merlot36
newbie
Reged: 11/05/09
Posts: 29
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I have a question.
My x husband and I share custody of my kids he has them 2 days on my weekend and 5 days on his weekend. My question is this...My children school requires you to order lunches a week in advance.. The slip usually comes to my home on the first of the month.
I have been paying for the kids lunches during my parenting time and his..Is he not suppose to provide food and shelter for them while they are in his care? or do I have too?
Should i asked to be reimbursed for all the lunches I paid that he was to cover.
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googledad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 12/31/05
Posts: 10207
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Has child support been changed to reflect the new parenting plan ?
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Careful. We don't want to learn from this.
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merlot36
newbie
Reged: 11/05/09
Posts: 29
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No not yet
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Cassie23
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/07/05
Posts: 14714
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So do you get more or less CS then you should if it reflected the real parenting time?
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googledad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 12/31/05
Posts: 10207
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You pay till CS is changed .
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Careful. We don't want to learn from this.
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Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20058
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"Should i asked to be reimbursed for all the lunches I paid that he was to cover."
Out of curiosity, how much money are we talking about per month?
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Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7136
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My thought would be if you are getting CS then you should pay it. If there is no CS and expenses are split completely between homes then it should be split. If CS is the process of being changed now that he has 50/50 then you should continue to pay but let him know when the change is made he will need to pay one month and you will pay the next.
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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Avaya
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 02/09/06
Posts: 9816
Loc: Arkansas
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Oh good gravy, pay the kids lunch money without complaint for crying out loud.
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Eternity is too long to be wrong.
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Avaya
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 02/09/06
Posts: 9816
Loc: Arkansas
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What *new* parenting plan?
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Eternity is too long to be wrong.
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googledad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 12/31/05
Posts: 10207
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What *new* parenting plan?
>>>>>> The father was recently awarded 50/50 against her objections , CS hasn't been changed to reflect the new parentng plan .
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Careful. We don't want to learn from this.
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merlot36
newbie
Reged: 11/05/09
Posts: 29
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Well I would not mine paying for the lunches. However he nickel and dimes me for any expenses he incurs on behalf of the children that is school related.
My original custody was one thu and then thu to Sun...Even when this was the case which was 6 months ago. The father did not pay for the childrens lunches during his parenting time. Now we changed parenting time to because he claims to want to spend additional time with the kids. Hence the new schedule. I just finish doing a CS modification but it has not been process.
There is CS..but is that not to help balance the expenses in both household. For the kids clothing, shelter and food at my home. He makes way more money than I do...Why can he pay for lunches when they are in his care...
Does that mean that I am to provide his household with food for my children because he pays child support?
So child support mean what? that you as the parent who is receiving the money has to provide clothing, food and any necessaties that the children need to the other parents household because once they pay child support they are not responsible for any expenses outside of that. Not even lunch for their kids in school?
I beleive if it was the other way around I would be taken into court and been crucified. She gets money but she is not providing lunches for the kids. Isnt this the same scenario?
Edited by merlot36 (11/14/09 10:41 AM)
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Cassie23
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/07/05
Posts: 14714
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If your CS is based on the OLD schedule, and you have always paid their lunches, then continue to do so until the CS is changed to reflect the new parenting plan. When it does, I would tell your X what he owes for lunches and see if he can prepay (ahead to the school) for his time, as you will for yours. Or he can give it directly to you.
Edited by Cassie23 (11/14/09 11:01 AM)
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Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20058
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"Or he can give it directly to you. "
Sorry, but if the other party was here, my advice would be to pay the lunch money directly to the school.
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Sherron
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Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20058
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"I beleive if it was the other way around I would be taken into court and been crucified. She gets money but she is not providing lunches for the kids. Isnt this the same scenario? "
But, isn't this what you are proposing? To keep receiving the money and not provide lunches? If you are receiving cs based on the old order, during which you provided for all school lunches, then yes you should provide for all school lunches until that order is changed. Again, how much $$ are we talking about per month?
How do you feel about receiving cs based on you being the primary parent with most of the time, when the time is no split equally? I think that is the scenario, if I understood correctly?
"He makes way more money than I do..."
And?
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merlot36
newbie
Reged: 11/05/09
Posts: 29
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I am still confused...Sherron...What difference does it make on the past 6 months. I was receiving cs based on the dates that we had which were as I mentioned above....Thu- and Thu to Sun...That means I paid 4 lunches a month which means is about 78.00 for 6 months...
