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Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 09/30/05
Posts: 4197
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Its not for you to understand as its not for a lot of us to understand because it isn't behavior we would engage in. I can't explain it or comprehend it as I could never cheat - if you don't want to be with someone tell them, get a divorce, then be with the other person - why hurt someone and be that selfish? But, I always think too logically.
Go kiss your child and be greatful for the joys you still have (my husband lost that joy too) and call your military mental health clinic as you are still covered under tricare and get yourself some help and stop self-medicating as like you found it will only make yourself sicker. You may need to get a referral through your primary care referral. This is going to be a long road. Some people can get over stuff like this quickly, while others it will take a long time. Its not easy to move past this, especially with someone you loved, trusted and had a child with. But, in time, it will get better, and you will find peace and you will love again. But, get yourself some help, get a divorce, and move on (and yes, its easier said than done, but get yourself at minimum to your primary care doc for a referral if you cannot get into the therapist directly).
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Tweeby
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/05/04
Posts: 7100
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sadinwi, I am sorry for the pain you are going through. Listen to the others, they have experience in this. You do need time to grieve, divorce is like a death, the death of the relationship along with the hopes and dreams you both had together.
I understand that you want him to hurt the way that you are hurting. Revenge is not the way to do it, it will not make you heal any faster and you may find that it hurts you even more. A little daydreaming about awful things that you can do to him is fine, just don't act upon them and don't dwell too long. The best revenge is good living.
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sadinwi
recently joined
Reged: 02/16/09
Posts: 15
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I did go see the doc today. And I got some sleep this afternoon. I'm looking foward to going to work tomorrow and having a "normal" as possible day. I'm looking foward to starting the counceling too.
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Redlegg
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26690
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One day at a time
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rocketgirl
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/24/04
Posts: 8562
Loc: On the beach in 14 years...
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You are giving this (and him) way too much power over you.. time to take it back.
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Lisa
Diplomacy - the art of telling someone to go to hell, and them looking forward to the trip.
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sadinwi
recently joined
Reged: 02/16/09
Posts: 15
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How do I stop?
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Changes09
recently joined
Reged: 02/26/09
Posts: 6
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Take it minute by minute if you have to. My husband is also having an affair and we have two kids (one only a few weeks old). Do everything you can to smile about one thing each day- I find that it's usually something that one of my kids has done. I know everyone tells you to take really good care of yourself but I also know how hard it is so give yourself a break. Some days are better than others and sometimes just letting yourself off the hook for even five minutes can make a difference. Give yourself time to grieve but don't let it consume you. Not sure whether you decided to report or not- I'm still struggling with that one as well so no real advice there. Be good to yourself and your child. Take comfort in knowing that you are strong and that you can be the better role model for your child. You deserve so much better.
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Clutch
recently joined
Reged: 03/17/09
Posts: 11
Loc: San Antonio
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Now, I'm going to argue the "other" side since no one has.
It's a shame to think that simply because the husband is military, that he should go unpunished when BREAKING THE LAW (UCMJ). This is no different than if he got a DUI or hit his wife.
As commissioned officers, you're held to a much higher standard than PVT Joe. Everyone automatically assumes the motive is revenge. Of course, part of it is. But, how about the motive being ensuring people are held accountable for their actions? Would anyone give the same “think about the money” advice if he hit her during a heated argument?
It's not an easy situation to be in. Truth be told, based on our Army's operation tempo, the more-than-likely scenario is that both officers get a General Letter of Reprimand. What’s this mean? It means they are going to have a difficult time fast tracking a promotion and will be removed from a leadership position; which is the right course of action.
All in all, the argument works for both sides. But, don’t ever think about it as you’re the one ruining their careers. They ruined it themselves. They can’t blame you for that at all. I know this topic is a little dated, so, you should be on your way to “recovery.” GOD Bless and take care.
Edited by Clutch (03/18/09 10:50 AM)
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