justjaded
recently joined
Reged: 04/02/07
Posts: 20
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Well in reguards to javajunkies response, this was a slap in the face but obviously right on. There are definatly more problems in the marriage and maybe I am just making waves by giving him the letter but I thought I was supposed to write how I felt since the communication is nill. I may have gone overboard with finger pointing but I have a right to state my perspective and thought, so I thought. I have been in therapy on and off since I was young. He has not. I have tried the vibrator thing but thats not passion or love and I think I deserve more than that. As far as redeeming value. He is a good step father ( a little annoying about his authority but overall a better dad than my sons father). Hes a provider, he cleans, he does laundry, he takes care of the dog, goes to work everyday, he has a great body-works out everyday, what more could a girl ask for? How about feeling wanted, loved and appreciated? Your right I am angry and making us more miserable so I will ponder what your have said. He deserves someone who doesn't treat him like crap and so do I.
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johnson27
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 07/31/08
Posts: 2435
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Wow. You obviously didn't take my advice on how to word the letter. You feel that you are being treated wrong, but do you think by treating him wrong in return that you will get what you're looking for??? By speaking to him like that, regardless of what he has or hasn't done, you are only placing a bigger gap in your relationship with him.
The best way to turn a situation around is to start with yourself. You will get nowhere pointing fingers and placing blame if you don't look at what needs to be changed with yourself first. If someone approached you in the manner that you did him, how would you have responded??
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Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.
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justjaded
recently joined
Reged: 04/02/07
Posts: 20
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Your all right! I do need to work on myself, alot. But so does he. I did order the book you mentioned and anxiously await reading it. I do want my relationship to work. Maybe, accepting the fact he battled cancer-alone. Maybe being more supportive with his issues. Maybe being nicer. Maybe asking him to write me a letter too about what I need to change. Because obviously he has a problem with me, right? I have alot to think about and I guess I owe him an appology. Thanks all for being brutally honest. The work beings with me I get it. I would love to see what your letters would have looked like though, I tend to go off on a tangent and obviously thats a problem.
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johnson27
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 07/31/08
Posts: 2435
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Maybe, accepting the fact he battled cancer-alone
----------> I'm not sure I understand this, why is there any acceptance for the fact he battled cancer alone? Was he diagnosed during your relationship/marriage and wanted to handle it alone? I'm sorry, I'm confused.
Maybe being more supportive with his issues.
---------> What are his issues?
Maybe asking him to write me a letter too about what I need to change. Because obviously he has a problem with me, right?
---------> Remember, this isn't about pointing out what each others faults are...this is about recognition of our own faults and feelings. For example, instead of saying I get frustrated and angry when *you* don't (fill in the blank), say....It makes me very sad when we don't (fill in the blank).
I would offer an apology, but go in not expecting an apology back. This can be a major problem in relationships, we all have ideas of what or how we think our spouse/SO should respond or react, and when they don't react the way *we* think they should we get upset.
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Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.
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justjaded
recently joined
Reged: 04/02/07
Posts: 20
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accepting the fact he battled cancer-alone
He did not tell anyone he was going through cancer, except another massage therapist and myself. (thats how I met him)
Having reprocussions from the chemo- infertile.
Pretending he never had cancer.
Those issues.
His issues besides not being able to provide children?
He is a biggot, socially retarded, unaccepting of ANY or my friends, NEGATIVE all the time, and constantly interfering with my child support that I am supposed to get and never do. He hates that I smoke yet he chews tobacco. He works for an idiot who does not provide health insurance and I think thats it besides the obvious.
I never expect an appology but some how he always does. Tonight is the first night I work a Friday night so lets see if he comes to visit which I told him to give me a few weeks before he "visits". I do not piss at his job btw. Boy am I miserable or what. Please God Help me!
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johnson27
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 07/31/08
Posts: 2435
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Were none of these issues addressed BEFORE you and him married??
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Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.
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losingfaith
addict
Reged: 01/26/09
Posts: 650
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Sounds a bit far fetched
I don't buy it
It’s like tiring to read a book that is only giving you one half of one side of the story.
I could be wrong but something is a miss with all of this, I just can't put my finger on it.
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Standing above the crowd he had a voice that was strong and loud
Edited by losingfaith (06/26/09 02:18 PM)
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Yes_Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 08/23/08
Posts: 7406
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Quote:
accepting the fact he battled cancer-alone
He did not tell anyone he was going through cancer, except another massage therapist and myself. (thats how I met him)
Having reprocussions from the chemo- infertile.
Pretending he never had cancer.
Those issues.
His issues besides not being able to provide children?
He is a biggot, socially retarded, unaccepting of ANY or my friends, NEGATIVE all the time, and constantly interfering with my child support that I am supposed to get and never do. He hates that I smoke yet he chews tobacco. He works for an idiot who does not provide health insurance and I think thats it besides the obvious.
I never expect an appology but some how he always does. Tonight is the first night I work a Friday night so lets see if he comes to visit which I told him to give me a few weeks before he "visits". I do not piss at his job btw. Boy am I miserable or what. Please God Help me!
Were you a "couple" when he was battling cancer.
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DeeCan
veteran
Reged: 04/05/08
Posts: 1266
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If I can feel the frost coming off you here - just in reading, I can only imagine what your husband is feeling.
The man is 48 years old. While he's not old by no means, he's not exactly a Spring chicken anymore either. He IS going to run into some health issues and it seems he's already had some which are going to take it's toll on him physically.
Instead of focusing on what he's not doing, focus on the WHY. Is it because your so friggin' angry? Refocus and work on changing that attitude. Is it medical - possibly loss of testosterone (Andropause)? You don't need insurance for that - you can testosterone in OTC creams.
But I don't think ANYTHING will change until you calm down a bit and are willing to see past what's not going on to what possibly could be.
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Don't drink and park, accidents cause people.
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Yes_Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 08/23/08
Posts: 7406
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A sexless marriage simply means one partner has fallen out of love with the other.
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