gm4
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We have been married for 15 years and have a 13 year old kid. Live in Ontario. My wife now wants a divorce (and I know it is because of some other guy...i have covertly discovered). I dont want a divorce but she is not willing to even talk about it.
When I was out of town, she has told my son about he intended divorce (but not about the other guy)...she said that we did not get along together and were incompatible. ( I admit our marriage has not been an ideal one but i am willing to make up she is not willing to talk about it)
SHOULD I tell my son everything I know about the other man? I have 2 clear intentions:
1. Want to save the marriage. (I feel sick just dragging my son into this and trying to "use" him in forcing her not to take the step...but this might be the only way to save it)
2. If I cannot save it, I want my son to know the truth and I dont want him to live with them. I am not sure how he will take it.
My questions again:
1. Should I tell my son everything?
2. What are the chances (legally) of him living solely with me ( if he agrees)..CALL me old fashioned..but I dont want him to grow up in a 3rd person environment
I am depressed and am thinking of leaving my job just to attend to this....any advice/help/suggestions/experiences PLEASE!!.
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matart1
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while what your wife has done to you may be considered dirty - stooping down to her level is not in the best interest of your son.
I'm torn here though because she has no right to be filling his heads with lies to ease her conscience.
I don't see how telling your son the details is going to save your marriage. it may ease your hurt but it will also cause a lot of pain to a child who is probably already having a hard time dealing with what has been given to him.
is there anyway you can seek counseling for you and your son together. maybe that may help you heal.
it is possible for you to have custody if you request it.
please think long and hard about the long term affect telling your son everything.
good luck to you.
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Life is a long lesson in humility.
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gm4
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Thanks matart1
One reason I thought of telling my son was hoping that if he understood the reality and that might force my wife to avoid taking such a step (she might not want to be seen in that light by her son...so she might give up the affair and save the marriage).
Though he is only 13, I believe he understands right from wrong and hopefully my wife will at least "listen" to him
I want to avoid involving him in the pains but if she proceeds with the div, he wil be pained anyway. My conscience will haunt me forever if I let it happen with him being led to believe that we were incomptible, etc
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priceonthemile
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I agree you were done wrong. If you are still trying to save your marriage you absolutely shouldn't tell your child. However if it comes to the point that you are certain you will be divorced im a [censored] believer the you should give the kids the information and let them make their judgments. When you break the news you should try to do it with some dignity and consideration. Remember you are referring to their mother. Good Luck
Edited by priceonthemile (02/04/09 06:45 PM)
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Debi
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There is always a chance you could have primary placement. You are not going to keep him from spending some of his time with her. You can ask for a "no overnight guests of the opposite sex" clause to keep that from happening unless they marry eventually. Telling him could backfire on you as I'm certain she would use it in court to show that you don't have your son's best interest at heart. That won't win you custody.
I think telling your child the details is a horrible idea. You will be putting a lot on his shoulders that he doesn't need to be involved in. 13yo's aren't grown-ups and teens have enough to deal with of their own without being privy to their parents problems. I have children in his age range and the thought of sharing something that adult with them is unfathomable to me.
I certainly understand your hurt but the fact is she doesn't want to be married to you anymore. You can't force it and why would you want to? I wouldn't want to continue to be married to someone who didn't want to be married to me. One person can't save a marriage and telling your son that his mother is having an affair certainly isn't going to bring her back. You are certainly entittled to your vengeful fantasies. Most of us have had them, but it's just not a good idea to actually DO it.
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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finz
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Debi said everything that I wanted to say !
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gm4
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Thanks Debi, What is primary placement?
Yesterday she took our son out alone and told him again that she was separating from me. She indicated that to him that he could "choose" to live wherever and he told her that he wanted us all together but she wouldnt listen. I tried to reason with her too in vain. ( I was amazed and dismayed....)
I havent't told my son in any detail, but I dont want to lose him and want to bring him up on my own and not in a fatherless environment (or even a step father environment).
But I also dont want him to face the tug-of war trauma of his parents (us) . I am just afraid sick that he will innocently go and live with her/them and I will gradually lose him... Just dont want to let that happen..
