect yourself.
This is a difficult thing to have to go thru-nobody wants it. There are people here that will help you every step of the way, with advice, support, or just listening to you vent. I love this board, but I also hate the fact that it has to exist. Just remember, you don't have to go thru this alone. There are many good people here-all willing to do things for you that HE wouldn't.
Geoff
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Being defeated is only a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.
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Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7139
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Lori,
I'm not going to prend that it's all okay, because it's NOT. No one can tell you what he's thinking or why he did what he did. People who do this don't care about anyone but themselves. I know you probably think no one can understand exactly what you're going through, but we do. These people.....on this board........are my lifeline and my life savers. Their words kept me going when I didn't think I was going to be able to (with in the past couple of weeks). I am going to STRONGLY urge you to go to your Dr. People told me to do it for 3 weeks and I kept thinking I was going to be okay and didn't need help. Well, I finally went last week after spending the whole weekend sobbing uncontrolably and wanting to die (sound familiar?) I knew I couldn't go on like I was. I was as, Ginni phrased it to me, deathly sad. If you know that feeling then call first thing tomorrow morning and make an appointment. It will NOT get better without help. I was put on Lexapro and it seems to be doing wonders. I am calmer and more lucid and I've actually laughed out loud the past few days. I'm not going through a divorce right now. I did that 5 years ago, but the man I thought was the love of my life has done pretty much the same thing as your husband (except for flaunting someone in front of me, which has to make it worse) It went from wanting to spend the rest of his life with me and me being everything to him at the end of September, to him being done with me at the end of October. Remember, it's THEM, not you and you have to pick up the pieces and go on. There is no other choice. There are angels everywhere on this board. Let us pick you up and help carry you back to comfort like they did for me......................(((HUGS))))
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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bacall
enthusiast
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 274
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Dear Lori -- have to add my words to the other posters. Write, write and write until you can't think anymore. Let the pain OUT -- and get out of the house. Don't know where you live, but anywhere you live there has got to be a front door that allows you to leave. Go to a bookstore -- Borders is a great place to hang around, browse through the many books on divorce if you are in a strong mood, or go find a fictional "happy" book to sit and read. I'd recommend walks, but it sounds like you might be too depressed right now to walk alone. If you have friends/family nearby, tell them -- and tell them so they understand... (this takes more doing than you may believe) that you need help -- someone to hold your hand, talk to you. If that doesn't work (and don't fret if it doesn't -- I have found the hardest way possible -- through experience -- that divorce is a "touchy" subject and some people really don't want to get as close as you may imagine them being able to), just find something that gives you pleasure and do it -- if you like to write, really, come to this board. Back a ways, this board was my constant companion. It was so good to work through ideas and feelings and let them out and see what came back. Everyone on the board has gone through what you are going through. There will be times when someone writes something and you have to check to make sure you don't have a split personality or something (! just kidding) because they are writing down -- almost word for word -- what you have just thought. Divorce plays many tricks on our minds and hearts and you have a lot to work through. I second everyone else's comments about seeking help and never being afraid to ask for it. And, something I failed to do which was a big, big mistake -- find an attorney and work with him/her. You will need all the help you can get right now. Anyway, come to the board often -- it really, really helps. Lots of hugs and prayers sent your way, bacall
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