hiilwaw
recently joined
Reged: 08/13/09
Posts: 18
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My husband left me for another woman he met online several months ago. They only met once in person. Now he lives 2100 miles away. The last few months they were planning their wedding.
Do these relationships really last? I don't understand how someone can "fall in love" with someone online. Anyone can be anyone and anything online so how does that make it real?
If anyone can please give me an answer I would really appreciate it!! He has been gone for almost 3 weeks and it hurts as much today as the day he left!! I don't know if I will ever get over this!!
Thank you
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BeachBabeRN
old hand
Reged: 01/16/06
Posts: 783
Loc: Virginia
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Hi again hiilwaw --
The simple answer to your question is sure, they work out all the time. Sometimes, when one partner in a marriage wants something different, they go out and find it, divorce their former spouses and are very able to move on.
What you can or will not get over is something different. I find it discouraging to live my life just hoping that someone will come back, I can't do that, I'm worth more than that. I've done my share of begging to restore a marriage and all I got in return was more lies. At some point, you realize that **I did** and start moving on.
Does it hurt? Oh H&LL YES, it hurts. Does it stop hurting? AT some point, that I haven't really found yet.
While it was my DH that moved out, I've accepted my share of the responsibility for the demise of our relationship -- at one point, he acknowledged that he did a lot of things wrong also. Would he say those same things today? I don't know, I doubt it.
I'm not sure where the sense of self righteousness and self importance is generated from in spouses that leave. It's as if they have to profess to the world that they have a reason for leaving and then have to shout it all over.
The fact that your STBX was able to move, set up housekeeping and start planning a wedding says to me that this is no new issues, this has been in the works for a LONG time. Longer than you know.
It will continue hurting as long as you keep picking at any scab that's trying to form. You've already started doing for yourself. You're redoing the house, exorcising him from it.
Short of putting him on a choke chain if he decides to come back and then controlling his every movement? There's not much hope of him coming back to you -- who in their right mind would WANT to come back to that?
Why would you WANT him to come back? To hurt you again? In my mind, anyone that can do what he's done has ZERO credibility. He gets ZERO trust. That's a hard way to live. I couldn't forgive OR forget -- so what's the point of having him back?
You need to start getting ON with it, girl -- he's renting too much space in your brain -- evict the b@stard. His chippy doesn't know what kind of life she's in for when he chooses to do this to her.
What he did was CHOOSE. He CHOSE her. It is what it is.
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Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken.
Evanescence
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hiilwaw
recently joined
Reged: 08/13/09
Posts: 18
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Hi BeachBabeRN,
Nice to hear from you again.
One thing I do know from talking to him is that she doesn't trust him yet. She has to listen to all his phone conversations when he calls anyone from here or with me. She doesn't trust that he won't talk about her. He still says that he misses me and still loves me, will always love me. But I think he is saying these things for my benefit only. I just can't imagine him as my STBX. I still love and probably will always love him. He was my ONE.
As far as coming back, I don't know. At this point I would take him back but it would have to be on my terms. Later down the road, I don't know. I do know one thing: I will NEVER get in a relationship again where I give my heart completely to anyone. It hurts too much; not worth it. I can't go thru this again.
I start seeing a new therapist today; hope this one is better than the rest. Hopefully she can help me move on. Because my life has been centered around my children and my husband for so long I don't have any friends nor do I know how to make friends. The few people I do know are tired of me saying the same thing over and over. I just want answers so that I can put the pieces together and complete the puzzle. I know that I will probably never have the answers to all of my questions. With my personality and the way my head works I need to put the puzzle pieces together so that I can breathe. I am like that with most everything. I just don't understand these "internet relationships" how they could work when you really don't have any idea who the other person really is.
Anyway, thanks again BeachBabeRN. Hopefully I will be able to move on in the near/not so near future.
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BeachBabeRN
old hand
Reged: 01/16/06
Posts: 783
Loc: Virginia
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Well, you really didn't know who your husband was, did you? Did you EVER believe him capable of doing something like this?
And you've had him in person for a long time.
I'm confused -- you say you'd take him back on **your terms** but in the next sentence, you say you'll NEVER give your heart to someone completely again. Whatever your terms are, if you're holding your heart back, the price is too high.
I answered your PM by the way.....;o)
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Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken.
Evanescence
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AloneInTheDark
member
Reged: 08/04/09
Posts: 136
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I dont know the answer to the relationship question. I only know of of 1 person that actually did that. Left his wife and went to the girlfriend for a year he "met" playing an internet game. Then got back together with the wife when he realized that, in his words, marriage and loving is a choice" and he decided the best choice was to be with his wife.
Now he did say also that now he has to be very careful because they are both more suspicious of each other which is understandable. Apparently his wife was having an affair with her boss at the same time he was with the girlfriend.
The question is IMO, how well do you get to know someone on the internet? Its just like talking on a phone IMO. You never really know whats on the other end really unless you spend time with them in real life. Then there is always the same chance that you will not be compatable or just not be satisfied with each other as any other way of meeting.
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AloneInTheDark but life goes even without being a Dad any more.
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