LoveLost
recently joined
Reged: 02/16/09
Posts: 2
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Never really thought I'd be here despite some rough times in our 23 year marriage. Sounds silly as I typed it, as I guess none of ever think we will be here, on a divorce site.
Neither has filed yet but I wouldn't be surprised if he did or if things continue the way they have been, that I do.
First, I feel it is important to say that I love my husband but as he once said himself, he doesn't know what love is. I have been through thick and thin with him but his recent disrespect of me has made me see that he resents me and I don't think there is much hope for us as I don't think he loves me anymore. I need to know now what to expect as far as spousal support if we indeed have to end it. Here are some details- not sure how much is relevant, but any input as to how spousal support might work in our situation.
Married 24 years. No children. He makes about 80K per year. Felony conviction 11 years ago. I have always worked until 3 1/2 years ago when I became disabled and my life turned upside down. I do NOT draw SS Disability but am in the middle of the long drawn out process with an attorney in our state- IN. They have a 3 year back log and have no idea when a decision will be reached on that. Both of my doctors and medical evidence states I am unable to work, which I am- most days pain controls my life. The problem seems to be that it (SSD) is harder to get when you are under 50 or 55. Spouse has had a drug problem off and on throughout marriage. Has gone to counseling/ program for that but it is still an issue and has lack of anger control. Has a felony conviction dating back 11 years. We have considerable debt due to major medical bills not covered by insurance. Had about 40K equity in our home but who knows now with the economy and homes depreciating. He has GED and I have a few semesters of college, no degree. Last job I had taken before my disease was to be able to work days and go to school at nights. Now, have problems w/ mobility and pain and can barely get through the day at times. Have tried to remain upbeat through becoming disabled but the last couple of years the problems in our relationship have made that nearly impossible. Does everyone cry when typing out that their marriage they thought would last through good and bad just blows up and they are reduced to a divorce website?? I have stood by him through the years- embarrassing trial, the drug use, etc. but if he can't stand by me through something I had no control over and still treat me with respect, well I feel I deserve alimony. There's no way I could live/ support myself with no ability to work and not drawing SSD. Even with the SSD, if I win my case, it would be just under $800 per month. I don't want to hurt the man, but, I still feel sick when I say this, maybe we would both be better off not being married. I truly do want us both to be happy and if that is apart, then it has to be. What do you think the laws of our state say about alimony (amounts, time period) when all the factors I have mentioned are involved? Any other input about divorces, if anything sticks out to you, would be appreciated. Also, do some states call it spousal support and some call it alimony, or is the later just an old fashioned name for it? Thanks for reading.
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googledad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 12/31/05
Posts: 10207
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Usually rehabilitative maintenance is awarded in IN for a term not to exceed 36 months , allowances are made for a spouse who is physically or mentally incapacitated to the extent that they are unable to support themselves , permanent maintenance seems in order .
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Careful. We don't want to learn from this.
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apples
journeyman
Reged: 02/05/09
Posts: 84
Loc: Illinois
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In regards to your SSD, my mother went through the same thing, different medical problems I'm sure, but had a long wait to get approved. One thing her lawyer told her was to not give up because it takes so long. He felt that was a tactic SSD used in order to weed out having to pay some people. SHe also got in touch with one of her state senators who stepped in to help. After talking with the senators office she had a date set to be in front of the admistrative law judge the next month. You may try that yourself. Also, if/when you are approved for SSD they will usually back pay you to the date you first became disabled. That would be a hefty amount of money being sent to you. Be sure to use it wisely. Good luck and hang in there.
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javajunkiee
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 3158
Loc: SC
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My mother made 3 attempts at SSD and was approved, after involving an attorney, at 52yo. Her dx was MS and it still took that long. Take heart, if you have the appropriate documentation you'll get it eventually.
As for the alimony, the fact your SSD is not approved yet will factor in. Whether it will help you, or hurt you, I couldn't say. Consult with an attorney or two to find out your options and as much info as possible about the family courts in your area.
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Marriage doesn't come with a money-back guarantee.
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6495
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The back check from SSDI is nifty when it comes in, but be prepared for the stbx to get half of it because it is marital property.
A consult with a divorce lawyer could give you some idea of how much alimony you could get and for how long. I have heard that you would be a candidate for permanent support because you became disabled during the marriage. It could be problematic if you awarded alimony and he just refuses to pay it. You could also get stuck going without health insurance if you divorce before the SSDI comes through.
I hope that SSDI will come through for you soon. The process took about 3 years for me
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Yes_Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 08/23/08
Posts: 7406
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[quote]Never really thought I'd be here despite some rough times in our 23 year marriage. Sounds silly as I typed it, as I guess none of ever think we will be here, on a divorce site.
Neither has filed yet but I wouldn't be surprised if he did or if things continue the way they have been, that I do.
First, I feel it is important to say that I love my husband but as he once said himself, he doesn't know what love is. I have been through thick and thin with him but his recent disrespect of me has made me see that he resents me and I don't think there is much hope for us as I don't think he loves me anymore. I need to know now what to expect as far as spousal support if we indeed have to end it. Here are some details- not sure how much is relevant, but any input as to how spousal support might work in our situation.
