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Wallie1337
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Reged: 12/04/08
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Anyone else lose interest after 2 weeks?
      #546744 - 06/19/09 01:28 AM

I know this is gonna sound bad, but I don't care. I am who I am...
But really? I think I can go about 2 weeks, maybe a month before I completely lose interest or find something wrong with the person/relationship. I'll meet someone, have long quality conversations, date for less than a month, and then be like "next"?
Honestly its not in the "I got some, time to move on." I am a genuine and sincere guy. Alot of people like me because of how nice I am. I treat women right, hold doors open, listen, actually carry a conversation, etc etc. And when I usually date someone, I take them on fun dates. Every time I go out, whoever I am with usually has a great time. Hence most women like me and want to keep dating for awhile. However, I just don't feel that giddyness for too long about someone.

So I am curious if I should try to stay with someone longer if we get along great or should I try to find someone that keeps the giddyness in me for longer than 2 weeks. Right now, I am dating a really nice girl... Honestly, she does alot of things right, funny, charming, sweet, can take a compliment (thank god, most girls can't?). And I can't find anything wrong? But I see the same thing happening.

So here it is in a nutshell, move on to the next interest or stay with this one longer and see if it develops even though that "butterfly gut feeling" is fading fast?

LOL
W


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BeachBabeRN
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Re: Anyone else lose interest after 2 weeks? [Re: Wallie1337]
      #546747 - 06/19/09 07:23 AM

You sound like me **LOL** And I'm a girl!

When I was at this same point in my life, I did exactly the same thing. Think I liked him, had a good time, but eventually it was just......**whatever** I found that when I went through that time period in my life that I needed to simply not deal with the hassle, the effort, the getting dressed up, the make up......and just not go.

Instead of moving on to another interest outside yourself, why not make your next interest you? You didn't give a lot of info about yourself so I'm just taking a shot at this but it is eerily similar to stages in my life before now.

If you have kids, do stuff with them. If you don't, take care of your own hobbies, house remodeling, spending time with your friends and family members -- give yourself a break from dating.

You know in your heart that the **giddiness** does not exactly form the basis for a lasting relationship, it changes and evolves into something more permanent and solid. There's always room for excitement in life but when you're frantically moving from one person to another, you don't get time for you.

My STBX is similar to you in that he can't stand still, can't just BE, can't relax. He has to be going ALL THE TIME. It was exhausting for me!!!!! I couldn't keep up with him!

I have someone in my life now that I have known for fifteen years and share a lot of history with. He likes to go out and have FUN. BUT he's equally happy watching a movie if I'm tired, dining quietly instead of going out dancing and sitting on a beach reading a book while he holds my hand. He's adventurous without being in constant pursuit of SOMETHING TO DO.

Are ya getting it? Slow down, you may be moving too fast because it seems something stops you at the same point each and every time. Discover what it is -- modify your behavior if you can. And if you can't, then start looking at what YOU need from yourself -- not from others.

And, speaking strictly as a woman, I would find it ever so disappointing and be competely in the dark as to why I didn't quite measure up to your giddy standards and be put aside because the excitement wasn't always blazing.

Just my opinion......


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shortmarriage
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Re: Anyone else lose interest after 2 weeks? [Re: Wallie1337]
      #546957 - 06/19/09 06:29 PM

Great post, BeachBabeRN!

Hey Wallie, didn't you just post not that long ago about wanting to take a relationship to the next level- dating exclusively, having "the talk" and all that? You were into her, right? What was different about her? I'm wondering if it was the challenge, she wasn't all that considerate of you if I remember correctly?

What was your marriage like? How did your wife treat you?


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nolonger
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Re: Anyone else lose interest after 2 weeks? [Re: shortmarriage]
      #547114 - 06/21/09 12:14 AM

After two weeks of what? Just meeting? After having sex for the first time? Do you have sex after just two weeks of meeting?