Iam now paying 8 lunches a month since the custody change which was changed in Oct...
I understand the part that you explain regarding the CS not being modified as of yet and that I am still getting CS based on a 68% instead of 50%. However what about the dates that have always been his dates were lunch has been cover by me.
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BeachBabeRN
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Reged: 01/16/06
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Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
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At that price, have you considered packing a lunch?
That's an awful lot of money for school lunches.
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Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20058
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"That means I paid 4 lunches a month which means is about 78.00 for 6 months...
Iam now paying 8 lunches a month "
So, you used to pay for 4 lunches at month, now pay for 8. It used to be $78 for those 4 lunches per month. That is $13 a month?? Personally, I wouldn't rock the boat over $13/month, especially if cs will be revised shortly anyway (right?).
"However what about the dates that have always been his dates were lunch has been cover by me."
But, you already set the precedent for that, chuck it up to lesson learned. When will cs be revised? When that happens, just make sure he understands that expenses occured during each parent's time will be born by that parent, including lunches. I would push to have wording to that effect in the cs order, if possible. Either way, a new cs order will be a good time to break the precedent you previously set.
You said he's nickeling and diming you. Can you give examples, and do you pay those?
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merlot36
newbie
Reged: 11/05/09
Posts: 29
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Oh yes I consider it...However when I do send lunch it becomes a matter of having to deal with the x husband not return back the lunch boxes back or dirty lunch boxes return to my household at some points the lunches were left in the boxes from Fri to Sun. The back and forth had become such a conflict. I opted to do the horrific expensive lunch and I forgot to times that by 2 children. So is double the cost
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Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20058
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"At that price, have you considered packing a lunch?
That's an awful lot of money for school lunches. "
Maybe I misread, but I understood it's $78 for 6 months worth of lunches, or $13 per month, for 4 lunches. That's $3.25 per lunch... for a hot meal, I don't think that's out of line?
Just a thought... but have you checked into the schools reduced and free lunch program? It's based on income, but many school websites list the guidelines, and you could see if you qualified? Or call the district office and ask what the income guidelines are?
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Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20058
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"at some points the lunches were left in the boxes from Fri to Sun."
In all fairness, that is your children's issue, not your ex's.
I might have missed it, but how old are the kids?
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merlot36
newbie
Reged: 11/05/09
Posts: 29
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But where do I add that to the CS...I was given a form to fill out with my expenses and that is all..Is that something addtional I need to add
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Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20058
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I'm assuming there will be a hearing? Ask for clarification during the hearing. There is a base amount, and then add ons, i.e. daycare, health insurance. Ask for clarification on the base amount, is this based on each parent carrying their own expenses during their individual parenting time, does this include school lunches, clothes, etc. You may want to ask for clarification on clothes as well; if it's 50/50, it would make sense for each household to have adequate clothing for the children, and the child only goes back and forth with the clothes they wear instead of packing a bag. But, just because it makes sense, doesn't mean you and ex will be on the same page. If a judge clarifies it, you have a point of reference, and it'll cut down on arguments. After the judge clarifies, ask to have it included in the order for future reference.
Also, I would advise you to address medical. Will each parent bear the expense during their time, or will you reimburse each other, based on income. If so, how will you address medical expenses you consider voluntary or unneccessary. We have a poster on the stepfamily board whose dh was nickeled and dimed into chiropracter expenses that didn't seem to serve any purpose, other than to drive the cost to the other parent up.
How about extra-curricular activities? Does the parent who decides on the activity bear the cost, even if part of the acticity takes place on the other parent's time? Or do you split it, according to income (and if so - try to find a reasonable limit to activities and a cap for cost... you don't want to set yourself up to pay a portion of 10 different activities a month...).
Bottomline, try to address as many potential issues as you can during that hearing, and ask for clarification from the judge. It will keep down disagreements and future trips to court later on. And again, request that the judge put his clarifications down on paper.
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Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
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I think it is a bit ridiculous to argue over 13 dollars. Neither my husband nor myself get any sort of CS and I cannot imagine either one of us would squabble over hot lunch.
We pay about $150 dollars a month for hot lunch for three kids.
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13.1...because I am only half crazy!
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Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20058
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"I think it is a bit ridiculous to argue over 13 dollars."
I wouldn't bring it up now, no. But I see nothing wrong with addressing all issues during the hearing. She says he's nickeling and diming her, she's got issues with lunch... why not get it cleared up byt the judge once and for all?