Married 24 years. No children. He makes about 80K per year. Felony conviction 11 years ago. I have always worked until 3 1/2 years ago when I became disabled and my life turned upside down. I do NOT draw SS Disability but am in the middle of the long drawn out process with an attorney in our state- IN. They have a 3 year back log and have no idea when a decision will be reached on that. Both of my doctors and medical evidence states I am unable to work, which I am- most days pain controls my life. The problem seems to be that it (SSD) is harder to get when you are under 50 or 55. Spouse has had a drug problem off and on throughout marriage. Has gone to counseling/ program for that but it is still an issue and has lack of anger control. Has a felony conviction dating back 11 years. We have considerable debt due to major medical bills not covered by insurance. Had about 40K equity in our home but who knows now with the economy and homes depreciating. He has GED and I have a few semesters of college, no degree. Last job I had taken before my disease was to be able to work days and go to school at nights. Now, have problems w/ mobility and pain and can barely get through the day at times. Have tried to remain upbeat through becoming disabled but the last couple of years the problems in our relationship have made that nearly impossible. Does everyone cry when typing out that their marriage they thought would last through good and bad just blows up and they are reduced to a divorce website?? I have stood by him through the years- embarrassing trial, the drug use, etc. but if he can't stand by me through something I had no control over and still treat me with respect, well I feel I deserve alimony. There's no way I could live/ support myself with no ability to work and not drawing SSD. Even with the SSD, if I win my case, it would be just under $800 per month. I don't want to hurt the man, but, I still feel sick when I say this, maybe we would both be better off not being married. I truly do want us both to be happy and if that is apart, then it has to be. What do you think the laws of our state say about alimony (amounts, time period) when all the factors I have mentioned are involved? Any other input about divorces, if anything sticks out to you, would be appreciated. Also, do some states call it spousal support and some call it alimony, or is the later just an old fashioned name for it? Thanks for reading. [/quote]
Accept his alimony for what is is but make sure you DO NOT have a clause that it is non-modfiable, since you are waiting on SSA decidion, if you understand what I mean.
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LoveLost
recently joined
Reged: 02/16/09
Posts: 2
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Thanks all. The back-pay on disability would be great but SS takes off 6 months from application date, attorney takes 25%, federal taxes and the fact we only showed him for income on our previously owned business (thanks to accountant's advice) the back pay if gotten today would only be about 20K or less. Yes, I would use it wisely, for a place to live. I think my income would be low enough to qualify for some other help. Hate to even think about that. Just as scary would be losing health insurance, but as I understand it, 2 yrs after SSD kicks in, I'd be eligible for Medicare despite my fairly young age.
Yes Dad- Accept his alimony for what is is but make sure you DO NOT have a clause that it is non-modifiable, since you are waiting on SSA decision, if you understand what I mean. I am not certain I do understand what you mean. Do you mean to not have something in divorce that says alimony only if/ or until I were to get SSD? If so, I would think an attorney would make sure of that? If that isn't what you meant, would you please elaborate?
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Yes_Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 08/23/08
Posts: 7406
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[quote]Thanks all. The back-pay on disability would be great but SS takes off 6 months from application date, attorney takes 25%, federal taxes and the fact we only showed him for income on our previously owned business (thanks to accountant's advice) the back pay if gotten today would only be about 20K or less. Yes, I would use it wisely, for a place to live. I think my income would be low enough to qualify for some other help. Hate to even think about that. Just as scary would be losing health insurance, but as I understand it, 2 yrs after SSD kicks in, I'd be eligible for Medicare despite my fairly young age.
Yes Dad- Accept his alimony for what is is but make sure you DO NOT have a clause that it is non-modifiable, since you are waiting on SSA decision, if you understand what I mean. I am not certain I do understand what you mean. Do you mean to not have something in divorce that says alimony only if/ or until I were to get SSD? If so, I would think an attorney would make sure of that? If that isn't what you meant, would you please elaborate? [/quote]
No, what I mean is since you haven't been approved yet, I wouldn't count on being approved. If you have to use an attorney, that means it is going to take a long time if ever. Most CO's make alimony non-modifiable with the exception of an increase in his income. If you are not approved, the court won't recognize your "disability" even if 25 doctors march in and say you are. More people are not approved than are. SSA has a list of basic slam dunk disabilities but if you are using a lawyer, that means you are (or have had) a SSA hearing. And don't forget, if HE looses his job, he can collect off of your disability. Make sure the CO states alimony is modifiable for any reason at any time. Most people, even with lawyers, are turned down for SSDI (or probably in your case SSI since you haven't worked in a while and might not have the credits)
If you are turned down by SSA, you are not disabled in the eyes of the court.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30378
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...on what he did to disrespect you? I mean, you seem to be REALLY stuck on this felony conviction 11 years ago, and I will be honest, that probably won't count for anything. And you bring up his different times of drug use, but drug use CAN meet the definition of a disability, so as you can imagine, going into court and expecting help because of YOUR disability, while using HIS disability as a reason would make you look silly.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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Yes_Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 08/23/08
Posts: 7406
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A 20 year old felony in my case (not by me) made all the difference in the world.
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