helpforfreedom
recently joined
Reged: 03/19/09
Posts: 12
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This is my situation. I have been married 30 yrs. STBX worked 25 years and took an early retirement (at52). Never discussed retiring with me, nor even told me after the retirement. I have worked on and off throughout the marriage. We have 2 grown kids. STBX is now collecting a pension and I am forced to work full time in order to keep up with mortgage and bills. I filed for divorce 2 months after STBX retired. I am entitled to half the pension as we were married the whole time STBX was paying into the pension. Problem is, now that I am working full time, I am being asked to pay spousal support. STBX retired as a full time employee, no restrictions. Now STBX is claiming to be disabled. STBX did have 2 neck surgeries for herniated disks but had been released back to work, no restrictions. STBX's retirement was totally voluntary and never filed for disability. Is it possible that I will have to work full time, while STBX sits at home, and I will have to pay half my salary to STBX? This was the recommendation from the judge at a pretrial. I am in an equitable, no fault state. Any opinions?
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PhoenixRising
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/05/07
Posts: 3681
Loc: New York
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Half of your salary sounds a little high but you need to realize that spousal support is at the sole discretion of the judge.
You could find yourself a REALLY good attorney and pay thousands to fight this. However, my experience is that judges final orders tend to reflect their initial inclinations.
If the only reason you were seeking a divorce was to get out of paying the mortgage; and if you are going to have to pay it anyway; perhaps you should re-think the divorce.
Otherwise, it might behoove you to settle out-of-court w/ your stbx.
I have a good friend in California that is in the same position; she is going to have to stay married until she can retire. It might not be "fair" but it is the hand that you have been dealt.
Did you not consult an attorney before you started this process?
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Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. --Plato
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helpforfreedom
recently joined
Reged: 03/19/09
Posts: 12
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I am divorcing him because he is a gambler, alcoholic and has forever hidden money and debt from me. Not at all a team player, just now learning how much I didn't know. I can't believe he can voluntarily quit working and I am expected to give him maintenance? So because I do not want to live at poverty level, (on half the pension), and choose to work, I will be punished? I can't understand this system. He is a loafer and planning on working the system. Is there anything I can do? I want to buy him out of the house and keep working, but if I have to support him also, I will lose everything. There is no coming to an agreement with STBX. He did not want the divorce and will be happy to see me lose everything. I did discuss this with an attorney, but at the time, I was working part time and have since gotten a better job. I had no idea that working would be detrimental to me.
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6453
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He's taking his turn at working on and off
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PhoenixRising
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/05/07
Posts: 3681
Loc: New York
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"Is there anything I can do?"
It is the way the current system is set up. My gf in California is 15yrs younger than her husband. He chose early retirement. She is the major breadearner. Whether she divorces him or not; she is now stuck w/ supporting him for the next 20yrs - 25yrs.
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Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. --Plato
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helpforfreedom
recently joined
Reged: 03/19/09
Posts: 12
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That's the thing. He was the breadwinner. I worked most of the marriage but never made as much money as he did. He retired and cut his income in half. I had lost my job and was working for cash money at the time, until I found a good job. If I had not worked, we would have lost our house and not been able to pay bills. I can't believe the horror stories I am hearing about divorce. None of this makes any sense at all. All I am asking for is half the pension and to buy him out of the house. He keeps his bills and I keep mine. I was pretty much told from the beginning that half the assets, (pension & equity) are what I am entitled to. I don't understand why I have to fight for everything that is rightfully mine. Maintenance should not even be a factor. He chooses to stay home and live on the pension. I choose to work. Why that equates to paying him maintenance is beyond me. I would hope I will not have to pay for the next 20 yrs like your friend. I still can't give up hope that this won't happen. We are going to prove dissipation and maybe the judge will start looking at it differently. I pray.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30195
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...if you are entitled to half HIS income, why wouldn't he be entitled to SOME of YOUR income? Doesn't that seem kinda one sided?
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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helpforfreedom
recently joined
Reged: 03/19/09
Posts: 12
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I don't think it is one sided at all. He is living off of the money put away during the marriage for retirement. That is a marital assest that is supposed to be split equally/equitably, not his income. I did not have the luxury of having a career and saving a pension. I had to work off hours around his job, raise 2 kids and take care of the house. I did have one job for 6 years and had a pension started, but the company was sold and I lost my job. My STBX made me take the money out of the IRA to help pay bills while I was looking for another job. So now, after 30 years of working any job I could, he lives off the money put away for OUR retirement and I continue to work full time and pay him maintenance. I'm sorry, I just don't see that as fair. It does seem however, like the courts are going to agree with you.
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helpforfreedom
recently joined
Reged: 03/19/09
Posts: 12
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Well the latest update is that he went to a doctor, shows a herniated disk in his neck and doctor is saying he can't work. Not sure if this is permanent, just heard the bragging from STBX, reminding me, this is what I wanted and I will end up with nothing and I will have to support him. Am I really destined to pay him maintenance? If he is showing a disability, will I have to pay till one of us dies? This divorce has been going on for 18 months and this is the first time he has gone to a doctor about any disability. Anyone have any suggestions, or is this considered fair and is inevitable? Please can anyone offer any hope at all? Will I ever be able to free myself from this parasite?
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PhoenixRising
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/05/07
Posts: 3681
Loc: New York
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Your judge has already let you know which way he is leaning on the spousal support issue and that was before it turned out that your stbx is no longer voluntarily unemployed; he is disabled from a condition that occurred before the divorce (he had 2 previous neck surgeries).
It comes down to who is going to support him? Your state is broke. Your elected officials passed laws which make you responsible for him.
With a REALLY good (meaning expensive) lawyer could you fight this and win. Yeah, if your judge was having a good hair day, maybe.
My divorce cost $250k. We didn't have that kind of money. We will be paying off attorneys for the rest of our lives.
My Ex was the kind of person that would rather give twice as much to the lawyers if there was a chance he wouldn't have to give anything to me. He lost on all counts.
You might want to seriously think of coming to some sort of compromise with your stbx.
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Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. --Plato
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