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rocketgirl
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/24/04
Posts: 8562
Loc: On the beach in 14 years...
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Holy crap.. our lunches are $1.75 in middle school and $2 in HS... $3.75 is outrageous.
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Lisa
Diplomacy - the art of telling someone to go to hell, and them looking forward to the trip.
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merlot36
newbie
Reged: 11/05/09
Posts: 29
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Yeah..I know..Is a freaking Catholic school..Everything is expensive..Is ridiculous...I have another issue that has come up...
Becuae the children wear uniform.My x husbnad has started this little game..of not returning the school clothes unless. I send him any casual clothes the kids may have come to my house with..Now this is the kicker...
I got an email..Where he asked for several items..I replied and informed him that I too needed my items. He demanded that I drop off his things on his porch and I expected my things to be on his porch at the time of drop off..When I got there there was nothing. Still I dropped off his things. One of the items that I needed was a pair of school shoes as I only have one pair in my household and my x has his own pair in his...This item was never dropped off until 10am on the day my son had to go to school. He went to school without his complete uniform.
I get a second email from x requesting halloween clothes from his house that the kids had left here in addition to other items in the body of the email he says that he knows that I will need the kids uniform for the week. therefore he will not return the uniform until I gather all his items and return. I informed him that he had still not given me the courtesy of returning any items from his first email and that thses items were his and I would have not any problem returning but why is he using the kids uniforms as collateral and threating not to return them unless I complied...
Well to make a long story short. The childrens uniform was not returned. On the morning of..I text him and asked why did he not dropped off the uniform. He text back claiming that the uniform was on his porch all day and why did I not pick it up. Never did he mentioned any of this to me...It is was now 709AM I am getting myself together trying to get the kids together to get to school on time...I kept texting him to understand that I am by myself I could not possibly leave my house and go get the uniform.He lives with his girlfriend (no kids)why did he not text me the day before or dropped off the clothes like I had on his porch.....
7:30AM came I ended up sending my daughter to school with an old uniform and holding my son back until I was able to pick up the uniform from his house.. mine you the uniform was dirty when I picked up. My son ended up going to school with a dirty uniform and he was late....
This back and forth with uniform has become a nightmare.
Today is Sunday..I expected that after all this he would of had the courtesy to send the uniforms in the kids backpack. Like I send them. I currently have no uniform for tomorrow...Right now I do not want to engage in a conflict with this individual... Is there anyway I can ask a judge that this manipulation needs to stop...
We are both suppose to provide uniforms for the kids. Yet he refuses to return what belongs to my household in a timely manner. creating havoc in the morning of school..
Advice please
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Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20058
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"My x husbnad has started this little game..of not returning the school clothes unless. I send him any casual clothes the kids may have come to my house with.."
So... unless you return "his", he won't return "yours"? Maybe I'm missing something, but that seems to make sense to me, no? Is it a "game", maybe, but honestly, it sounds to me that he's getting frustrated of not receiving clothes back his household purchased, and he's returning the favor.
How old are the kids?
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merlot36
newbie
Reged: 11/05/09
Posts: 29
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But that is the thing..I do return the clothes back...Even the uniforms..This guy has been trying to portray me in court as an alineating mom...Who likes to create issues for him.......
I know his game and I won't play it.I will not allow him to try and portray me as a vindictive x wife who tries to interfer in his life..... Therefore when he ask for items. I forward all of the clothes that are in my house. Believe me I do not want to deal with this psycho...
Yet I request for my clothes and my emails are ignore...I have now come to the point that I won't return any (casual)items until he does the same to me. The problem is that not only is he not returning my casual items. he is now holding the uniform that i need for school.
I make it a point to make sure uniforms are return as the kids need them to go to school and I don't want him crying to a judge claiming I am making life difficult for him.
However he is making life miserable for me and has no concern in holding back the kids uniform. even if it mean they do not attend school. I find this disturbing.
I have now lower myself to his level by holding back casual clothes which I have never done before. Until he sends me the items that belong to my household. I feel like I have no other choice.
Is childish and ridiculous but what other choice do i have...
My kids are 6 and 7
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Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20058
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I'm confused... the way it was worded above, it seemed like his withholding was in response to you not sending back casual clothes.
"My x husbnad has started this little game..of not returning the school clothes unless. I send him any casual clothes the kids may have come to my house with.."
