lilgemini
recently joined
Reged: 11/04/09
Posts: 3
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First time here, I'll try to be brief. Have been divorced since my kids were 4 and 1, happily remarried. My kids are now 17 and 13, and over a year ago my conned me into a week to week placement schedule, and it was signed into the court; prior to that I had 67% placement, he had 10 overnights per month. My ex is remarried, and not only is HE emotionally abusive, she has slowly surfaced as becoming the primary abuser. She refers to my daughter as a "little sh*t", has called my son "f-ing lazy" and a barrage of other names. They constantly bad mouth me to them, and my kids are at their breaking point. I am in WI, which has the crappiest laws, stating children should have the maximum time with both parents. My kids both told me this week (after many tears) that they do not want to go back there. How can I "force" them to go at their age, yet if they don't go he can file a motion to find me in contempt of court! I don't have the money to file for 100% placement because I think the court would appoint a GAL again, and I would have to pay $1000 fee plus PROVE the emotional abuse. Why don't the kids have a say at their age? Or do they? I don't know what to do, I'm a wreck and I'm on the verge of taking my chances by being in contempt. I promised my daughter (13) I'd do anything, but I'm scared I'll make it worse. Thanks for reading.
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cincsu
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 3810
Loc: residence in AZ, case in CA
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you explain to the kids that you can be arrested and jailed if they do not go to their dad's house becuse that is what the court order requires you to do. then, i would seek counseling for the children to understand the real issues at hand here. it's a bit surprising that a GAL would have originally suggested such a high amount of parenting (33%) to an emotionally abusive couple.
could it be that the children would rather spend more time with their friends and are manipulating you into thinking something else is going on? and, with the 17 year old you may just let it ride the rest of the school year, as the 17 year old is probably close to graduating. it may not be worth it to address in court for that child because by the time you get the issue resolved he/she will no longer be a minor.
use the time between now and then to understand what is really going on with the 13 year old and save money in case you decide to pursue through the courts after other alternatives have been exhausted.
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wife of 1, mother of 1, stepmother of .3475902453
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elliesmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 5447
Loc: Virginia
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I would take your kids to see a counselor. If there are truly issues going on - they need the help and the counselor can be a huge aly for you should you decide to return to court. They MAY be able to equip your kids to deal with this childish nonsense so it isn't an issue.
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"I don't like piñatas. I think they promote violence against flamboyant animals."
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ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 4152
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Wondering why did they ask for 50/50 placement a year ago? Who conned you?
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There is a great need for a sarcasm font.
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Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 5881
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If the order has been in place for a year you aren't even going to get a court date without a major change of circumstances. Yes a GAL would be appointed, and yes at your children's ages their wishes will be considered but no they can't make the decision.
Actually WI is one of the most progressive states as far as custody goes, not the crappiest. They look at the best interest of the kids, not either parent, and in most cases eqaul time with both parents is the best thing. There are always exceptions and yes you will have to prove emotional abuse. Are they in counseling? What happened last year? If there was a GAL appointed before it doesn't sound as if you were conned, it's sounds as if a reccommendation was made to the courts in favor of 50/50.
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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lilgemini
recently joined
Reged: 11/04/09
Posts: 3
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The order is from 2006, and no, the GAL did not recommend 50/50, he recommended that the ex get 10 overnights per month. The only thing that changed a year ago is that exhole got married, and since we were doing 50/50 in the summer months, he wanted to "try" it all year round. So the original order did not change, but our Parenting Agreement did, and it was entered into the court and signed by the judge. My mistake was allowing it to be signed into the court, the language should have read that 50/50 was temporary trial. Yes, my children are in counseling, it was the least I could do for them. The saddest part is their father does not care about their wishes as he has laughed in their faces whwnever they mention they want to live with me full time. Ex only ambition in life is to make my life miserable.
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AloneInTheDark
member
Reged: 08/04/09
Posts: 136
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Kids can be very manipulative. Especially when they get the "sympathetic ear" from the one they are using to contolling. Then when they dont get what they want as much from that person, they want to hang out with friends who agree with everything they say as teenagers.
Just a devils advocate point of view.
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AloneInTheDark but life goes even without being a Dad any more.
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1and3make4
recently joined
Reged: 10/28/09
Posts: 17
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I too am in this situation. My ex had Child Protective Services called on him (by a witness) for slapping my child (a second time) and my daughter doesn't want to go back in fear he'll do it again. CPS closed the case as "bad parenting"...who dropped the ball on that?? Me and my ex went to a counselor and everything was dismissed about the "incident". The counselor told me that I am being "unreal" and over protective with the situation. In the state of Texas 12 years of age is when a child can voice if they do not want to go back. I'm sorry, but I believe that a child's concern should be warrented in an abusive (mental, emotional)relationship not matter what state your in..just because of the age shouldn't have anything to do with it. What if she is 18? Wouldn't the police see this as assault? Then so should a minor have the same rule...
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Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 5881
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If they are in counseling then it's possible that you can have the counselor testify to emotional abuse. Your problem is still going to be the fact that this order was only entered a year ago. Not enough time has gone by to bring a case without a major change of circumstance.
You were not conned, you signed something you didn't read properly and you're mad that you can't get out of it. Still not the state of WI fault. Especailly since you've just stated this was not an order but an agreement. Did the children have an opinion BEFORE you signed the changed agreement?
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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tfaye
recently joined
Reged: 11/16/09
Posts: 5
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my tweens are at an age where its friends above all. They dont want to be around their dad, he is verbally abusive and in a relationship with a woman who has appointed herself as the house decision maker. they despise her, she makes the rules , hands them to dad, all of this in front of them mind you, and he basically says , Yeah, what she said. one of my dd views her dad as, and i quote" it's like he just took us out into a field and walked a way & left us, why won't he help you take care of us? can't you make him pay for us?" this comes from my eleven yr old daughter.
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