My answer is no. I have lost interest after weeks and weeks of meeting, sex or no sex, but lost interest because either 1. we were obviously not connected in the same interests, or 2, we had no chance of a lasting relationship due to geographical locations.

I have not yet lost interest after two weeks of everything being fine thus far.

Your post raises red flags to me. I agree with Beachbabe - go out and truly find yourself. Your a guy, so if you need, then have sex but be careful.. Maybe have sex with a friend with benefits so you don't accumulate too many partners, just to get off but maintain some sort of manly dignity. I think after the divorce stage, it's no longer cool (or healthy in any sense of the word) for a man to have too many exes around.

Most men I know, post divorce, go thru a "getting laid" period but don't have to post a Q about lasting longer than two weeks. It's either you're getting some from someone you don't care about, or you find someone you care about and don't care about getting laid, just getting to know her deeper and continuing to a relationship. It seems to me, you've got it a bit mixed up. Find yourself. heal. Grow. Then you'll be ready to share the real you with someone who is worthy of the commitment you mention. You may find you don't want a commitment at all.


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Wallie1337
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Re: Anyone else lose interest after 2 weeks? [Re: nolonger]
      #549314 - 06/29/09 10:19 PM

LMAO...

Oh god this is gonna sound bad.
Here are my rules

I don't lie, I don't steal, I don't cheat, I don't do drugs and I don't talk behind your back... But I will be damn sure to say whatever right in front of your face as well... LMFAO... I don't hide anything, its all out there for you to pick through.... Love Me... Hate Me... I don't care because it won't make me or break me and ~~~> I love me some ME !!!

~~ From that earlier Post ~~ Don't get me wrong, I learned alot from that relationship that I wanted to take to the next level.
To keep it short, I had a family health issue come up. And I was alone from my family for 2 months, she was the closest person at the time. So I trusted her for company & support. But it faded during that time. I think thats why I took that break up so bad. But thats over and done and I've definitely moved on...

Back to the question at hand. I work on me all the time, gym, hockey, playing with my boy, yardwork, spending time with friends, shopping, reading, holding a bar stool down, & I do work... LOL, I have a cake Govt Salary job, where I work about 4 hours a day and home by noon. (yeah I know you hate me) So I have alot of free time....

Heres the part where you hate me. I have different categories with "girls". You have possible relationship status, you have someone fun to hang out with(bars etc), you have nothing there but they are nice, and you have hook ups. Don't get me wrong, I treat all of them with respect and show them a fun time on dates. They are the ones to wanna sleep with me. But I make sure I tell/ask them this is casual or I don't want you to get too attached or what ever the "thing" is. LOL... Im honest and upfront, deal with it. This is where it gets really bad, but honestly I am charming and a bit of a flirt. Don't hate me for being able to carry a conversation while looking at a girl in the eyes, or noticing she did something different with her hair, or remembering what kind of purse she has, or complimenting her on her shoes, or watching the same movies as girls do, or enjoy shopping and looking nice. I notice things about people and try to make people feel better about themselves, because people do notice little things.... I don't do it as a "routine to get laid". I never press the sex issue. The sexual tension is fun though, keeps the dating fun and exciting. And yes, I have lost interest even without having sex with them.

Yeah yeah yeah. By the way, I have two extremely close friends that I tell everything to and get there advice. One is my EX, who I am extremely open with, and we are very good friends now. Its almost uncanny? The other is a girl, who has been down the divorce road and other "relationship roads". So its good to get there advice on interests and other dating tips. I like to call it, spying on the enemy. Just kidding,lol... But really I trust them with dating advice and its nice to see the view of an outside party with no emotions involved with my dates. Yes they think Im a man-[censored] too.

So I dunno? You know how they say, "When something exciting happens, You're the first person I wanna call and talk about it." you know? like the person you daydream about... Well I honestly do feel that way, for about a month? And then it just kinda fades, sometimes from both sides, hers and mine. Personally I think its because Im too nice? If everything is going fine and he's nice then they don't have anything to work on and it takes some of the dating fun away. Laugh at me, but Im just saying.

