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Wallie1337
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Reged: 12/04/08
Posts: 22
Re: Anyone else lose interest after 2 weeks? [Re: BeachBabeRN]
      #558631 - 07/24/09 11:58 AM

I am not a playa.... Can I help it if I dont think someone is worth me? lol... and I lose interest if they arnt up to my standards? oh well... Im sorry, if I treat the ladies too nice and Im sorry if they are not good enough for me.

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4Summer
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Reged: 07/14/09
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Re: Anyone else lose interest after 2 weeks? [Re: Wallie1337]
      #558634 - 07/24/09 12:01 PM

Wow

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"Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence"


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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
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Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6756
Re: Anyone else lose interest after 2 weeks? [Re: 4Summer]
      #558960 - 07/25/09 10:49 AM

Was Wallie having some cocktails ?

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BeachBabeRN
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Re: Anyone else lose interest after 2 weeks? [Re: finz]
      #559155 - 07/26/09 03:43 PM

Wallie's got far too much ego for me and I suspect ANYONE --

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Wallie1337
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Reged: 12/04/08
Posts: 22
Re: Anyone else lose interest after 2 weeks? [Re: BeachBabeRN]
      #559184 - 07/26/09 10:13 PM

So are you telling me you should stay with someone because they treat you right, even though they don't have a job? or have alot of stress with their "crazy/stalker" ex? or if they have alot of pot-head friends? or if they go to the bars a lil "too much"? or are constantly complaining about her "bad" day? If someone is too emotionally needy or can't support themselves/independent... Why would I want to stay with them?

I have had a few ladies, that treated me great !!! Very friendly to me & my friends, sincere, even bought a Birthday gift for my son(even though she never met him), courteous to my feelings, called or texted me every morning just to say "good morning"..... However I just wasn't feeling anything for her or she had some flaws. Yes I know everyone has flaws, I can get over some things. But smoking pot is a dealbreaker! Hell, I know people that wont date a cigerette smoker !!!

Why am I so bad for being upfront and honest & telling her before too much time gets put into our dating, that I am not into her? And I can't help it if I am a friendly and outgoing ??? Everyone said after that the divorce, work on yourself... So I did, lost 40 lbs, read self-help books, stopped smoking, learned to listen and pay more attention to others, find a passion (like a sport or hobby), get motivated and inspired in life again... Whats wrong if a lady likes that in a man?
Therefore I Am Not a Player, I just like to date and find someone worth me ? Whats wrong with dating alot to try and find the right one ???? You people have such a double standard with guys... So tell me how I am suppose to find someone? or stay with someone if they aren't up to a reasonable standard? or not be so nice so that someone likes me right off the bat ?

Edited by Wallie1337 (07/26/09 10:15 PM)


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nolonger
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Reged: 09/15/08
Posts: 305
Re: Anyone else lose interest after 2 weeks? [Re: Wallie1337]
      #559497 - 07/27/09 03:43 PM

Wallie, I think you're right and it may be difficult for others to read humor or sarcasm in written print. You DO have quite and ego, but so do we all. It may be that your standards are higher or it may be that your self-esteem/respect is higher or that your need level is lower than those who commented. It may be none of that.

Either way, I hope you continue to have your standards but remember to be flexible in that there is no perfect woman for you. Be leary if you find one that seems perfect that she isn't molding herself into your standards. It could be a wonderful thing to have differences, but I think that's not your point. I think your point of upholding standards is A-OK.

Have you ever thought about the chances of finding someone like the one you seek? My philosophy is that the older you get, the "good" ones are picked up already. Those who are divorced may be "rejects" or "bad". Those of us who believe we're good (are actually are good) may find them selves divorced, too, tho. Single older adults have to weed thru the sea of "good" and "appears to be good" and decide who to date. Not so easy. I'm not surprised you're having trouble. The odds are stacked against you.

Best wishes.


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Wallie1337
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Reged: 12/04/08
Posts: 22
Re: Anyone else lose interest after 2 weeks? [Re: nolonger]
      #562269 - 08/02/09 11:47 PM

Me sarcastic ??? never.... okay just a lil...

Here is my theory, take it for what its worth. I met my EX, and we hit it off... I am talking great conversations, great fun, my friends and her friends clicked, we just clicked. If it was a plot to a movie you wouldnt believe it... And we got married after 8 monthes roughly. And everything was going fine, til her business started to suffer and money got tight. And then I realized her irresponsiblities. I mentioned this before in an early post, but it was bad which compiled more troubles than the money itself. I couldnt deal with it, made me shut down emmotionally to think someone I trusted and loved would hide the fact that she didnt pay the mortgage for 3 monthes and then would have no idea what she spent the 5000 dollars on instead? Other problems mounted too... Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo tried to work through it, but i realized other lil things I didnt like started popping up, lack of trust when I was out with my guy friends, etc , etc... but i dont wanna make a long story any longer... yada yada yada. Divorce.. However now we are great friends as long as i dont have to deal with her (ir)responsiblities.

