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timbuktu
journeyman
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Reged: 09/26/09
Posts: 77
Re: How fast do "older" relationships go? [Re: nolonger]
      #584366 - 10/01/09 11:44 PM

Well, I'll tell ya this...there are some relationships that just go a little too far a little too soon.

I met this guy last Thursday..gave him my number and we met for a Packer game at his local bar. Had a great time together when all of a sudden, I went to the bathroom and he leaves me this note, "I really like you..."

#1 turn off!!

I sort of ignored it..put the note in my purse and a little while later he says to me, "I love you.."

I couldn't get out of there fast enough!!

So all week he's been sending me these text messages saying, "Good morning my love"..."Whatcha up to my love"...I really like you my love" and I just wanna vomit!!

My love.....ugh...it's like...get real!! We had one freaking date and you're all in love with me??

The guy doesn't even know me!!

I haven't returned a single one of his text messages..nor none of his calls. His calls are okay as he says, "Didja fall off the face of the earth...whatcha doing tonight..etc...but he's already turned me off with this love you...my love [censored] that I can't stand to even HEAR from him!!

Anyone have any advice as to let a guy down easy except for simply continuing to ignore his phone calls??

He's a nice guy and wants to spoil me rotton (obviously!)...and it would be nice to be with someone like that..but he's turned me off soooooo badly with his love crap that everytime he texts me with the [censored]...I just slam my phone shut and roll my eyes!!

Any advice as to not be rude but to let the guy down easy??

I've got enough crap in my life right now and to me..he seems like he'd be just be a puss dripping rash in my life that would never understand that I'm independant and want to be with me all the time!!

Am I just running scared?? Should I let this guy in? Or should I just move on and try to find someone that's a little less "needy"?


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timbuktu
journeyman
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Reged: 09/26/09
Posts: 77
Re: How fast do "older" relationships go? [Re: Bobby44]
      #587299 - 10/10/09 07:59 PM

I know how you feel as..after a 23 year relationship and a 14 year marriage...he moved out to be with a woman he'd been messing around with behind my back for quite awhile.

I hybernated for 6 months..cried my eyes out..went through counseling....was put on antidepressants and anxiety meds....I was just a mess!!

I honestly didn't think I'd ever meet someone that I loved ever again and just resigned myself to being alone for the rest of my life..as it was easier than going out there and just "waiting" for someone to fine me.

Well, love found me and I've known this guy for two weeks. He's already told me he's in love with me...wants me to move in with him..and rent out my house.

No go!

Again...he treats me soooo well and I love it BUT....I've learned the hard way not to move too fast.

I truely do love him as we get along soooo well!! Never had a guy actually want to chat about his day with me...talk to me about his family...sit down at the kitchen table and share a cup of coffee, etc. He treats me like a queen and I can't imagine how I got so lucky to find such a great guy...

Everybody has their vices though and although he's asked me to move in with him...take care of all the idiosycracis of my current home...wants to marry me, etc....I had no choice but to tell him to please slow down.

After being in a crappy marriage..it's easy to fall. I can't say that I don't believe in his love for me..because I do...I'm just applying the brakes a little bit simply because I really want this..and spending too much time together in the beginning is just asking for disaster down the road.

So..we're taking our time..it's tough because I miss him everytime we're apart...but it needs to happen. Loving someone can be soooo easy..but falling out of that love when you jumped in to quicky with both feet....it's just a recipe for disaster.

Hope I helped and you continue on your road to happiness.


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Annie7676
old hand
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Reged: 06/05/05
Posts: 863
Loc: NY
Re: As fast as you set the pace...... [Re: nolonger]
      #587314 - 10/11/09 07:37 AM

Every relationship and person is different...all I can say is live in the moment and enjoy the relationship and watch out for red flags...in the beginning we tend to miss them or not see areas that could become issues...

I was with my X for almost 30 yrs, met a guy after being solo for about 5 yrs and have been seeing him for about 3 yrs. He is a nice guy and treats me well and we have fun. The rules of the game are different with subsequent relationship and it depends on where we are. Some of us have already had kids, have jobs and we may be looking for different things such as companionship. Having gone through divorce we may not be looking for marriage again but a committed life partner or just someone to hang with. Our approach to a relationship is probably far more different than when we were younger.

However, we all bring baggage into the relationships, thats usually what can screw it up. I have had to recognize that nothing is forever, and my jaded outlook now shows me still that with these subsequent relationships if the going gets tough most of the people will just leave...having recognized that it may make some of us be on guard...try to refocus just on the moment, the day rather than 4ever after.

At the end of the day, we really only have ourselves to rely on. I know that sounds terribly cynical but thats where I am with a new/subsequent relationship...have fun, enjoy it, be happy and not put anything else out there except that.


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timbuktu
journeyman
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Reged: 09/26/09
Posts: 77
Re: How fast do "older" relationships go? [Re: Bobby44]
      #604037 - 11/25/09 08:33 PM

You sound like my current boyfriend as he's dancing between our current relationship and his recent divorce with 4 boys to support on child support.

Take care of your business BEFORE you move on and get serious simply because..in the long run..you're gonna hurt the new person that probably would have been good for you..and once you do that..things will never be the same.


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fossilman
newbie


Reged: 10/25/09
Posts: 27
Re: How fast do "older" relationships go? [Re: timbuktu]
      #608735 - 12/07/09 10:36 PM

I'm still a couple months away from finally being divorced, I will have custody of all 3 kids, my ex wont fight it because they will be in the way of her mid life crisis she doesn't know she's having. I'm 42, married for 19 years, and cant see myself dating or even looking until my 13 yr. old is in college. I have kids to finish raising, I would feel guilty using my free time to go dating. I say finish raising the kids first. I'm also hoping the extra time will allow me to stop judging the women I meet, and understand just because my ex burned me, all women are not like that.

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