Dolfinity
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Reged: 08/19/08
Posts: 350
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Hello...
I am the custodial parent of our DS, age 5 with special needs (autism), living in the states. Ex is stationed at Ramstein. We have a mediated visitation agreement that DS will spend 7 weeks with ex in Germany this summer.
Today, ex asked me to send a notarized statement saying that DS will live with him for 6 months out of the year in order for our son to be command sponsored, even though it is not true. I have 100% physical custody. If I don't do this, they say he cannot attend day care or receive health care services while he is there, even though he has a military ID card.
Is this correct? I'm not sure how to respond to this, because if I refuse, this could mean that either our son does not receive EFMP services or on-base day care while he is there, or that he just doesn't go, which is a scenario i would like to avoid.
I don't believe it is right to falsify documents. Has anyone else run into a command sponsorship problem like this?
Thanks.
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~ Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. ~
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Redlegg
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Reged: 10/05/06
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This sounds right, generally only command sponsored dependents are authorized to use certain things because of the space available. It use to be the same way with ration cards, only command sponsored personnel got them, same with housing, etc. I am willing to bet there is an exception allowed for just this circumstance. Command sponsored means a whole lot more than just some facilities though. I do believe it could mean he may not be eligible for EFMP or day care. It can vary by command and location, so without talking to someone there, it would be difficult to say exactly. You could email over there to find out exactly what is needed, or how it works, and then you will have some answers. I would try to find out before I just sent a letter granting custody.
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elliesmom
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Yes, it is an issue. The military only recognizes children who live with you 6 months or more as a "member of your household." And only "household members" qualify for certain programs - such as daycare (as I believe this is an MWR sponsored thing and I know they limit themselves to household members).
Perhaps you can look at it this way. Since he presumably provides spport for your child - he in a way is partially providing your home to him. Ergo - he resides with him for at least 6 months of the year. You aren't giving him custody per se - just the government making sure that the child being served by their programs is truly a member of the household of the military.
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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Redlegg
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This is about an overseas Command Sponsored dependant. Command sponsorship is unique to overseas commands. Generally a command sponsorship incurs a longer tour in certain locations. That is the trade off, you bring the family, you stay longer. Years ago in certain parts of europe, if you had a family, you could bring them if you stayed three years, if you went unaccompanied you only had to stay 18 months. It was also used to determine if people were evern allowed to use the AFFES facilities or commissary. If you were not command sponsored you could not have military housing. In fact if you were not command sponsored, you could bring your family, but they may not be allowed to use any of the facilities, and you may only get the BAH for somewhere in the states. Things change over time. One thing about the 6 months though. It is required anywhere in order to get housing. If a service member does not have custody for the majority of the year, they are not authorized housing. even if they have a child, and have custody, the child has to spend the majority of the year with that parent in order to have housing. I know alot has changed, but there were two different classes of family members, those that were command sponsored and those that were not. The priorty for things went to command sponsored family members, and then other family members on a space available basis.
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Redlegg
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Here is how tricare handles it:
http://www.tricare.mil/news/news.aspx?fid=220
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Miranda
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When I would go on leave, I would have to be careful not to stay longer than a certain amount of time, which I think was 30 days, or we would all lose command sponsorship. Totally lame...
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13.1...because I am only half crazy!
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Redlegg
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And you know even if you were not obvious about it, someone would ask questions, just to "help" out :):)
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elliesmom
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DH was tellng me last night that they've also change the FSA. You have to be separated from your family for 30 days before you start drawing it - and every time you go on leave or take special liberty you lose it and the 30 days starts over again. They just did a change of homeport and half of the guys don't qualify to move and of course try to get home every now and then. Not anymore. The fam has to travel to see you or no FSA.
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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Redlegg
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Thats how it always was for us, it was never put in before 30 days because it prevented corrections from being made. But while on a permanent assignment in a hardship area, you got it no matter what, if you were on leave, or pass.
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elliesmom
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The 30 days isn't new, but the reset every time you go on leave is what is new. Which for the guys here, who aren't TOO far away and can get home on a 3-day weekend, means they either don't get the money or they pay for their families to travel.
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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Redlegg
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Just sounds wrong if they are not on leave
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Dolfinity
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Reged: 08/19/08
Posts: 350
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Hi Everyone,
Thank you for the input. Yes, we are having the same issue with the Tricare coverage as with the base sponsorhip. DS is on Tricare now, including EFMP/ECHO. However, without "proof" that DS lives with ex 6 months a year, DS cannot enroll in onbase daycare, and cannot enroll in Tricare Prime, which means space available healthcare, unless there is an emergency (even with EFMP/ECHO).
So... I either sign this false statement, notarizing it as true; or hope that in the 7 weeks DS is overseas, he has no healthcare issues.
There is an American daycare off base. So there is a workaround for the daycare issue. And ex/wife already have housing, with a room for DS. They opted for off-base housing.
I just think that bending the rules will come back to bite us later. I'd rather not write the statement.
Still trying to gather as many facts about the situation as possible.
Thanks again,
Dolfinity
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~ Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. ~
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Redlegg
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Is the only issue Tri-care???????? This whole thing does not sound right..... Getting a child Command sponsored in order to use certain facilities overseas sounds right, but not like this......
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elliesmom
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Like I said - perhaps consider the purpose and meaning of the statement. Since he is in the military - I assume you regularly receive CS that you can count on for your child. That is - its not spotty, you never know when a check will show up type of payment but every single month the same amount on time.
To me - that means he helps provide part of your home too in addition to the residence he maintains. So in a way - he does reside in his (partial) home for more than 6+ months of the year.
