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Kar1958
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Reged: 09/22/09
Posts: 17
Building self confidence back up
      #583977 - 10/01/09 08:49 AM

How do I re-build my self confidence back up in a new relationship? I was put through the ringer in my divorce and second quess myself and my boyfriends feelings? help

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christine1
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Reged: 04/21/08
Posts: 439
Loc: Ma
Re: Building self confidence back up [Re: Kar1958]
      #584747 - 10/03/09 07:30 AM

Hi,

That is normal. Time will make things better............As long as he is good to you and appreciates you all these things should come back. Good Luck!


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timbuktu
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Reged: 09/26/09
Posts: 77
Re: Building self confidence back up [Re: Kar1958]
      #584850 - 10/04/09 03:30 PM

I know exactly what you mean regarding learning how to trust again. I've done a little bit of dating and it turned out to be nothing but a nightmare since it seems most men just want something more "casual". That's definately not for me!! I have met a really nice guy that's willing to take it slow so I'm just going to see what happens with it.

It's just really scary after you've been in a relationship/marriage for a really long time, given it your all..know everything about the person including family, mutual friends, etc., only to start all over again. We've been separated since January and he's been living with this girl in California since then, but has since moved back to my hometown. He's since gotten his own apartment and rumor has it that she's going to be joining him the end of October so that they can get married...but we haven't even filed any papers yet so I don't know how that's immediately possible.

It's been a long road to hoe..many tears later..and I'm on all sorts of meds to keep my sanity. On top of all that, due to the economy I'm finding it hard to find employment so most of the time, out of boredom, all I wanna do is sleep all day and then I'm up all night watching tv when there's nothing on but stupid infomercials.

UGH!! When does life start getting better??


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AloneInTheDark
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Reged: 08/04/09
Posts: 179
Re: Building self confidence back up [Re: timbuktu]
      #585358 - 10/06/09 09:22 AM

I am sure it will take time. If I get the divorce (decided to fight it since MS is a cause state and that is one sure way of not losing my kids since I was not "cruel and inhumane" to her, she just wants to be single to do what she wants with other men) I know it will take me a long while not to wonder if the women I meet/date will do the same thing to me that my current wife has done. I almost wish I had been "cruel and inhumane". At least I could accept it easier that the marriage should end.

If it comes to that, I will learn to trust again or I will be forever one of those looking for "casual" relationships only.

I am a simple man in some ways. I meant my wedding vowels and it will forever bother me that she decided she only meant then until she got bored after we were married somewhere between the 16-17 year point. Then decided that the only effort she wanted to put in was to break up the family, not get unbored and closer together again.

How will I know the next woman I like/fall in love with, wont do the same thing? I am an optimistic and think that someday, I will get to that point but am not truly sure if I can or not to be honest.

--------------------
AloneInTheDark but life goes even without being a Dad any more.


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AloneInTheDark
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Reged: 08/04/09
Posts: 179
Re: Building self confidence back up [Re: timbuktu]
      #585370 - 10/06/09 09:43 AM

It's been a long road to hoe..many tears later..and I'm on all sorts of meds to keep my sanity. On top of all that, due to the economy I'm finding it hard to find employment so most of the time, out of boredom, all I wanna do is sleep all day and then I'm up all night watching tv when there's nothing on but stupid infomercials.

UGH!! When does life start getting better?? [/quote]

I play Everquest 2 myself. Keeps me busy, I can talk people ect. Of course if you started that its best on a non dial up connection, you will have to buy the game, and then pay like 16 dollars a month for a subscription fee.

It can be addicting. Just dont let the people that play become more important to you then your responibilities.
If you do decide to try it to pass the time, choose Befallen server and in your chat window type /t Oakum. That is my normal character I am on. I can get you in my guild and answer most questions about the game and give you some in game money to help you out too. There is also a free trial you can sign up for at everquest2.com

Just something that can keep you busy in the day so that you can be tired enough to sleep at night. Just dont let it become your life. Yes, there is some "immaturity" from a lot of men and some women that play. Even though its player populations tends to be much older (mid 20's to 30's) then say WoW (world of warcraft).

--------------------
AloneInTheDark but life goes even without being a Dad any more.


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empty_inside
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Reged: 10/14/09
Posts: 7
Loc: Alberta, Canada
Re: Building self confidence back up [Re: AloneInTheDark]
      #588196 - 10/14/09 05:54 PM

It takes time. I dated a couple women in the first 6 months after separation, but that was a disaster. Since then I've been alone for over a year. I realized that if I wasn't with my ex to get away from infidelity, why would I put up with it in a casual gf?? There just isn't any stigma attached to dishonesty so it's rampant. I guess it's impossible to guess when it's been long enough to adjust to ur new situation.

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cssis4you
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Reged: 09/30/09
Posts: 21
Re: Building self confidence back up [Re: empty_inside]
      #589986 - 10/20/09 11:40 AM

My wife left me after an affair. Talk about destroying your self-confidence. I don't know the answer to your question, but I can tell you this. There ARE nice guys out there. I'm one of them. I always treated her with respect and kindness. That's the way I would treat anyone. I'm sure I'm not the only guy out there who feels the way I do. I know lots of them are looking for something "casual." Don't go for that. That's the first sign of selfishness. Keep looking. They must be out there.

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myheart
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Reged: 05/21/09
Posts: 213
Re: Building self confidence back up [Re: cssis4you]
      #590241 - 10/20/09 10:52 PM

My husband did everything right during courting, everything, 100% gentleman, talk softly, very loving, caring person, I trusted him 100%, we got married, and things changed. Today sitting alone, I have serious doubt about my ability to understand a person. I am educated and thought I was very smart, I thought I knew right from wrong, so how come I didn't see a true side of him. So even if there are nice guys are out there, how will I know who is really nice and not putting an act month after month. My stbx was a true nice guy. It is very cofusing. I am one commited type of person, one man type of gale. Afraid to take chance anymore.

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