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gm4
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AND also: IF she plans to move out and live seprately right away and takes my son with her....what recourses legal/other steps can I take so he cant be away from me?
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Debi
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Until one of you files for divorce, seperation or temp custody she has every right to take him as do you. You are both presumed to have custody at this point.
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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Debi
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Primary placement is where he spends most of his time living. Very few states have sole legal custody anymore, unless one parent is proven unfit. In the courts eyes (unless you live in a bible belt state) her having an affair doesn't make her an unfit parent. More than likely joint legal custody is in order. That means you will both have a say in major medical, educational and religious decisions. Generally the child lives with one parent most of the time and "visits" the other. There is no way based on what you've said that you will keep her from having some parenting time with him. Every other weekend at minimum. You won't be able to keep him from living at the very least part time in a step parent environment. You can have the no over night guests clause added but that becomes void if she marries. It is considered acceptable to remarry if you wish when divorced.
I don't want to be incredibly negative but you are headed for a divorce from what you've posted here. You can't stop it. You can prolong it if you fight it but that isn't going to do anyone any good and in the end and tens of thousands of dollars later the end result will be the same. It sounds as if she has made up her mind.
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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bjaks
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If she wants to seperate make HER move our and insist for your son he stays in the home with YOU! Don't leave and don't let her take him out of the house. You should though inform him the very basics of what's going on. Mom met a man and decided to move out with him, it's not ok what she's doing, we still love you. No details, he still loves his mom as much as he loves you. Do evertyhting possible with and for him to show your are being the provider. I'm sorry but boys usually should be with their dads unless those dads aren't a good influence, they need to learn things from their dad a mom can never teach them!
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childrenfirst
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Wow bjaks, you sound very bitter. It is absolutely NOT true that boys should usually be with their dads! How sexist can you be here? Fathers aren't always the best person to raise children no matter what their sex! Same goes for Mothers! No matter what their sex, children should be raised by the parent or joint parenting that is in their best interest - male or female!! Boys also need to learn things from their mom that a dad can never teach them as well! We do the best we can in the best interest of our precious children!
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bjaks
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Whoa Nellie! Not bitter at all
"My wife now wants a divorce (and I know it is because of some other guy...i have covertly discovered). I dont want a divorce but she is not willing to even talk about it."
This is why THIS boy should stay with D. He has his head on straighter than the other parent right now. That is in the best interest of the child right now. I wouldn't want my spouse who was out galavanting around, bringing new overnighters in front of my children, would you? She is in her own world at the moment. No sexism here, the parent who is wanting what is best for their child is the better parent, clearly from the post, she isn't filling that role at the moment. You go dad and get your boy!
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Redlegg
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"My wife now wants a divorce (and I know it is because of some other guy...i have covertly discovered). I dont want a divorce but she is not willing to even talk about it."
I am just not sure a parent should speak so poorly about a child's mother, and add in the judgement factor. That may be borderline PAS, even if it is the truth. And a custody arrangement based on one statement, well that is jumping the gun at best. This did not hapen in a vacuum. What else was going on. There can be alot of things going on without giving blame, but one statement is just the beginning.
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bjaks
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Mom met a man and decided to move out with him, it's not ok what she's doing, we still love you. No details, he still loves his mom as much as he loves you.
I would rather be very brief as possible and state the facts. I would hate for my child to see the other parent hanging on somebody or talking in secret with them and have them be so much more confused. If it is true, you would have to morally as their parent judge the other. Raising your kids showing right from wrong: adultery is not ok, it's wrong. But this is all assuming what they posted it factual.
My sister and law said the same comment of it didn't happen in a vaccum about my SS getting arrested for drugs, can you explain it to me? Blindly it didn't happen but the vortex being sucked up is what I picture.