=.)
W


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shortmarriage
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Re: Anyone else lose interest after 2 weeks? [Re: Wallie1337]
      #549321 - 06/29/09 11:45 PM

Ok, Wallie, not to be rude, but....your posting....where's the humility?

I'm pretty sure you've posted like atleast a half dozen times about "wanting to hate you"......why?

What is that about?

I think you need a different perspective on your relationships.

BTW, what are you offering? What makes you an attractive candidate?


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Redlegg
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Re: Anyone else lose interest after 2 weeks? [Re: Wallie1337]
      #549333 - 06/30/09 05:32 AM

Wow, I really thought maybe you were serious, and it took me a bit, but that is well written. Thats a good one. You had me going. I could not believe that someone would make themselves so unattractive/arrogant that people would hate them. That is when I realized it was just a parody, like a James Bond wannabee written by an almost author. Good one though, excellent job. It made me smile.......

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Wallie1337
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Re: Anyone else lose interest after 2 weeks? [Re: Redlegg]
      #549538 - 06/30/09 02:00 PM

LOL... you know those characters that play up the bad/vain guy role just to get a reaction. Kinda Andy Kauffman like? Thats me...

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gsabas
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Re: Anyone else lose interest after 2 weeks? [Re: Wallie1337]
      #556607 - 07/20/09 02:05 AM

Wallie,

you seem to have fallen in love with yourself long back and stayed fiercely loyal.

--------------------
Ideal Gifts for all occasions: Bobblehead


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BeachBabeRN
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Re: Anyone else lose interest after 2 weeks? [Re: gsabas]
      #556977 - 07/21/09 07:16 AM

Can you say PLAYA???????

Geez, I gave an answer that I thought was a good one to a question that wasn't even asked.

If it had been phrased the way it was the second time, I'd have continued down the road, never stopping to comment.


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Wallie1337
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Re: Anyone else lose interest after 2 weeks? [Re: BeachBabeRN]
      #558631 - 07/24/09 11:58 AM

I am not a playa.... Can I help it if I dont think someone is worth me? lol... and I lose interest if they arnt up to my standards? oh well... Im sorry, if I treat the ladies too nice and Im sorry if they are not good enough for me.

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4Summer
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Re: Anyone else lose interest after 2 weeks? [Re: Wallie1337]
      #558634 - 07/24/09 12:01 PM

Wow

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"Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence"


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finz
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Re: Anyone else lose interest after 2 weeks? [Re: 4Summer]
      #558960 - 07/25/09 10:49 AM

Was Wallie having some cocktails ?

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BeachBabeRN
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Re: Anyone else lose interest after 2 weeks? [Re: finz]
      #559155 - 07/26/09 03:43 PM

Wallie's got far too much ego for me and I suspect ANYONE --

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Wallie1337
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Re: Anyone else lose interest after 2 weeks? [Re: BeachBabeRN]
      #559184 - 07/26/09 10:13 PM

So are you telling me you should stay with someone because they treat you right, even though they don't have a job? or have alot of stress with their "crazy/stalker" ex? or if they have alot of pot-head friends? or if they go to the bars a lil "too much"? or are constantly complaining about her "bad" day? If someone is too emotionally needy or can't support themselves/independent... Why would I want to stay with them?

I have had a few ladies, that treated me great !!! Very friendly to me & my friends, sincere, even bought a Birthday gift for my son(even though she never met him), courteous to my feelings, called or texted me every morning just to say "good morning"..... However I just wasn't feeling anything for her or she had some flaws. Yes I know everyone has flaws, I can get over some things. But smoking pot is a dealbreaker! Hell, I know people that wont date a cigerette smoker !!!

