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sadie46
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Reged: 04/21/06
Posts: 186
Lawyers and communication from clients
      #547783 - 06/23/09 06:31 PM

I have heard different views on whether you are to talk to STBX or not. My father is old school and said you never talk with ex...once filed you most likely will have no contact again. Then I have heard that some lawyers accept the clients to work out some issues together. My ex lawyer said to not talk to me, mine never said this. His lawyer drove up huge attorney fees for both sides due to this. Also wanted our 100,000 home equity in her trust acct. Mine said "I don't want it"...put it in a joint account with stipulation that it can't be touched with both agreeing. His lawyer played some really terrible games and ex had no clue about what she was doing. She never charged him/billed in the year and then after divorce sent him a $10K bill, he was in shock. Mine was $20K+ due to his lawyer just wanting to keep the divorce open. We had a settlement 10/06, she was to draw up accordingly to our wishes. 30 Days later she send this totally wrong decree. One being an account IRA in ex name valued at $197500. I had the current doc and it had $2005 in it. She left off many accounts and many different values. There were other things also. Totally a waste of time. Then months and months went by with nothing. Towards the end she drew up 2 more draft decrees that keep changing from what ex and I agreed. Ex never said anything because they were to his favor. But I told my lawyer this ia totally unacceptable. His lawyer sent my lawyer a letter stating that I was bothering ex...I was just trying to get him to get with his lawyer and let's get it finalize because I was seeing her run a money game. Had she drew up the decree in 06, she had only had $2-3K invested. Didn't want to settle...knowing she could keep it adversial. I asked my lawyer this question. "Are all lawyers crooks"? And he said yes..most. I was shocked he would say this. So the question is do you talk to ex during proceeding to work out a settlement or allow the lawyers to handle it all?

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ILMimi
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Reged: 01/03/08
Posts: 502
Re: Lawyers and communication from clients [Re: sadie46]
      #548179 - 06/25/09 11:41 AM

You make an attempt at mediation through an unbiased mediator not affiliated with each of your lawyers. This allows you to talk to each other about the issues but in a calmer, more professional way. Then when you reach an impasse, you use your lawyers for any final details.

The more you can keep your lawyers out of it the better.

I couldn't talk to my ex. He was/is bipolar (off meds) and a drug addict. You can't have a rational conversation with the irrational. BTW, I spent $42K on my divorce but it also included custody and visitation issues.


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sadie46
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Reged: 04/21/06
Posts: 186
Re: Lawyers and communication from clients [Re: ILMimi]
      #548718 - 06/27/09 10:51 AM

Thanks for your opinion. My ex has the thought that women are there to take care of them and kids. So, when he didn't need me anymore for the kids etc...just divorce. His thinking was this...he made the majority of money, he should keep it all. The evidence spoke clearly how I stood beside him and helped his career for 20 years. I worked in "his" business for majority of time, but took no paycheck. Big big mistake. He got furious when I hired a lawyer from day one. Said we could work it out. He acted like he had no idea what alimony was and wanted 75% of our remaining assets. Went through $200K+ during the breakdown of 2 years. His words...I made the money...you didn't. I tried to reason with him, but can't change a narcissist thinking. I do feel that his lawyer played him like a fiddle hoping that she could confuse both of us. Ex is still fighting what the court decree said. I do not trust lawyers after what I saw. Mine or his. Thank God I had a basic knowledge of accounting/finance otherwise I would have gotten peanuts. I did think in the beginning that things would be somewhat civil and I could trust lawyers to do the right thing. I know it is not in my best interest to go over the divorce file but when I do I can't believe the circus, it was by far the worst betrayal of my trust in humanity. All the sacrifices I made as a conversative person, only to see it all thrown away due to greedy lawyers/ex spouse.

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caballera
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Reged: 07/03/09
Posts: 1
Re: Lawyers and communication from clients [Re: sadie46]
      #550608 - 07/03/09 08:22 PM

I wonder, Sadie, if what the court awarded you in the end was equitable? I am just now at the beginning of the process. Our interim support hearing is July 21. We still live in the same house and it is an emotional roller coaster. I will not move out until the divorce is final because we have a horse ranch and I take care of, and train, all the horses. Finding a rental would be problematic. It will be so much easier to move the one time as the divorce is finalized. I filed in May, and our trial date is January 6 '10. Of course that is subject to delays, so I'm not making plans yet.

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sadie46
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Reged: 04/21/06
Posts: 186
Re: Lawyers and communication from clients [Re: caballera]
      #555258 - 07/15/09 10:44 PM

Caballera, my divorce case was not an easy one. Our breakdown and the divorce was due to him stealing from halis employer and got fired. I was seeing some real financial betrayals and then it got worse. Once the divorce started, he thought by hiding assets amongst a myriad of other things he would make out better. I have always heard that if you hide money and a Judge finds out then your credibility is gone. His lawyer knew he was hiding all kinds of things which makes it worse. I was told the money he spent ...100,000's I would never see again..kiss goodbye. And that was the case. Gone. So in all fairness, I feel that I was cheated but yet accepted because it was not worth it to me to fight anymore. It's sad but once the divorce was over. I was releaved, but guess what. Ex started the war all over again. Withholding property etc, calling me all kinds of names. I had to file a contempt to get what I was awarded, but soon after he started doing it again. The real kicker was I went to get 3K he owed me..past due and files an RO on me. He did dismiss though, but he did it for spite. Then he says he is going to kill me and not over until I'm dead, again verbally abuses me, threatening me so I file an RO on him. He won't accept decree and most likely a fight for years. Mind you he wanted out even though I was the one who was betrayed/abused. After 24 years I was hoping he would get clean, but he only got in his fraud. He says these things, I'll do what I damn well please. Don't get a fat f*** what a Judge says...the decree is wrong. It goes on and on. Blames everything on others, but in reality he is a victim of his own demise. I wish you good luck, it's not easy even in good divorces.

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