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Redlegg
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That is the thing, just because you can tell the truth, it doesn't mean you have to tell every sordid detail, especially when it is designed to hurt, and this particular truth is. It could have been left at Mom and Dad are not getting along, but this particular truth paints someone in a bad light, coincidentally your husband's ex. when I say it doesn't happen in a vacuum, that only means there is not one defineable issue that broke this marriage. It may have been the truth of Dad doesn't spend enough time with mom, so she had to find a good man who would. But when you cherry pick one event and blame the whole thing on her, he walks away smellinng so much cleaner than he is. I am not condoning adultery, never have never will, but I will say a little compassion doesn't mean a lie, and omission for protection doesn't mean your lying either. Would you hate for your child to be hearing negative things about you, even if they are true, and especially from the other parent. Yes, you would judge, nothing wrong with that, but you do not have to pronounce that judgement to a child. All the truth telling in the world is not going to stop the whispering. Trust me, you can show your children right from wrong without using the other parent as an example. I see this as the magnifying glass of divorce. Little things become big things, and we have to let people know the big things.
Baring her sins to her son, is not the best way to go. What she did was wrong. But she is not example you HAVE to use to teach right from wrong, and to teach morals.
A divorce is between a husband and wife, leave it that way. When it is said and done, usually there will be some pride swallowing in order to co parent in a good way. It is not easy, but the best interests of the child should count for something.
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bjaks
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"You should though inform him the very basics of what's going on. Mom met a man and decided to move out with him, it's not ok what she's doing, we still love you. No details, he still loves his mom as much as he loves you."
Oh for the love of Batman...Where is the details in this? Take out the words Mom met a man, keep the she is going to move out with him/her/it whatever. Truth in love, it's truth with love. Someone no matter what is going to look bad. But, I still state, if all this is true, boy stays with dad in home. Mom chose differently and now dad will be there for the boy. Reasons why the split as you said, they shouldn't matter. I'm not blaming the whole event on her, he asked for opinions I gave him my bellybutton.
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Redlegg
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The details is in making Mom out to look bad. You not having a problem with that says alot. Regardless of what happens, that should be information for a judge to make a decision, not something a child needs to hear about his mom. especially from his dad. There is absolutely no reason for the boy to hear that, and teachign right from wrong is not a good one, because there are too many other examples out there. Leave the child out of it.
Or do you still believe that dad should tell his child that mom met a man and wants to move out and she is wrong for doing that????
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finz
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What specific things....."they need to learn things from their dad a mom can never teach them! " are you referring to ?
What happens to boys whose fathers have passed away ?
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bjaks
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Hmmm...well let's see, a grandfather, a family member, chuch member, hopefully if she remarries a good influence.
Certain things, unless your she man, a father can teach, same with the mom
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bjaks
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Before red jumps down my throat, tools, shop talk, cars, how to take care and treat a lady (yes assuming he is a good guy) unless your both as I think Kim was said to be. You need both aspects.
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finz
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Metal shop, wood shop, auto shop. I have 2 brothers. One learned all of those things from my dad......and he uses many of those skills at his blue collar state job. The other was never into those things.......always focused on sports instead. Now he has a white collar job with a great salary. He pays other people to do his chores
I can assure you, I know more about how a lady would like to be treated than my husband could ever know.
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bjaks
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And the womans hand in all that??? My point proven, boys need their daddy's.
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finz
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The point being a boy can learn those things in school in shop classes.......and that knowledge of how to fix a transmission is not what makes a man.
We are still waiting to hear what knowledge only a father could impart.
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bjaks
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Yep, i'm glad that same shop teacher is going to be with boys for all those years, he really is going to think of him as dad, did I say anything about a transmission? Fathers have a connection with their sons, same as a mom. Is that shop teacher going to really care and give him all his attention and knowledge? Nope he has his own family and 30 other students to worry about. Dad's (for the general) care totally about their children. Man to son talks, family history from him, learning how to become a man!
You must be the one who is trying hard to keep your child away from dad because he's a bad guy. Sorry that sucks, but there still are things you will never teach your son. There are things I can never teach our DD's, only he can. Why waste their connection with him? Sad. All in all, children love both parents, even if the other doesn't, they both have qualitites to share.
So since you know how a woman likes to be treated more than your husband would ever know, why don't you tell him all your secrets?
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Redlegg
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Or do you still believe that dad should tell his child that mom met a man and wants to move out and she is wrong for doing that????
