Start Your Divorce Today - Premium Divorce Online


Divorce Source Community Forums >> Helping Your Child(ren)

Jump to first unread post. Pages: 1
lovely22
recently joined


Reged: 07/31/09
Posts: 1
what do you tell a child
      #561852 - 07/31/09 04:27 PM

my boyfriends ex up and left atleast 8 months ago leaving him with their two yr old. he and i have been together for a good while now and i see more and more that she sees me as mommy. my concern is what do we tell her when she starts asking questions. she has not seen her mother since she left not even in pictures and she never asks about her. we never talk about her either and we also never know when of if the mom is going to come back one day. should we be talking about her mom or does she even remember her and if she were to come back by chance we know she wont stay so should we let her visit or would that just be worse. if it were up to us we would rather just pretend she didnt exist but i know thats probably not the right thing to do. so what are you supposed to do in a situation like this

Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
asurvivor
Carpal \'Tunnel
**

Reged: 06/14/05
Posts: 3410
Re: what do you tell a child [Re: lovely22]
      #564022 - 08/06/09 05:30 PM

post your question on step family issues and you'll better feed back!!!

Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
BeckaLeigh
Carpal \'Tunnel
**

Reged: 06/08/05
Posts: 6876
Loc: Texas
Re: what do you tell a child [Re: lovely22]
      #564535 - 08/07/09 05:09 PM

I am going to answer this based on my experience. There are certain things parents can do that are hard to forgive in my eyes. Abandoning thier children is one of them. Not helping support them in any way is another. My X, over the last 6+ years has done all of these things, but he is still their dad. My husband, like you, is there for EVERYTHING, but he is still not thier dad. My X is. And my X, regardless of what kind of a parent he is or isn't, will always be their dad. If somehow mom's rights get terminated, or she signs them away, most likely, as the child ages, she will still want to know about the woman who gave birth to her and walked out shortly thereafter. I wish you luck because I know the heartache my X has caused our children, but I also know that I can't deny his involvement in their lives when he wants it. I don't find it fair to the kids in any way, but it is what it is.

--------------------
I tried being normal once. Worst five minutes of my life.


Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
4Summer
veteran
**

Reged: 07/14/09
Posts: 1508
Re: what do you tell a child [Re: lovely22]
      #565279 - 08/11/09 06:48 AM

Maybe you can be called by a different name other than "mommy". The only example I can think of right now is one in a friend of mines situation. She has a child where the dad isn't involved that much, just here and there. But dad is still reserved to him, b/c afterall he is and will always be dad. She remarried and the child refers to the step dad as "big daddy".

I know "big daddy" wont work in your case, but I'm sure you catch my drift. If she calls you mommy, just correct her gently and say your are Ms. so and so.

You state that your boyfriends ex has only been out of the picture for the past 8mths.......which means, you have only been in the picture for less than 8mths. That is not a long time at all. Anything could happen, you don't want to be a second "mommy" out of this childs life. So my advice is to just have her refer to you as who you are, and leave it at that.

--------------------
"Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence"


Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
mommyof9
old hand
*

Reged: 10/04/08
Posts: 1176
Re: what do you tell a child [Re: 4Summer]
      #572184 - 08/31/09 12:42 PM

I wouldn't want to be called "Big Mommy"!!!!

--------------------
Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.


Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
4Summer
veteran
**

Reged: 07/14/09
Posts: 1508
Re: what do you tell a child [Re: mommyof9]
      #572241 - 08/31/09 03:48 PM

[quote]I wouldn't want to be called "Big Mommy"!!!! [/quote]


--------------> Teehee! Yeah, that might not be such a good name. LOL

--------------------
"Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence"


Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Pages: 1



Extra information
0 registered and 0 anonymous users are browsing this forum.

Moderator:  dsAdmin 

Print Topic

Forum Permissions
      You cannot start new topics
      You cannot reply to topics
      HTML is disabled
      UBBCode is disabled

Rating:
Topic views: 3124

Rate this topic

Jump to

Contact Us Divorce Source Home

*
UBB.threads™ 6.5.1.1


Resources & Tools
Start Your Divorce Online Start Your Divorce
Several Options to Get Started Today.
Divorce Tools Online Divorce Tools
Keeping it Simple to Get the Job Done.
Divorce Downloads Download Center
Instantly Download Books, Guides & Forms.
Divorce and Custody Books Discount Books
Over 100 of the Best Divorce & Custody Books.
Negotiate Online Negotiate Online
Settle your Divorce and Save.
Custody and Support Tracking Custody Scheduling
Make Sure You Document Everything.

Easily Connect With a Lawyer or Mediator
Have Divorce Professionals from Your Area Contact You!
Enter Your Zip Code: