Divorce Source: Is a bad sex life reason to split?

Has she always responded this way? Or is there a specific point in time you can look at and think that something changed at some point?

What you're describing may be associated with an affair of some type, whether emotional, physical or both -- menopause starting -- simple lack of interest after being together for so many years -- exhaustion from caring for two kids and a house all the time if she's a SAHM -- any number of things could be contributing to this.

I will say one thing though -- I find your approach to intimacy interesting -- **she won't give me oral sex or pleasure me in any way** I know I myself, at the tail end of a marriage and at certain times during it, have felt that it didn't matter what intimacy took place as long as my EX was satisfied. For example --

I had multiple surgeries during the course of my brief marriage to him and several very real physical ailments. The LAST thing I wanted to do was have sex of ANY kind. His feeling was **well, ya got three holes, one of them will work**

Yuck.....just yuck.

Mad me fell like a complete wh*re, as there was NO compassion for what I might be feeling and that I might just not WANT to do that while dealing with what I dealt with. He would offer to at least **do me** but that's not completely satisfying to me and it actually turned out to be rather frustrating.

While I'm NOT putting everything on you, perhaps being interested in her OUTSIDE the bedroom might make her feel differently? Perhaps just reaching for her to snuggle at night would help? Without the expectation of sex?

The biggest red flag to me is that she'll cover her face with a pillow so she doesn't have to look at you -- tells me she's doing it because she's EXPECTED to or FEELS that it is expected -- she turns you into someone without a name or face and gets through it.

Would therapy help? Don't know -- but it sounds like there's a lot more to be gotten through than a simple lack of time, lack of desire, etc. She also has to WANT to go to therapy.

I recall a gentleman I dated some time ago who would always talk about sex. There wasn't a conversation that didn't include SOMETHING about it. I felt pressured and inadequate, thinking I could NEVER measure up to his past. In addition, he thought that every time we were together, he was getting some -- and sometimes that just doesn't work for me. He ended up leaving......well, okay then. Your choice.

My point is that the more you make of this, the more monumental it will seem to get past -- but I will also say that if going to therapy simply to find out what your wife is thinking as regards to sex may backfire on you. Are you truly willing to hear what she might have to say? She at least agrees that she's putting up a wall but will you listen and hear WHY she might be doing that? Then to a terapist it is -- but you might be shocked at some of the things you hear.

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Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken.
Evanescence