You really won't answer a question will you, and as far as jumping down your throat, that is just not true, the only thing I have done is ask you a couple of questions, and you refuse to answer them. Is it that you do not know the answers or you just don't like them.
All in all, children love both parents, even if the other doesn't, they both have qualitites to share.
Another good reason to not bad mouth the other parent, don't you think??? Don't worry, I have come to not expect an answer. And it seems you do not have too much to ask me either. After you so crudely accused me of cheating in my marriage.
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finz
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Quote:
Yep, i'm glad that same shop teacher is going to be with boys for all those years, he really is going to think of him as dad, did I say anything about a transmission?
You must be the one who is trying hard to keep your child away from dad because he's a bad guy. Sorry that sucks, but there still are things you will never teach your son. There are things I can never teach our DD's, only he can. Why waste their connection with him? Sad. All in all, children love both parents, even if the other doesn't, they both have qualitites to share.
So since you know how a woman likes to be treated more than your husband would ever know, why don't you tell him all your secrets?
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Ummm........you didn't specifically say transmission, you said car...right here "Before red jumps down my throat, tools, shop talk, cars, how to take care and treat a lady ."
No one needs to have a 30 year relationship with someone to learn about cars.
Cars was one of your answers to what it was that ONLY a father could teach to reinforce your point that OP's boy needs a dad , not a mom, because there are some things only a man can teach.
I have just explained..again....why a boy does not need a dad to teach him about cars, shop, and how to treat a lady. So again, I ask you......why is it more important for a boy to be taught by his father ?
A child needs both parents, if they are around to be involved....you were the one to point out that a boy can only be taught somethings by his dad. I know several lesbian couples. Their kids (including boys) love both their parents.....which is both their moms, no dads involved and the kids are doing just fine.
Regarding your other comments.....you could not be more wrong. I am married....my boys are home with their dad everyday after school/work. I have no desire to keep my kids away from their dad. They love each other. My husband is a very private person and is reserved even with his kids. The only thing I can really see that they have ever learned from him is how to go to work each day, come home and sit in the study playing on the computer, eat supper, play on computer again, and go to bed. He does drive them to some activities. He has never had a heart to heart with them about anything. Never joined family game night, etc Never taught them how to play ball or worked with them on schoolwork........just yells at them to do better because they are "doing it wrong."
I have talked to my husband to explain what I want in a relationship and in the bedroom. He has not followed my suggestions. Oh well
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bjaks
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OK! The world's longest post just for my friend Red.
Let’s break my answers, shall we? 1 by 1 from the top again folks, ready?
“If she wants to separate make HER move out and insist for your son he stays in the home with YOU! “
Because she is wanting out of her marriage and to break up the family.
“Don't leave and don't let her take him out of the house.”
Why should he leave, he doesn’t want out of the marriage.
“You should though inform him the very basics of what's going on.”
Why on earth would you want someone else, friend, family member, whoever, accidentally and you know it will happen, spill the beans on mom, about mom, anything mom? A bitter parent isn’t going to withhold saying anything while they go and wait forever for a judge…reality check.
And what happens when little Johnny sees mom with Joe Blow, and not having a clue about…“I thought mom and dad were just having problems, but who is staying the night with mom now? She’s still married to my dad…I’m confused!!!”
I would rather tell him this
“Mom met a man and decided to move out with him, it's not ok what she's doing, we still love you.” And get him into so counseling:
Rather than lie out my butt telling him
“ Johnny, mom and I aren’t going to be married anymore son, we are getting a divorce. < But dad, is it something I did?> No son, we just have differences and can’t see eye to eye any longer, but we still love you son. <Dad, how come mom is living with another man and you are still married to mom?> Well Johnny, you see I can’t judge your mom for what choices she is making, let’s not talk about this and talk about sports! Yeah son, hey let’s go to the ball game tonight! <Sure dad! I’m not suffering no knowing anything strange about my new living arrangements and knowing nothing about them either, you both are swell parents and mom’s new boyfriend Chuck sure is swell! Thanks for the talk dad, I love you!> And I love you, your mom loves you, and so does your mom, my wife and Chuck’s girlfiend love you too!”
