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hessie30
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Reged: 11/14/09
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Re: Incarceration = NO CS order, not fair to our kid [Re: hessie30]
      #599537 - 11/14/09 11:15 AM

I felt like I was attacked when I was told that I should have known he was a loser before I had a baby with him. We married when we were 18 and have been married for 18 yrs. and he has not been a homeless,addict/alcoholic,jobless loser for many years. Our kid is 14, and he was a responsible human being for a long time!!

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JennyLynn
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Re: Incarceration = NO CS order, not fair to our kid [Re: hessie30]
      #599538 - 11/14/09 11:16 AM

<<Our kid is 14, and he was a responsible human being for a long time!! >>

Did something happen to cause him to change?

I have a friend who went through something similar. They were married young, had a child, were together 10 years when he was in a bad motorcycle accident - became hooked on pain pills, a drug addict, now is on/off the streets, homeless, etc. So I do understand how that can happen.

Edited by JennyLynn (11/14/09 11:16 AM)


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hessie30
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Re: Incarceration = NO CS order, not fair to our kid [Re: JennyLynn]
      #599540 - 11/14/09 11:18 AM

Yes he got mixed up in alcohola nd drugs and when I say it got him, IT REALLY GOT HIM. I didn't even know the man that was in court with me yesterday. I know the old guy he used to be and he's not that anymore that's for sure!!

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hessie30
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Re: Incarceration = NO CS order, not fair to our kid [Re: JennyLynn]
      #599544 - 11/14/09 11:33 AM

Our son is fine with all of it and pretty much knows how his dad is. He doesn't know he back in jail because until I knew something more concrete to tell him I don't think it would be beneficial in any way for son to now that. It would not be suprising to him either. He has no contact with dad and seems to be fine with that because he knows he could be caught up in some of his dad's crap if he is around him. He says he has no desire to talk to him or see him and he's now old enough and has seen enough to make those decisions. Son knows his dad is into drugs and alcohol amongst his other various activities. I do work full-time and go to school full-time. I will finish my associate next fall then onto my bachelors. We have been seperated 1.5 years. Our son is going blind in one eye so I also have 2 insurances on him since we see so amny specialists about his eye disease. He had cataract surgery this past summer and is doing good. It's PURE INSANITY contiuing to try to help someone who obviously doesn't want it. In the end I really believe now he likes that kind of lifestyle. His DOC is crack amongst any other drugs available at the time. It's really a sad situtation for all. His family alos has no contact with him because of his lifestyle and choices. He just got back in touch with his brother since he went to jail and the rest of them don't want him to have their addresses. He is in jail in a state where son and I are his only family and he has no friends except drug/no good friends and even they are no where to be found.

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JennyLynn
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Re: Incarceration = NO CS order, not fair to our kid [Re: hessie30]
      #599547 - 11/14/09 11:43 AM

I am so sorry to hear that. It sounds like you have a LOT on your plate.

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BeachBabeRN
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Re: Incarceration = NO CS order, not fair to our kid [Re: hessie30]
      #599548 - 11/14/09 11:46 AM

I don't appreciate you calling me something that needed to be censored. I merely voiced an opinion, which I will stick by.

You've been separated for greater than a year. As you've put it, you couldn't find him to serve him so you stepped up to the plate and did what you had to do. Although I do sympathize, I will stand by my opinion that you haven't had child support for the time that you've been separated and while it absolutely isn't fair, you can't get money from him while he's incarcerated.

When he comes out of jail/prison, he will hopefully have gotten clean and sober.....perhaps hiw viewpoint will have changed and he will voluntarily pay what he should have been paying all along. I saw the judge's ruling as holding it until the outcome of a criminal trial --

You haven't had an order for CS for the time that you've been separated and while it is wrong of him not to support his child, it's equally wrong to slap him with an order that CANNOT be enforced.

I'm sorry if you don't like my opinion but from the original post, it sounded as if you were speaking of a very young child and a short marriage. I couldn't possibly have given an informed opinion without information to work with.

I also absolutely agree with you that trying to help someone that doesn't want help is just banging your head against a wall. Addicts have to decide themselves that they need help.


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BeachBabeRN
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Re: Incarceration = NO CS order, not fair to our kid [Re: BeachBabeRN]
      #599549 - 11/14/09 11:48 AM

I do not attack -- FTR.

What has your son not gotten because his dad has the problems that he does? Aside from a parent, which is the most important thing there is.


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hessie30
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Re: Incarceration = NO CS order, not fair to our kid [Re: BeachBabeRN]
      #599550 - 11/14/09 11:52 AM

He has been paying me support since we've been seperated.

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JennyLynn
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Re: Incarceration = NO CS order, not fair to our kid [Re: hessie30]
      #599551 - 11/14/09 11:52 AM

Was there a CS order in place?

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BeachBabeRN
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Re: Incarceration = NO CS order, not fair to our kid [Re: JennyLynn]
      #599564 - 11/14/09 12:55 PM

Although he may have been paying you since you've been separated, without a CS order, that money is considered a gift -- he was not ordered to pay it.

If the very first CS issue that was heard by a court is the one that you're referencing, then it stands to reason that a judge wouldn't order something that simply CAN'T be paid, given his circumstances.

It would also be a huge help to those of us attempting to assist you if you gave all the information necessary to do that. You must realize that from all of your postings, you NEVER said that he had been paying you all along -- you said that you couldn't FIND him to serve him until he was in jail. It was a logical assumption that he hadn't been paying support, based on those statements.

I'm interested though -- how did he get the support to you? Was it in cash, delivered in person? Mail? did he pay it at the same time every month? If so, then what was the problem in serving him?


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