NHMomandSM
journeyman
Reged: 06/06/09
Posts: 89
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Here is the situation in a nutshell, please no bashing because I am a stepmom. My stepdaughter (age 6)'s mom has joined the army and is giving up full custody of the child to my fiance. The mom wants her father (child's grandfather) to have one full weekend every month to visit with the child.
My fiance has no issue with keeping mom's family involved with the child. He will not deny visitation, however he wants to keep it at his discretion.
The grandfather has hardly been around the child and the child has never spent a night with the grandfather, nor has he ever cared for her without her mother present. The grandfather was not an active father with his children, and the mom and grandfather have just started a relationship in the past year and a half to two years.
So my stepdaughter only sees her grandfather a handful of times each year, with her mother and other family around. Is my fiance being unreasonable by saying he will not allow his 6 yr old to have overnights every month with a man she doesn't know very well?
He has not said he will never allow overnights, but would like to build up to that with the grandfather proving he will be consistent in the child's life first. He offered one full Saturday every month and then possibly the grandfather could ask for a weekend once in a while.
Mom says grandfather will sue and have a lawyer (we have never used lawyers in our 5 year custody battle), we say let him, he has no proven relationship with the child and we feel the judge will side with my fiance and that he really is looking out for her best interests. Do you agree, or do you think the grandfather could win one full weekend every month? (we live in NH, there are 'grandparents rights' but usually for an established relationship such that the grandparent was a primary caregiver or a parent and child lived with the grandparent)
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6481
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Legally, I am not sure where you stand, but morally I think your husband's plan is reasonable and I hope it works out for you.
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christine1
addict
Reged: 04/21/08
Posts: 439
Loc: Ma
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I would let him take you to court!
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NHMomandSM
journeyman
Reged: 06/06/09
Posts: 89
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Thank you for your responses! We are not worrying about the grandfather at this point, he actually dropped my SD off with us a few weeks ago-something he has never done before and after, SD referred to him as "that man that dropped me off" (mom let her come home early bc grandfather was there at SDs bday party and would be driving by the meeting place on his way home). And so my fiance talked with him briefly saying he knows he wants to see SD once mom leaves and he has no problem with that. My fiance gave the grandfather his number and said to call anytime he wants to see her, even before mom leaves (we live closer to him than mom does).
So we figure we covered our bases with that, it is left up to him to contact us if he wants to see SD, we opened the door.
Now, if only mom cared enough to get custody straightened out before she leaves...
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Maury
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 8146
Loc: This Asylum --->
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Try mediating the issue. A step up plan makes sense
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