While it is possible that it could come back to haunt HIM if the military learns of the details of the situation and disagrees with his interpretation I cannot see this ever being a problem for you. My husbands ex managed to fraudulently obtain a new ID and be put back into DEERS and use Tricare for herself after their divorce. They didn't do a darn thing to her. The moron who "fixed" DEERS for her was court martialed, but for her nothing happened. Didn't even have to pay back any of the money for her medical care.
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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Redlegg
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No there is something else there, this is not a case of 6 months. He is not telling her everything.
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Redlegg
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http://www.435thservices.com/New%20435th%20site/Images/435%20Folder/435thHome/ChildCare.htm
Contact them directly and ask about the whole thing.
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Miranda
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[quote]No there is something else there, this is not a case of 6 months. He is not telling her everything. [/quote]
Or she is not understanding everything.
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13.1...because I am only half crazy!
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elliesmom
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If he's not remarried it may be a housing issue as well. He cannot get family housing without a dependant who lives with him. He can't very well visit his child in the bachelor barracks. Same thing if it is an MWR program - no dice if you aren't in the household. Not sure about the EFMP. It may very well also be exclusive for the "household."
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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Redlegg
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An ID card holder who does not live with the member can use all MWR programs except those that need an adult ID card holder as well, like a guest house, or maybe a boat rental, etc. (overseas is different) and for the commissary the child has to live in the household of the sponsor, if the member does not have custody, then the child is not supposed to use the commissary. With command sponsorship it is more than just having a dependent with you, the dependent has to be command sponsored. There is such a thing as individual command sponsorship and temporary command sponsorship. Generally if you accept Command sponsorship midway through a tour, then you extend to complete the length of command sponsorship. There are always exceptions. He has his wife with him, so he has a dependent living with him, in housing on the economy, so the command sponsorship would have to be particular to the child. EFMP is different, it depends on what the issue is, if the facilities there are not equipped to help with the particular issue, then they would not assign him command sponsorship in that particular area, and yes there are exceptions. The AFI even discusses command sponsorship for vacationiing or visitng dependents. The only time, I have seen the six months come into play is for the Army to allow housing. If the member has custody 181 or more days, they are authorized housing, if they have 180 or less, they are not. This is an overseas Air Force (I believe) thing so it is probably all different, or she could be misunderstanding. The link above has phone numbers where a concerned mother could find out alot more. Before I signed anything like that, I would have to know alot more, and of course it would have to depend on my ex, and the whole situation. There is something missing here.
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Redlegg
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The EFMP is for family members with special needs, medical etc. EFMP is exclusive to the issue at hand, it is a very specific program driven by the needs of the dependent. It is not something everyone uses, or is authorized to no matter where they are. It may require specific medical treatment, counseling, or other things.
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Dolfinity
enthusiast
Reged: 08/19/08
Posts: 350
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Hi Again,
Redlegg, you've summed it up pretty closely.
My ex is remarried. He is Army. He is assigned to a base near Ramstein (Vogelweh).
This request for the statement saying his father has our son in his custody for 6 months out of the year came from my ex's wife. She has taken over all planning, correspondence, and communication between my ex and I about our DS. No matter how hard I try, I cannot communicate directly with him. She has hijacked his e-mail, phone, and mail. But this is a separate issue.
I have full physical custody. We share legal custody. There is no visitation in our agreement because after our divorce, my ex volunteered for a year in Iraq. We agreed to revise the visitation/custody when he returned stateside. However, during his Iraq assignment, he came back to the states for a 2-week leave and got remarried. He and his new wife worked very hard to be assigned to Germany, requesting multiple bases in Germany, rather than any stateside assignments. So the custody/visitation was not amended.
His new wife is the one fighting for this visitation arrangement. My ex and I have mediated, trying to work out the best arrangement for our son, because he is still young, and has lots of sensitivity and transition issues due to his autism. (Hence the enrollment in EFMP/Echo.) But she refuses to let ex sign the papers, telling him if he agrees to this, she will walk out on him.
I have agreed to a maximum of 7 weeks in the summer. The ex's new wife insists that the statement saying DS lives with his father 6 mo/year is so that DS can be enrolled in on-base daycare, and will not have to be treated on a space-available basis at the on-base medical facilities.
But I think there is a hidden agenda.
Elliesmom... I see your point. However, it COULD come back to bite me, in that my ex (or more likely, his wife) could then decide that he pays less child support. Or that they don't return DS to the states after the 7 weeks is up. With a notarized statement from me, they could do these things legally, and wreak havoc in our child's life. I see it as a way for her to twist the system and have a 'legal' way to get our DS away from me.
Sadly, DS has only spent a couple weeks a year with his Dad since he was 2, due to his Dad's travel around the US, Iraq, and now Germany. He has never been away from Mom for more than 10 days. So a 7 week trip, separated from Mom by an ocean, will cause a radical shift to our DS's frame of reference. More than 7 weeks could be detrimental, according to our mediator, because it could cause our DS to forget about the routine and familiar schedule, making it that much harder to transition back again. I am agreeing to it because DS deserves to know his Dad personally, despite the fact that he lives on a different continent. It allows a good chunk of time with Dad, but doesn't disrupt his school year and therapy schedule. It will allow time for him to settle back into his schedule and become reacquainted with his familiar surroundings afterwards, before school starts.
I'll make some calls to the facilities listed in the Ramstein area, and see if I can get some info directly from the source, rather than through the new-wife filter.
I did manage to get to speak to my ex directly (well, it was speakerphone) a couple days ago. I told him I would not sign this statement, because it simply wasn't true. We would have to come up with other arrangements.
Thanks so much for your help and insights.
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~ Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. ~
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