Change the phrase to whatever you like Red, there isn’t in depth detail. THIS PARTICULAR situation, involves some morals would you agree? So dad doesn’t say anything, nobody does and Johnny boy sees all mom is doing and grows up and later does the same thing, valuable teaching lesson Pbbt! Down the drain and more undesirable chaos in the world of marriage.
Ok next,
“No details, he still loves his mom as much as he loves you.”
Just some advice, don’t get nasty about what’s happening with the split tell the poor kid they both love him. What are you going to tell Johnny boy? Mom’s out of here! Sorry bud, can’t tell you why!!!!
“Do everything possible with and for him to show your are being the provider.” If mom’s out doing the naughty, she ain’t providing to the best of her ability to Johnny as a mom, maybe as Chuck’s naughty girlfriend.
“I'm sorry but boys usually should be with their dads unless those dads aren't a good influence, they need to learn things from their dad a mom can never teach them!”
If a father doesn’t have anything to teach their sons, what’s the point of them being around? Then they should all go invitro like the Oct mom.
“Whoa Nellie! Not bitter at all”
I’m not! I love my husband, my stepson, and our daughters! His X girlfriend and her husband really lack desirable qualities, they receive child support from 2 different dads and 1 mom, and no they don’t have the great parenting skills they are very good at lies and manipulation.
"My wife now wants a divorce (and I know it is because of some other guy...I have covertly discovered). I don’t want a divorce but she is not willing to even talk about it."
It’s important information directly pertaining to his household and his little Johnny boy.
How he got it, I don’t give a hoot, but this PARTICULAR situation is imperative to them and will affect them.
“This is why THIS boy should stay with D. He has his head on straighter than the other parent right now.”
Yes, in this situation, mom wants to play slip and slide with Chuck, dad is the one who is going to be most likely hanging out with their son while mom is of playing the piper around town.
“That is in the best interest of the child right now.”
A new relationship is going to take time away from focusing on your child.
“I wouldn't want my spouse who was out gallivanting around, bringing new overnighters in front of my children, would you? She is in her own world at the moment. No sexism here, the parent who wants what is best for their child is the better parent, clearly from the post, she isn't filling that role at the moment. You go dad and get your boy!”
If the mom wanted what was best for their child she would be at home and trying some counseling or whatever else they can dream up.
“Mom met a man and decided to move out with him, it's not ok what she's doing, we still love you. No details, he still loves his mom as much as he loves you.”
I still stand by there is no in depth details and don’t want Johnny accidentally hearing talk of the town.
“I would rather be very brief as possible and state the facts. I would hate for my child to see the other parent hanging on somebody or talking in secret with them and have them be so much more confused.”
I have already stated my reasons above, um, a few times I think.
“If it is true, you would have to morally as their parent judge the other.”
Again, already stated, Johnny is going to come to some conclusions you have to talk with him or the counselor is going to have to, but someone will, people don’t unfortunately keep their secrets to their selves.
“Raising your kids showing right from wrong: adultery is not ok, it's wrong.”
You can explain it about Marylou and Barney down the street as an example. If not mom, but you know as well as I do Johnny is going to find out…but from YOU or the kids at school………!
“But this is all assuming what they posted is factual.”
He isn’t calling mom anything bad, just letting the boy know before others slip up, or see mom and Chuck smooching away instead of paying attention to Johnny waiting months before their divorce is done.
“My sister in law said the same comment of it didn't happen in a vacuum about my SS getting arrested for drugs, can you explain it to me? Blindly it didn't happen but the vortex being sucked up is what I picture.”
Someone answered, thank you again.
"You should though inform him the very basics of what's going on. Mom met a man and decided to move out with him, it's not ok what she's doing, we still love you. No details, he still loves his mom as much as he loves you."
Like I already stated, phrase it as you will, I that is I feel he needs to say something before anyone else spills it, it’s the world of can’t keep anything a secret.
“Oh for the love of Batman...Where is the details in this? Take out the words Mom met a man, keep the she is going to move out with him/her/it whatever.”
I think I just went over this for the umph-teenth time Red.
“Truth in love, its truth with love.”
That clearly states what it says.
