Divorce Source: Hope Springs

I found out my wife of 14 years was having an affair about 6 weeks ago. The affair went on for about a year and a half before I finally discovered it. My own trust and faith in my wife is what helped her hide it from me, I never snooped in her purse or her cell phone, but when I did, I found out what was really going on. I thought we had a good relationship and we did for the majority of those 14 years. But the past year and a half she masked it so well, essentially living a double life. She was forced to have the affair during the day, when she was supposed to be at work... primarily during her lunch hour. We spent all of our evenings and weekends together with our kids. She continued to tell me she loved me, we were intimate, it wasn't a loveless marriage by any means. So I never saw this coming. Finally I started to notice changes. She became distant and vapid almost not present during our intimate moments. Of course being the guy I blamed myself... figured I wasn't performing and this too could lead to arguments. She blamed verbal abuse and my alcohol consumption as things that made her unhappy. I primarily drank beer on weekends, never during the week. And although it wasn't every day, the alcohol abuse on weekends was enough to push her away. It's no coincidence that our worst fights (where verbal abuse was involved) happened on weekends.

The guy she was with is married and has two children with his wife. They are trying to mend their marriage as we are trying to mend ours. The affair seems to be over but it concerns me that it didn't die "a natural death" that it ended because it was discovered. Can that be enough? They were pretty into each other leading up to the discovery. My wife says it's over and sources tell me he feels the same way.

I was torn up the day I found out, but in the next few days I really started to focus on my marriage and my family. This seemed to help me get rid of the anger. Since then my wife and I have been in therapy and regularly attending church. It seems to be helping and we're becoming closer again.