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hessie30
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Reged: 11/14/09
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Incarceration = NO CS order, not fair to our kid
      #599498 - 11/14/09 08:46 AM

I was awarded my divorce and full and sole custody of son today. His dad was incarcerated 3 months ago for some pretty serious crimes and I don't know if he will be taking a trip to prison or not at this point. The judge ruled that the child support and visitation issue would be put in abadance (sp??) until he gets out of jail. Who knows when that will be but until the meantime our son is to do what??? Why is it our fault that he decided to break crimes and is now in jail and oh let's reward him by not making him responsible for his child support because he is in jail for HIS bad decisions. I am angry he just gets away with the [censored] he does. Is this legal for this to happen?? Hell I guess it is, it just amazes me and right now I have a doggone headache from today I suppose. I thought at least the judge would impute minimum wage for 40 hrs. and make the order according to that even if he's not working. Him not working or making bad decisions is not my or son's fault or problem but we are the ones to pay for it. To be honest I am pissed that he was not orderd to pay but I got what I wanted the most important thing: Sole and full custody of son and the divorce.

He didn't ask to be brought over to the court house today and that was a bunch of rigamaro because he refused to sign the paper I took to him saying he realized their was a hearing today and he chose not to attend. SO the judge said for him to sign or he would be transported over there. Hell I don't know maybe he wanted a field trip of sorts since he's in one big pod. He was hostile to the guards at the jail telling them he knew about it and didn't want to talk about it; kinda like if I keep my eyes closed this won't be happening. He was shackled from head to toe and that was a sad sight for me. I really wasn't wanting to see him today but of course he will be an ass till the end. Not surprising. We are in SC so if anyone knows if there is a way to have a court order made with the parent in jail, please enlighten me. Hell I'll never be able to find and serve him again. He was dodging me in getting the divorce summons and when he went to jail I jumped on the chance to have him served. Why should he be excused from his responsibility because he is jailed???? Anyway if anyone has any words of wisdom or support I'm all ears!! :)


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gr8Dad
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Re: Incarceration = NO CS order, not fair to our kid [Re: hessie30]
      #599500 - 11/14/09 09:03 AM

While it is not your fault that he commited a crime, it would also be unreasonable to hold him to a level he CANNOT obtain. He will not make any money in jail, therefore he cannot pay anything.

--------------------
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...


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hessie30
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Reged: 11/14/09
Posts: 15
Re: Incarceration = NO CS order, not fair to our kid [Re: gr8Dad]
      #599502 - 11/14/09 09:18 AM

I don't think it would be unreasonable to have it collect on the books at the courthouse and he can catch up when he gets out. I think it's crazy to allow a parent to get away with not taking responsibility because they were stupid and landed themselves in jail. Heck for that matter he wasn't making any legal money the last year or so, no job, homeless. So if that's the case again when he gets out will it still be unreasonable to expect him to pay because he's homeless and has no job? It's not like I knew I would be getting CS from him but it's not fair that it's all on me for his bad decisions. I just see it as he got a free ride to shirk his responsibilities.

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BeachBabeRN
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Re: Incarceration = NO CS order, not fair to our kid [Re: hessie30]
      #599503 - 11/14/09 09:25 AM

Ummmmmm.............it would seem to me that you were the one that decided to have a baby with someone that was homeless and has no job. Did you think that he would magically just POOF become a responsible human being?

You're kidding me, right?

If there had been a support order BEFORE he went to jail, then arrearages would, in all likelihood, have started accruing when he went to jail. But to want to obtain an order for the sole purpose of having back child support pile up to a level that he probably won't ever be able to pay?

Strikes me as slightly.....malicious.

You said that he's been homeless for the last year -- wouldn't that seem to indicate that he doesn't care about himself, much less anyone else?

It's time for you to realize that you made a bad decision to have a child with this man and it's time for you to realize that you're going to be the one supporting your child.


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hessie30
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Reged: 11/14/09
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Re: Incarceration = NO CS order, not fair to our kid [Re: BeachBabeRN]
      #599507 - 11/14/09 10:08 AM

Listen [censored] I've been married to him for 18 years and he has had very good jobs and is capable of making money. He chooses not to because of his alcohol/drug isssues. Those along which HIS POOR DECISIONS have landed him there. There was no support order before because he couldn't be found to be served. I'm not being malicious I just want my son to have what's due to him from his father and for his dad to take some responsibility. By the way our kid is 14 yrs. old and his dad was not a worthless loser for many years.

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JennyLynn
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Re: Incarceration = NO CS order, not fair to our kid [Re: hessie30]
      #599516 - 11/14/09 10:22 AM

Unfortunately you really have no choice but to wait until he gets out of jail. Do you not have any idea how long his sentence is?

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Cassie23
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Re: Incarceration = NO CS order, not fair to our kid [Re: hessie30]
      #599528 - 11/14/09 10:58 AM


Listen [censored] I've been married to him for 18 years and he has had very good jobs and is capable of making money.
__________________________________________________________

Pretty. Anyway, he is capable of making money but not while he is in jail. I agree with gr8 how can they hold him accountable for something he is unable to even do because he isn't CAPABLE, given where he is?

I do wish there were programs in jail where they could work (in some way) and get paid...while that $$$ goes to CS.

The judge made this decision because it is considered 'fair' and 'just'. I would also assume it is the 'norm'.


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hessie30
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Reged: 11/14/09
Posts: 15
Re: Incarceration = NO CS order, not fair to our kid [Re: JennyLynn]
      #599530 - 11/14/09 10:59 AM

No I don't know what the outcome will be. He's been in there 3 months and hasn't even had a bond hearing yet!! Even though having one won't help him cause there is no one willing to bond him out so that doesn't help him much. He's gonna be there until he goes to trial or plea bargains or whatever. He does have a lawyer paid for by his brother because the sentences for his crimes range anywhere from 10-20 yrs. His lawyer told me he was trying to get him time served so I really have no idea what will become of this. i am still in comtact with him through letters. I'm not mad, it is what it is and he realizes I did what I had to do to protect son and I. He may be angry at himself but he knows I did what I had to do as far as the marriage goes. We are on decent terms and can still lay it all on the table with each other so it's not an angry, throat slashing divorce. I realize he's a lost and hurt person and needs to quit running from his problams like he has for so long. I do have compassion for him and the situtaion he's in but who has comapssion for what my son is not getting that he should be?? Certainely not the courts. He gets a free ride this time and to whose expense: OURS!!

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JennyLynn
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Re: Incarceration = NO CS order, not fair to our kid [Re: Cassie23]
      #599532 - 11/14/09 11:06 AM

<<Pretty>>

LMAO :)


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JennyLynn
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Re: Incarceration = NO CS order, not fair to our kid [Re: hessie30]
      #599533 - 11/14/09 11:08 AM

<<He gets a free ride this time and to whose expense: OURS!! >>

I understand your frustration, but he's hardly getting a free ride. He's facing the consequences to his actions. And while I understand that yes, it is at your son's expense, he is a criminal, and he has to have punishment for his crimes. Would you rather he not be sentenced to jail, simply b/c he has a child to support? That would never happen.

How is your son taking this? How long did you say you've been separated? Do you work?


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