Why am I so bad for being upfront and honest & telling her before too much time gets put into our dating, that I am not into her? And I can't help it if I am a friendly and outgoing ??? Everyone said after that the divorce, work on yourself... So I did, lost 40 lbs, read self-help books, stopped smoking, learned to listen and pay more attention to others, find a passion (like a sport or hobby), get motivated and inspired in life again... Whats wrong if a lady likes that in a man?
Therefore I Am Not a Player, I just like to date and find someone worth me ? Whats wrong with dating alot to try and find the right one ???? You people have such a double standard with guys... So tell me how I am suppose to find someone? or stay with someone if they aren't up to a reasonable standard? or not be so nice so that someone likes me right off the bat ?

Edited by Wallie1337 (07/26/09 10:15 PM)


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nolonger
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Re: Anyone else lose interest after 2 weeks? [Re: Wallie1337]
      #559497 - 07/27/09 03:43 PM

Wallie, I think you're right and it may be difficult for others to read humor or sarcasm in written print. You DO have quite and ego, but so do we all. It may be that your standards are higher or it may be that your self-esteem/respect is higher or that your need level is lower than those who commented. It may be none of that.

Either way, I hope you continue to have your standards but remember to be flexible in that there is no perfect woman for you. Be leary if you find one that seems perfect that she isn't molding herself into your standards. It could be a wonderful thing to have differences, but I think that's not your point. I think your point of upholding standards is A-OK.

Have you ever thought about the chances of finding someone like the one you seek? My philosophy is that the older you get, the "good" ones are picked up already. Those who are divorced may be "rejects" or "bad". Those of us who believe we're good (are actually are good) may find them selves divorced, too, tho. Single older adults have to weed thru the sea of "good" and "appears to be good" and decide who to date. Not so easy. I'm not surprised you're having trouble. The odds are stacked against you.

Best wishes.


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Wallie1337
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Re: Anyone else lose interest after 2 weeks? [Re: nolonger]
      #562269 - 08/02/09 11:47 PM

Me sarcastic ??? never.... okay just a lil...

Here is my theory, take it for what its worth. I met my EX, and we hit it off... I am talking great conversations, great fun, my friends and her friends clicked, we just clicked. If it was a plot to a movie you wouldnt believe it... And we got married after 8 monthes roughly. And everything was going fine, til her business started to suffer and money got tight. And then I realized her irresponsiblities. I mentioned this before in an early post, but it was bad which compiled more troubles than the money itself. I couldnt deal with it, made me shut down emmotionally to think someone I trusted and loved would hide the fact that she didnt pay the mortgage for 3 monthes and then would have no idea what she spent the 5000 dollars on instead? Other problems mounted too... Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo tried to work through it, but i realized other lil things I didnt like started popping up, lack of trust when I was out with my guy friends, etc , etc... but i dont wanna make a long story any longer... yada yada yada. Divorce.. However now we are great friends as long as i dont have to deal with her (ir)responsiblities.

Sooooooooo I learned not to fall for someone (sorry, lack for a better phrase) until I know they have their head on straight. Im not gonna lie, I date around alot. Since January... Maybe 20 some girls I have been on atleast 1 date with? And something didnt click, or it did for about a month or so and then I trusted them a lil more and it just didnt work. I realize alot of the the "good" ones are taken, and sometimes you have to find someone who isnt necissarily "good" or "perfect" but I want someone who is good and perfect for me. I can deal with imperfections. Its what makes us individuals, Im sarcastic and some girls really like that (as long as I use it in the right situations. Like in long lines at walmart, so they smile as we wait 30 mins to buy milk and her favorite cookies)

Anywho, I think I might have found someone pretty awesome. We have been talking for like a month and finally made time to get out about a week ago. 3 dates so far, every time we have a great time. Actually on the first date talked in the car til 4 am. I didnt even kiss her til the 3rd date. Arnt you guys proud of me? Really, we do have alot of the same interests. She seems to have her [censored] together, very similar personalities. She accepts my flaws... divorced and with a child and living with his father and mother as he recovers from cancer (he's 130 lbs now and just started chemo a month ago) Hows that for a deal breaker?