“Someone no matter what is going to look bad.”
Yes it’s sad, but you can’t hide the fact from Johnny, I would love to hear of a few cases that the children, of course not little ones who don’t understand much of anything yet, where this has been done secretly and successfully with out the children and family members knowing and talking.
“But, I still state, if all this is true; boy stays with dad in home. Mom chose differently and now dad will be there for the boy.”
Mom’s playing with the new fire toy.
“Reasons why the split as you said, they shouldn't matter.”
You’re absolutely right, they SHOULDN”T matter, but they will always surface and make their debuted.
“I’m not blaming the whole event on her,”
I’m not, I’m sure he was busy checking out [censored] on the internet or flirting with the gas and sip clerk. Something, it takes two to do the dumb dance with.
“He asked for opinions I gave him my bellybutton.”
I was going to say the phrase, “Opinions are like @zz holes…everyone’s got one”
But I assumed you would have then called me one.
“Hmmm...Well let's see, a grandfather, a family member, church member”
Yes, those are a good start, but no it’s not the biofather, only assuming that he is of good measure.
“Hopefully if she remarries a good influence.”
Why not stay single until the kids are out of the house, then you could devote all your time and attention on the kiddos? There starts another topic though.
“Certain things, unless your she man”
I learned skills from my dad, I’m a woman yes, but I leave those manly skills for my DH to teach his son and our daughters, what’s the sense in having him around if he has nothing to offer in their growing up?
“A father can teach”
Just answered that one
“Same with the mom”
Just different things to teach them,
“Before red jumps down my throat”
You already answered that one
“Tools, shop talk, cars,”
Again, why bother having a dad around when mom takes over everything in the rearing of children
“How to take care and treat a lady”
If women know so much, about treating women so good, why aren’t there more lesbian relationships, because a boy needs to learn certain qualities from a dad. Besides if a man knew everything about taking care of a lady, the relationship would be so boring.
“(Yes assuming he is a good guy)”
A lot are.
“Unless you’re both as I think Kim was said to be.”
Ewwww
“You need both aspects”
We don’t need more feminine men out there because they only learned feminine skills; we need to have manly loving men
“And the woman’s hand in all that???”
All she talked about was other men that wouldn’t be constant supporters in their life, for a year, sure you can learn a skill from someone, and most of us learned so much valuable everyday skills from whom? Dad
“My point proven, boys need their daddy's.”
I’m saying daddy’s, mom’s are there too, but I’m shooting and rooting for dad’s that get unrightly shoved out of boy’s lives because of separation or divorce. It happens all way to much
“Yep, I’m glad that same shop teacher is going to be with boys for all those years, he really is going to think of him as dad”
Come on now
“Did I say anything about a transmission?”
Nope and how is a boy going to connect with the good ol’ story from the shop teacher when it’s not his relation? It won’t
“Fathers have a connection with their sons”
So I’ve said
“Same as a mom.”
And again, it’s stated
“Is that shop teacher going to really care and give him all his
Attention and knowledge? Nope he has his own family and 30 other students to worry about.”
He won’t be there to talk to Jr. when he needs him in the middle of the night
“Dad's (for the general) care totally about their children.”
That’s for sure
“Man to son talks,”
I love hearing women try to fill this area, hilarious!
“Family history from him”
Something from a dad’s point of view that makes them look up to dad and say “That was cool!”
“Learning how to become a man!”
An answer in its self Yeah 1 for 1!
“You must be the one who is trying hard to keep your child away from dad because he's a bad guy.”
She sounds like the bitter divorced mom
“Sorry that sucks,”
I do feel bad…for the kids and their dad, the relationship you know that is going to be hindered by her
“But there still are things you will never teach your son.”
That is a fact, no questions about it!
“There are things I can never teach our DD's, only he can.”
He has opened up a whole world for them of things we never did in our family growing up, they have a BOND with him I would have never introduced or even imagined
“Why waste their connection with him? Sad.”
Never answered question, but it’s a sad fact for so many kids
“All in all, children love both parents”
Yes they do
“Even if the other doesn't”
Um that’s why they are splitting I’m guessing
“They both have qualities to share”
Yes, again I state the same
“So since you know how a woman likes to be treated more than your husband would ever know, why don't you tell him all your secrets?”