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merlot36
newbie
Reged: 11/05/09
Posts: 29
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Sorry did not mean to confuse you....
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merlot36
newbie
Reged: 11/05/09
Posts: 29
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It would seem like that but If you read the body of the post..I say that He email me about forwarding clothes and I did...Yet I email him that same day and when i dropped off his request he did not do the same..
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c_jane
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1755
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
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When you go to court ask the judge to order each one of you to buy X # of uniforms for each house. And these would be the 'KIDS' uniforms -- not 'his' and 'hers'. And if they leaave one @ his house one trip, they should be wearing another uniform to your house on your time. So in theory you will have the same number of uniforms @ each house all the time.
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John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
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Sherron
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Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20058
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"And if they leaave one @ his house one trip, they should be wearing another uniform to your house on your time. So in theory you will have the same number of uniforms @ each house all the time. "
Well, that would work... if you had two cooperating parents.
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merlot36
newbie
Reged: 11/05/09
Posts: 29
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I agree with Sherron except that two should be one...He is not doing that. I am.So what happens is I run out of uniforms and them I am stuck. It sucks..
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Atlas
journeyman
Reged: 11/03/09
Posts: 80
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My ex and I have a similar custody arrangement as you, and the way we deal with school lunches is that we split the costs equally. We set up a google excel spreadsheet for all expenses that we share, and keep track of it that way. If the disparity gets too great, I just increase/decrease my child support payment for the following month accordingly.
If you both have 50/50 custody, he should be paying for school lunches while the children are in his care, unless the parenting plan states otherwise.
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merlot36
newbie
Reged: 11/05/09
Posts: 29
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No the parenting plan does not state any of that....That sounds good I will go ahead and do that. Thank you
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30210
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Okay, lets got SLOWLY, cause you are REALLY dense.
Kids wear clothes to YOUR house, you KEEP them. He has to ASK for them, and REFUSES to return the ones he has until you return the ones YOU kept.
So, YOU are the one causing the problem by NOT sending back the casual clothes. If you had returned them when you GOT them, you wouldn't have HAD this problem, or at LEAST would have him at a disadvantage.
Now, you will rant and rave about how this is WRONG to talk to you like this, but you simply will not LISTEN to anything else.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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ssmom79
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Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7784
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I don't nickel and dime because the other party does, I'm just not in the tit for tat business.
You would not be crucified for lunches if it was the other way around.
It's school lunches, don't apply it to every other meal or expense that your children have. If you think he should pay, then ask for it in the existing modification you are in the process of completing.
Kids go to school 20 days a month, it's average $2 a day for lunch, That's $40 a month. Seriously, if it's important, then make an issue of it, the worst thing that could happen is the judge orders you pay your days and he pays his days. Then you'll be hashing this out every single week, that'll be exciting.
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6462
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"Kids go to school 20 days a month, it's average $2 a day for lunch, That's $40 a month. Seriously, if it's important, then make an issue of it, the worst thing that could happen is the judge orders you pay your days and he pays his days. Then you'll be hashing this out every single week, that'll be exciting."
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Schools here went up on their lunch fees. By paying in advance, we get a dozen free lunches a year, but it sucked writing out those checks for $450 for each kid to pay for the school year. If I had 50/50 custody, I would want an ex to pay their half of the $900 I just shelled out.
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ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7784
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We have 50/50 and we don't pay for lunches but we do pay full CS as if we were EOW schedule. In our mind, we already paid for those lunches in CS so we won't pay again. BM never argued with that, in fact she rarely argues about anything concerning CS. I think she knows she's sitting high on the hog and she doesn't have a ladder nearby so she's just hanging on.
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merlot36
newbie
Reged: 11/05/09
Posts: 29
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It would be great..If it was two dollars but is 3.75 per lunch per child. I have two...It may seem insignificant to you but when I am running a household on a tight budget. It does make a difference. With 40 or more a month extra in my pocket I can take my kids to a movie or to the local zoo..Something we sometimes can not do because I am paying lunches that he should be covering.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30210
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...YOU are getting child support like you have the kids 68% of the time. You ONLY have the kids 50% of the time. So, you are getting EXTRA money as it is NOW, and you want MORE. You are being GREEDY.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7784
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I didn't say it was insignificant. I did say if it was important to you than you should address it. We all have to address what we feel is important.
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6462
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Just adding.....if CS is not based on the 50/50 and you are already getting paid CS to provide for the children's needs during that time period, it's only fair that you pay for the school lunches.
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