Im 33 and shes only 24... Yeah I know =.) But omg, she has so much going for her, I could go on all day about what I like. However like I said a month of talking and a week of dating is too soon, and I usually have a month limit til it all goes to crap anyways. LOL....

I have a lil 3yr old boy that is the world to me... OBVIOUSLY... He is my heart, my smile, my comfort, my pride, my conscience and most importantly my best friend.
I don't want this to sound like I want to replace him, but I want to have the exact same feelings for my next wife.

Love you guys =.)


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timbuktu
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Re: Anyone else lose interest after 2 weeks? [Re: BeachBabeRN]
      #583745 - 09/30/09 09:11 PM

You sound like me **LOL** And I'm a girl!

When I was at this same point in my life, I did exactly the same thing. Think I liked him, had a good time, but eventually it was just......**whatever** I found that when I went through that time period in my life that I needed to simply not deal with the hassle, the effort, the getting dressed up, the make up......and just not go.

Instead of moving on to another interest outside yourself, why not make your next interest you? You didn't give a lot of info about yourself so I'm just taking a shot at this but it is eerily similar to stages in my life before now.

If you have kids, do stuff with them. If you don't, take care of your own hobbies, house remodeling, spending time with your friends and family members -- give yourself a break from dating.

You know in your heart that the **giddiness** does not exactly form the basis for a lasting relationship, it changes and evolves into something more permanent and solid. There's always room for excitement in life but when you're frantically moving from one person to another, you don't get time for you.

My STBX is similar to you in that he can't stand still, can't just BE, can't relax. He has to be going ALL THE TIME. It was exhausting for me!!!!! I couldn't keep up with him!

I have someone in my life now that I have known for fifteen years and share a lot of history with. He likes to go out and have FUN. BUT he's equally happy watching a movie if I'm tired, dining quietly instead of going out dancing and sitting on a beach reading a book while he holds my hand. He's adventurous without being in constant pursuit of SOMETHING TO DO.

Are ya getting it? Slow down, you may be moving too fast because it seems something stops you at the same point each and every time. Discover what it is -- modify your behavior if you can. And if you can't, then start looking at what YOU need from yourself -- not from others.

And, speaking strictly as a woman, I would find it ever so disappointing and be competely in the dark as to why I didn't quite measure up to your giddy standards and be put aside because the excitement wasn't always blazing.

Just my opinion......

I've met a really great guy...but his "my love" in texts drives me crazy (and not in a good way!!).

We had one date and he already told me he loves me. His voicemails say different and although I kinda sorta like him....it's not enough to make me wanna date him anymore.

How the heck do I tell him to knock off the "my love" crap? I'm not into "lovie dovie" as I told him on our first date when he asked if I was into public affection..yet he keeps it up in text messages..and I just wanna throw up...the reason why I don't return any of his texts..

Yet..his voicemails say, "Didja fall off the face of the earth or what??" and I don't mind that..but I'm just not sure I'm into this guy at all.

I texted him and told him I just think I wanna be alone for the moment....and his reply.."Something I said??"

Ugh...after one date??


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timbuktu
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Re: Anyone else lose interest after 2 weeks? [Re: BeachBabeRN]
      #584368 - 10/01/09 11:57 PM

I lost interest after one date!! Thought I really liked the guy until he started texting me and calling me, "My love"

Didn't help when on the first date he writes me this message on a piece of paper while I was in the ladies room..."I really like you..."

UGH!! First turn off on the date..and then as he drank more shots..he looked and me and said, "I really love you.."

My tires couldn't have peeled out of that parking lot soon enough although I tried to stay to be polite......

Bottom line..I just wanna be alone for awhile and figure my stuff out...and he doesn't get that....thought I was ready to date..but not like this "good morning my love...", etc.

I would love to find a guy that would just be cool..not all lovey dovey. Guess I'm comparing him to my ex..and I know that's not right either...but the bottom line is....I can't handle someone hanging all over me....sending me flowers....offering to fix all my troubles....after just ONE date!!


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