Again never answered
Ok, done on this once and for all. Let’s tackle another issue.
And lastly, I know I said somewhere ( couldn't find it though) I said about cheating~it wan't trying to be crude, do you always take everything so personal? Lighten up brother!
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bjaks
member
Reged: 02/17/09
Posts: 167
Loc: Somewhere on a farm
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See your'e bitter at HIM. Sounds like you two need the heart to heart!
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Redlegg
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26804
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And as usual your long winded post did not address the issue brought forth to you, which were actually very simple.
1. Why do you have a double standard when it comes to judging, why is it good for one, and so bad for another?
2. Why would you want to badmouth a child's mother, to that child, when there is no need to???
I have never said do not teach a child morals, and I have never siad you should or should not judge someone, you should just be consistent.
You can repeat the scenario over and over, but these are really basic, simple questions and they deserve to be answered. If you will not answer the questions, then don't, but say you won't do not retype a long post to just not answer them.
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bjaks
member
Reged: 02/17/09
Posts: 167
Loc: Somewhere on a farm
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Um...already did that answer on another post. Check it out.
It's not badmouthing.
Ok, again done! 
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Redlegg
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26804
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When you talk negatively about someone, whether it is true or not, it is bad mouthing. When you do it about the other parent it is wrong.
You never explained why you have a double standard or even why having a double standard is ok.
You let the mother handle those questions, that is her business. You do not hide behind morality in order to negatively paint the picture.
No amount of I love yous will undo the damage. You allude to me cheating, and then act like it is no big deal. Your character is showing.
It is obvious why you are done. but if you are done, then be done.
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bjaks
member
Reged: 02/17/09
Posts: 167
Loc: Somewhere on a farm
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((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS!!!)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
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Redlegg
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26804
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I expected no less, you do not disappoint. Exactly as written.
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shortmarriage
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 12/07/08
Posts: 1773
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;-)
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6497
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Quote:
See your'e bitter at HIM. Sounds like you two need the heart to heart!
No, I'm not bitter at all. I was bitter when I thought he did and said rude things intentionally. Now I realize that he can't give what he does not have
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6497
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And we are all still waiting to hear what only a father can teach his son.
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bjaks
member
Reged: 02/17/09
Posts: 167
Loc: Somewhere on a farm
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sorry you have such a bad experience, most the dad's in the world have good qualities and those good dad's know, and if you read you will see some examples.
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6497
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Still not answering the question, huh ?
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johnson27
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 07/31/08
Posts: 2435
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Quote:
If she wants to seperate make HER move our and insist for your son he stays in the home with YOU! Don't leave and don't let her take him out of the house. You should though inform him the very basics of what's going on. Mom met a man and decided to move out with him, it's not ok what she's doing, we still love you. No details, he still loves his mom as much as he loves you. Do evertyhting possible with and for him to show your are being the provider. I'm sorry but boys usually should be with their dads unless those dads aren't a good influence, they need to learn things from their dad a mom can never teach them!
--------> I don't agree with him telling child about mom's behavior. Two people can look at the exact same situation and perceive it in two totally different ways. That's why there is usually more than one side of a story or more than one truth. So you have dad the way he perceives what happened and he relays this to child, then you have mom who perceives it in a different manner and relays that way to the child. You end up with two different stories, the child picks one in his mind that he feels is correct and then resents the other parent. Or either doesn't pick either story as being the right one and feels like he's stuck in the middle of a battle.
You state that there are things that a Mom can NEVER teach a child that a Dad can......can you be more specific? What things can a Dad teach that a Mom can't?
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Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.
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steve23
newbie
Reged: 03/05/09
Posts: 28
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www.glorisphere.com
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Maury
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 8148
Loc: This Asylum --->
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Junk
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6497
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Quote:
You state that there are things that a Mom can NEVER teach a child that a Dad can......can you be more specific? What things can a Dad teach that a Mom can't?
******************************************
After making such a brash statement, bjaks seems to have made herself unavailable for comment
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