Sooooooooo I learned not to fall for someone (sorry, lack for a better phrase) until I know they have their head on straight. Im not gonna lie, I date around alot. Since January... Maybe 20 some girls I have been on atleast 1 date with? And something didnt click, or it did for about a month or so and then I trusted them a lil more and it just didnt work. I realize alot of the the "good" ones are taken, and sometimes you have to find someone who isnt necissarily "good" or "perfect" but I want someone who is good and perfect for me. I can deal with imperfections. Its what makes us individuals, Im sarcastic and some girls really like that (as long as I use it in the right situations. Like in long lines at walmart, so they smile as we wait 30 mins to buy milk and her favorite cookies)

Anywho, I think I might have found someone pretty awesome. We have been talking for like a month and finally made time to get out about a week ago. 3 dates so far, every time we have a great time. Actually on the first date talked in the car til 4 am. I didnt even kiss her til the 3rd date. Arnt you guys proud of me? Really, we do have alot of the same interests. She seems to have her [censored] together, very similar personalities. She accepts my flaws... divorced and with a child and living with his father and mother as he recovers from cancer (he's 130 lbs now and just started chemo a month ago) Hows that for a deal breaker?

Im 33 and shes only 24... Yeah I know =.) But omg, she has so much going for her, I could go on all day about what I like. However like I said a month of talking and a week of dating is too soon, and I usually have a month limit til it all goes to crap anyways. LOL....

I have a lil 3yr old boy that is the world to me... OBVIOUSLY... He is my heart, my smile, my comfort, my pride, my conscience and most importantly my best friend.
I don't want this to sound like I want to replace him, but I want to have the exact same feelings for my next wife.

Love you guys =.)


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timbuktu
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Reged: 09/26/09
Posts: 77
Re: Anyone else lose interest after 2 weeks? [Re: BeachBabeRN]
      #583745 - 09/30/09 09:11 PM

You sound like me **LOL** And I'm a girl!

When I was at this same point in my life, I did exactly the same thing. Think I liked him, had a good time, but eventually it was just......**whatever** I found that when I went through that time period in my life that I needed to simply not deal with the hassle, the effort, the getting dressed up, the make up......and just not go.

Instead of moving on to another interest outside yourself, why not make your next interest you? You didn't give a lot of info about yourself so I'm just taking a shot at this but it is eerily similar to stages in my life before now.

If you have kids, do stuff with them. If you don't, take care of your own hobbies, house remodeling, spending time with your friends and family members -- give yourself a break from dating.

You know in your heart that the **giddiness** does not exactly form the basis for a lasting relationship, it changes and evolves into something more permanent and solid. There's always room for excitement in life but when you're frantically moving from one person to another, you don't get time for you.

My STBX is similar to you in that he can't stand still, can't just BE, can't relax. He has to be going ALL THE TIME. It was exhausting for me!!!!! I couldn't keep up with him!

I have someone in my life now that I have known for fifteen years and share a lot of history with. He likes to go out and have FUN. BUT he's equally happy watching a movie if I'm tired, dining quietly instead of going out dancing and sitting on a beach reading a book while he holds my hand. He's adventurous without being in constant pursuit of SOMETHING TO DO.

Are ya getting it? Slow down, you may be moving too fast because it seems something stops you at the same point each and every time. Discover what it is -- modify your behavior if you can. And if you can't, then start looking at what YOU need from yourself -- not from others.

And, speaking strictly as a woman, I would find it ever so disappointing and be competely in the dark as to why I didn't quite measure up to your giddy standards and be put aside because the excitement wasn't always blazing.

Just my opinion......

I've met a really great guy...but his "my love" in texts drives me crazy (and not in a good way!!).

We had one date and he already told me he loves me. His voicemails say different and although I kinda sorta like him....it's not enough to make me wanna date him anymore.

How the heck do I tell him to knock off the "my love" crap? I'm not into "lovie dovie" as I told him on our first date when he asked if I was into public affection..yet he keeps it up in text messages..and I just wanna throw up...the reason why I don't return any of his texts..

Yet..his voicemails say, "Didja fall off the face of the earth or what??" and I don't mind that..but I'm just not sure I'm into this guy at all.

I texted him and told him I just think I wanna be alone for the moment....and his reply.."Something I said??"

Ugh...after one date??


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timbuktu
journeyman
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Reged: 09/26/09
Posts: 77
Re: Anyone else lose interest after 2 weeks? [Re: BeachBabeRN]
      #584368 - 10/01/09 11:57 PM

I lost interest after one date!! Thought I really liked the guy until he started texting me and calling me, "My love"

Didn't help when on the first date he writes me this message on a piece of paper while I was in the ladies room..."I really like you..."

UGH!! First turn off on the date..and then as he drank more shots..he looked and me and said, "I really love you.."

My tires couldn't have peeled out of that parking lot soon enough although I tried to stay to be polite......

Bottom line..I just wanna be alone for awhile and figure my stuff out...and he doesn't get that....thought I was ready to date..but not like this "good morning my love...", etc.

I would love to find a guy that would just be cool..not all lovey dovey. Guess I'm comparing him to my ex..and I know that's not right either...but the bottom line is....I can't handle someone hanging all over me....sending me flowers....offering to fix all my troubles....after just ONE date!!


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