Really_Tired
recently joined
Reged: 07/29/09
Posts: 22
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So where to begin...
My current wife and I have come to a conclusion on divorce. Though we aren't doing anything legally until I get out of Iraq. After the arguements resided, we discussed everything that happened and realized we'd gotten married for all the wrong reasons. Neither of us really wanted to be married at the time, but we tried to make it work for our son. We weren't even together when he was conceived. I was hurting for about a week until I started really opening my eyes. So yeah...we'll be working out custody issues after deployment.
I say all that to say this. Through ever-so-growing internet chatting, I met someone. Obviously there is no physical connection from across the world, but there's this connection I've never experienced before. It's great I admit, and sometimes eerie as even being through 2 marriages, I've just never connected with someone like this before. Before "connection" is stereotyped, it's not speaking in fantasy romance quoting cheesy novels to impress each other. The other day I had some down time and we literally talked for 10 hours straight about everyday things and it was just clicking left and right. She lives 20 minutes from where I'm going back to after deployment, is a fellow parent, and independent.
Now I mean it when I say I'm not in an emotional slump right now as I was never really emotionally involved with my current wife.
Is this healthy or hazardous? If you guys have any similar experiences, please let me know. Thanks.
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nolonger
enthusiast
Reged: 09/15/08
Posts: 305
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The fact that you are asking the question, to me, makes it healthy. You seem to recognize that you're not in a rebound position. However, legally, there may be ramifications depending on your state. Also, there may be domestic ramification as your ex could point the finger at you having an emotional affair while still married. This could hurt you in your community, finding a job, friends and even family accepting you back after your tour in Iraq.
I agree that it's possible to connect with someone in the way you described. Please know that you don't truly know someone for at least 18 months. Don't use this new person as the band aid for your broken marriage.
Lastly, look at your history. Why would this be your 2nd or 3rd divorce???? I know life in the military is tough but...
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Really_Tired
recently joined
Reged: 07/29/09
Posts: 22
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Both spouses leaned on the decision to call it quits while I was deployed overseas. I've actually gotten used to it.
Stating the amazing connection doesn't mean I'll be jumping the gun. Like I had said she knows the situation and we're keeping it more or less casual.
Hawaii (where the divorce will be taking place) is a no- fault state. However, the military is not no-fault; which is why I've chosen to keep it quiet. It doesn't matter if the non-military spouse has a gang of kids with someone else during the marriage. If the service member has an affair he/she is subject to punishment by restriction, loss of rank, and withholding of pay. Those are risks I can't afford to take for my son's sake.
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yregna
veteran
Reged: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
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Have you ever tried just being alone for a while ? What is it with people who NEED someone around, what the heck is sooo hard about being alone.
Get a hobby, not another relationship. Are you trying to set a record for divorces while deployed ?
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"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..."
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"
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BeachBabeRN
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/16/06
Posts: 3028
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
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That is the BEST advice I've seen in a long time -- I completely agree.
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1004SRS
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 12/11/06
Posts: 5044
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Why don't you relax. Get to know your son. Get to know yourself. You don't have to be in a relationship.
Getting to know your son is a big one. Spend time with just him. You have no idea how much your involvement with him will affect his life.
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CuriousGeorge
enthusiast
Reged: 01/15/09
Posts: 216
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If you have to ask this question, then you already know the answer. Dont you?
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You never know someone until you divorce them.
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d2njti
member
Reged: 03/05/08
Posts: 187
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I’m still fascinated about not being together when your son was conceived. Is this a medical miracle?
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