John_Fender
recently joined
Reged: 09/16/09
Posts: 4
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Found Out that a few years ago My wife was Blowing a few guys at her work
at the time we were Not on the best of terms but we were still married
one of the guys is a cohersive person that like to see other people fail and other marraiges
She does not see them or talk to them at all anymore
Do I forgive?
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losingfaith
addict
Reged: 01/26/09
Posts: 630
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That’s something you need to ask yourself; but if you want to save you marriage you will need to. If not prepare for a divorce because without forgiveness the bitterness will build and build until it consumes everything.
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Standing above the crowd he had a voice that was strong and loud
Edited by losingfaith (09/16/09 08:48 AM)
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John_Fender
recently joined
Reged: 09/16/09
Posts: 4
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I'm just looking for someone to say it's ok to forgive her i think
I want to the past few years she has been Kinda cold like something is wrong but she was not that good but she was there for my kids almost like the marraige was on hold I cought her on a Im with her friend saying that she wanted to tell me so she can move on
Now that she told me it's better than ever she is smiling again and happy to see me
I think I want to but I dont want it to bubble up again
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losingfaith
addict
Reged: 01/26/09
Posts: 630
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It is ok to forgive and who ever told you its not, is wrong!!!
I know it’s not easy to do but not imposable.
I'm willing to bet you think "man if I forgive I’ll only be sending a message that she can do things like this again…"
am I right?
You say you want too, so then why not just do it?
If that is “TRULY” what you want then you have to let it go and not just a little bit, not just till you can use it against her in a fight, but forever!!!!
You have to put it behind you and never bring it up again.
I have a hard time doing that (I hope your not like me because my wife has left me because of this very reason)
I see a councilor because I can't seam to let go of things on my own
My best advice is…
Do some deep thinking and consider your true feelings. Ask yourself the really hard questions. Once you have some answers, and then make your decision.
If you decide to forgive then do it and never look back.
Personally I think forgiveness is the way to go because if you can’t learn it now it will more then likely carry over into every relationship you have after this one including friendships.
if you find that you truly want to but can't find the way to do it yourself then seek some counseling
there is nothing wrong with asking for help
Best of luck to you and may your heart and your head find the path to forgiveness
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Standing above the crowd he had a voice that was strong and loud
Edited by losingfaith (09/16/09 02:54 PM)
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Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 5881
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One thing I have learned is that forgiveness is more for you than the other person. I have forgiven for things so that I could find peace within myself. You need to find that peace to move on. Forgiveness doesn't always mean acceptance. You will also have to ask yourself if you can accept what happened to be able to move forward.
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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losingfaith
addict
Reged: 01/26/09
Posts: 630
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very true Debi
excellent point
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Standing above the crowd he had a voice that was strong and loud
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losingfaith
addict
Reged: 01/26/09
Posts: 630
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one last thing to add judging from the words you used in your first post I would have to think there is some animosity twords her?
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Standing above the crowd he had a voice that was strong and loud
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cyber_green1
journeyman
Reged: 06/07/09
Posts: 76
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I agree forgivness is for you it comes from the heart and helps you heal.
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just sorta rambling, dont take my word for it I'm mostly wrong.
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shortmarriage
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 12/07/08
Posts: 1673
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Forgiveness works wonders.......
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John_Fender
recently joined
Reged: 09/16/09
Posts: 4
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I think I am going to try to forgive her the best I can she has pretty much put it all behind her becouse she has been dealing with the guilt for about 4 1/2 years
I'm going to put it to Being stupid and young I have been married to her for 10 years and were 31 and we have 2 kids she claims that she was not in the right mind when she did it she didnt know what she wanted but know she knows how much she loves me and wants to be with me So i'm going to work it out
For the animosity part If i know she was doing that I would have gotten on a few dates myself but I turested her that she would never do that that is what is pissing me off more that what she did I was 26 a dad always watching my kids becouse she was to tired to do anything and so goes and does this If she did that to me we would have be fine
Stupid being young
Thank you for your help
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