gunamakit
journeyman
Reged: 12/11/05
Posts: 78
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I thought I had posted this already, but can not find it, so if its here twice, please excuse
Ive been skimming some divorce with kids books and came upon something that read, The kids who are the quietest, the ones who are the most okay with the situation are the ones that are having the most difficulty with what is going on. My son refuses to talk about what is happening with dad and mom, has met dads girlfriend only weeks of his moving out of the house. I debate taking him to talk to someone, as he doesnt want to talk to family, i dont want to make him go if there really is no reason to, but then i dont want to NOT take him if he really is keeping alot bundled up inside and its waiting to explode.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30197
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...divorce support group for kids? If so, look into him joining it. Sometimes hearing that you are not the only one with these feelings can help. If his school DOESN'T have one, talk to the school counselor about starting one. There are a lot of kids from divorced homes out there.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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gunamakit
journeyman
Reged: 12/11/05
Posts: 78
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That is a good idea, however not one I would be willing to go forward with. Kids in school have enough stress with the work, peer pressure and other normal school issues that I dont want my kids to have to deal with home issues at school. A support group for kids tho is a great idea, one to look into somewhere else ~ i never thought of it.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30197
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...home issues at school means they don't have to deal with it there? No offense, please, but that is kind of naive.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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Rebecca5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 11697
Loc: Down home.
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It might explode....it might not. All kids have a difficult time with divorce, that's true....but they all also handle divorce in their very personal ways.
I would hesitate to *make* a child speak to someone. You may find him less willing to open-up, the more you push it.
My children both attend a peer support group at school, and it's been a great thing. They meet every-other week, during their lunch hour....so it doesn't add any more stress, or take away from their school time. My daughter is in 6th grade this year, and has been attending for 3 years now. They've become a pretty tight-knit group, and those friendships have carried over into all other things. If nothing else, it helps them feel "normal" again.
The best thing you can do is keep the door open. We have a rainbow on the inside of our front door, and when one of the kids wants to have a heart-to-heart, they hang their letter on the rainbow. It's a non-invasive way to connect...and it's worked very well.
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gunamakit
journeyman
Reged: 12/11/05
Posts: 78
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[quote]...home issues at school means they don't have to deal with it there? No offense, please, but that is kind of naive. [/quote]
No, not naive, just one less something they have to worry about at school.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30197
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...EXIST at school. I mean, Peer pressure is not an issue at home, most of the time, as the peers are not there. But the feelings generated during a divorce are FEELINGS. They are there ALL the time. At home, at school, at church, at the park, they are ALWAYS there. Honestly, children are MORE likely to speak openly to a bunch of kids their own age than to a pshrink or a counselor.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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Jaysmom
recently joined
Reged: 10/18/05
Posts: 15
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My son doesn't talk about the divorce either. I am a therapist and I have him seeing a counselor now. They are still building rapport, but it has already helped him. The focus is on him and where he is at right now. His school teacher and guidance counselor are aware of the problem. He has seen the guidance counselor several times - sometimes when he is struggling and sometimes when he is doing well so he knows that problems are the only things that get him attention. My heart goes out to you because you're in the same position that I am - kids suffer more than the parents and they have more limited resources.
Good luck!
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WickedStepMom
recently joined
Reged: 12/25/05
Posts: 23
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"...met the girlfriend weeks out of moving out the house"... How long had the two of you been separated or divorced? I'm a SM but I feel bad for your child...Had your ex left for a 'significant other' or was this just one of daddy's "friend's".
Geeze, divorce sucks for the kids...
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gunamakit
journeyman
Reged: 12/11/05
Posts: 78
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We had only been seperated for less than a month. But he sees nothing wrong with introducing them as he left it up to our son - asked him if he wanted to meet her or not. Son knows this is dads girlfriend and has even had overnights with him at her house. Dad is living with her more often than not, spends his parenting time with her - son is in other room playing video games - Dad sees nothing wrong with it and does not belive he is setting a bad example.
Husband did leave for her, even if he says otherwise - pride was stung for a bit, but I have since thanked the girlfriend for helping him wander and move on. Amazing how you can be with someone for so long and then not know them.
--I take 40% of the blame for our marriage going south..but he gets 60% for going the extra mile..sure the one time he applies himself... lol
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Frog
newbie
Reged: 12/29/05
Posts: 36
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I don't think it is a 'given' that the quiet ones are the ones you need to worry about...I just think it is easy to overlook the quiet ones so you need to make a conscious effort to take note on how they are doing. ALL kids need to learn how to deal with feelings - regardless of their situation...maybe this is just a perfect time to be talking about it. Make sure he understands that feeling are okay but not expressed (whether they be pleasant or unpleasant feelings) will eventually come out, someway, somehow. Make sure he understands the ways to get them out in a healthy way and both of you need to open and aware of the ugly ways they come out on their own if you don't deal with it correctly. That is my opinion anyway.
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