bravo118
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Reged: 05/30/09
Posts: 11
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So SS and Daddy were watching "cops" and SS asks daddy, "have you been to jail?" We are having a problem with SS lying (alot) so he tells the truth. Yes and that it was because he got into fights. Then he asks about mommy, he said yes. SS want's to know what for he just said she did some bad things.
SS asks mommy that night on the phone and mom straight up lies. So after arguing with SS she wants to speak with daddy.
My husband kept his cool the whole time (I was very shocked because I could hear her loud and clear from across the room). He called her out on everything she tried to say. She didn't think it was his place to tell (and I understand that this can be argued both ways) He said he didn't want to lie and that we were teaching him not to and it wasn't fair that she could lie and he couldn't.
After over an hour and half conversation she then wants to talk to me about it, bringing up the custody papers about not saying anything bad about the other parent. I asked would you have told the truth and (1st) she said no he was too young to understand that she went to jail(he is 8) and he wouldn't understand until he was 17 or 18. Whether or not that maybe true, she wasn't giving her child any credit.
Then (later on) she said we don't know what she would have said (yes I do, you just said you'd lie and you did when he asked).
SO since she brought this up, I brought up that she's doing the same thing when she tells him he has two REAL daddys. Now she says she never told him that. I confronted her because she told me she did. (1st) it's what would we want her to say, that he's his daddy just like I'm his mommy, (just like we explained to him). He already understood (after we explained that your real dadddy has your last name) who his real daddy was and who his step daddy was. They just didn't want him to stop calling him "daddy". (2nd) He's too young to understand the difference. My friend has an 8 year old that understands all of this.
This just blew my mind how little credit (and little effort she would have put into explaining) she gives her child.
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d0b0vgall2020
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Reged: 05/06/09
Posts: 1334
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Why in the world would you talk to an 8 year old about his parents going to jail? If I were BM I would be FURIOUS!! Kids don't have the ability to process such things and the fact that you don't instinctively KNOW that is questionable.
My ex tried to sleep with his best friend's wife while me and the kids were in the house. That's why I made him leave. Do you think my kids didn't ask me what he did? Do you think I told them? Or EVER will? Your H can tell SS whatever he wants about himself but he has no right to talk to him about her. That's her decision and it looks like she makes better ones than he does.
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Edited by d0b0vgall2020 (06/21/09 11:20 AM)
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bravo118
recently joined
Reged: 05/30/09
Posts: 11
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I think if he knew to ask about jail, he had an idea. Plus there was no details, he said yes and the reason was she did bad things. He was there (age 4 when she was arrested) I'm sure there were a lot of questions then. And she does not make better decision, if she did she wouldn't have been cooking meth in her home where he children live, or using the same microwave to cook the meth as she does to cook the food. One of her other "good" decisions was to tell ss that his stepfather was his real father. She blaintly lie to the child.
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Sideways
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Reged: 11/02/09
Posts: 11
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I agree. Why would you disclose info about the other parent to an 8 year old child? Unless you guys are just trying to make her look bad? If she has done the things you say then the child will realize that in his own time. I do not discuss my ex husbands indiscretions with my children, and i never will. It is not your place or husbands place to tell the child things that he needs to hear from his mother. And if she chooses to not tell the truth to her kid, then let her deal with the outcome. You guys can continue to be honest all day long. But jail is an adult topic. From the time kids are little they are taught that bad guys go to jail. So wonder what you guys have made him feel about his mom? Even if she is a bad person dont you think he should come to the conclusion of that on his own? Not because you guys feel its your right to discuss that with an 8 yr old?
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d0b0vgall2020
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Reged: 05/06/09
Posts: 1334
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They were watching COPS. That's why he asked. if he doesn't remember her going to jail, it would have been better to keep it that way. There are lots of kids who have parents that make bad choices. Fortunately, some of us who are raising them have enough common sense to know that is all the more reason to REASSURE them about that parent as they are a part of THEM and if that parent is described as bad, it's the same as saying it about the kid.
You have no control over what she does or says to your SS, but you do have control over what is appropriate in your home.
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