ZARDOZ
recently joined
Reged: 12/02/09
Posts: 8
|
|
So my wife of 13 years, leaves me, the kids, gives up the house and everything in it. She moves out (year ago this November) with only her belongings. Says that she no longer loves me & that I'm now too old for her (I'm 54 but said to look 46-ish, she's 41).
Once moved out she gets her nose pierced, gets a "Tramp Stamp" tattoo and starts an affair (without protection) with a 37 year old heavy metal nut job she met at the library where she works. He has no job, no car and sleeps on a 'friends' spare sofa. He uses the library's free computers and writes her heavy metal poetry/lyrics. She casually referred to him as her 'sole mate', but ended up dumping him six months later.
While she was with this first guy she rented a room in a house that has two other housemates who turned out to be druggies (she's not). She then met a new guy (patron) at her library. He looks like a very short, low budget Santana. Six months later she moves out of that house and in to an apt with a co-worker's 18 year old daughter and starts sleeping (again without protection) with this new heavy metal character. This one plays heavy metal/rock guitar, is 31 and drives a '90's Honda he calls the "Cougar Mobile" on his Facebook. He drives a forklift in a warehouse.
The divorce papers were finally filed two weeks ago (1 year from the month she left). She signed the papers last December but asked me to wait, until now to file. She gave me everything, the kids, house, her dogs and cats. I lost nothing, except what I thought was my best friend and wife.
I know I have to move on. And for the most part I am. I'd never want her back. That's not the issue.
My question is why do I still care what she does? Is it just male ego because she left me and hooked up with these losers. She rejected all she was and basically fell off (not down) the social ladder? She's become such white trash, which is so strange because she really is smart (136 IQ). I kinda feel she's thrown this "new" her in my face.
So what gives? I've had many girl friends, and several long term relationships. Why do I still have this mild obsession about this one?
|
Maury
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 8146
Loc: This Asylum --->
|
|
It is certainly not a nice situation or and ideal parenting arrangement. However, you are going to have to work on the anger issues.
Her choice to pierce her nose or get a tattoo is just that, her choice. She does not need your approval. Nor do the children need you to alienate them from the other parent with references to "tramp stamps" or other narrow minded and derogatory statements.
She can also associate with whom she pleases. I am not sure how you have acquired all of this information about her boyfriends past and present, or how you know she is having unprotected sex, but, in the end, not much of it is your business. You will have to work on getting over jealousies and being so judgmental.
It is human nature to be hurt, particularly when it was your ego that was stomped on. For whatever reason, it causes people to romanticize the good times they had with the departed ex and to fixate on what they do and with whom. Until you find your own footing, get rid of insecurities that may have been created, you will have to fight such feelings.
My question is why do I still care what she does? Is it just male ego because she left me and hooked up with these losers. She rejected all she was and basically fell off (not down) the social ladder? She's become such white trash, which is so strange because she really is smart (136 IQ). I kinda feel she's thrown this "new" her in my face.
So what gives? I've had many girl friends, and several long term relationships. Why do I still have this mild obsession about this one?
|
yregna
veteran
Reged: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
|
|
You should be paying her to behave this way, that is the law.
You have ZERO to whine and complain about, STFU and get off the forum. You should be writing her a huge check every month, and she can spit in your face on her way to the bank to cash it...
That is the law, fair and equal...
--------------------
"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..."
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"
|
Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20056
|
|
"and she can spit in your face on her way to the bank to cash it..."
Why would they go to the bank together, that doesn't even make sense.
|
pokey
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 07/16/09
Posts: 1786
|
|
It's a pride thing. all you can do now is sit tight and hope karma just slpes her in the face. She wants to act young and care free right now. One day she is going to grow up and want that family life back and if you where a good husband and father then you're the one that she's going to look back on and say "what in the hell did I do. These younger guys like her know because it's exciting that's all nothing else. I just hope for you that when she want's to come home, that you're alreay moved on and she has to sleep in the bed she's made. Good luck to you
--------------------
I have to go to work. Too many people on welfare depend on me.
|
Taboo
recently joined
Reged: 12/08/09
Posts: 3
Loc: KY
|
|
You have some brused ego issues. That's prefectly understandable. I have them myself. Just be carefull what you say around the kids about her. Its the worst thing you will have to, but for thier sake its worth it. She will see her mistake someday, your satisfaction will have to be with that. I don't think its a mystery why she would go after younger guys at this point in her life. Her labido is increasing as she gets older and she wants to sow some wild oats. Men go through the same thing only earlier. I would say thats one of your bigger hang ups since you mentioned her unprotected sex twice.
|
philivey
member
Reged: 11/10/09
Posts: 126
|
|
Doesn't Spousal Support depend on what state they live in? I live in wisconsin and if I were to get a divorce after 25 years all I think that would happen would be to split everything 50/50.
If the Original Poster wants to keep all the assets after all this woman has done. Doesn't he need her to sign a settlement so she can't come back and get him for half after she's realized what an idiot she's been????
|
timbuktu
journeyman
Reged: 09/26/09
Posts: 77
|
|
My husband of 14 years did something similar. Met a chick on the internet and after messing around with her for a very long time and lying to me about it..he left last January and moved in with her.
She was a real "honey", let me tell ya!! Her and my hubby were into the Swingers Lifestyle and after I did some digging on the internet..I found her MySpace account and everything about her life is posted on there in addition to her having her OWN Swingers Lifestyle account where she had posted, "Single woman looking for any kind of sex..any takers??" and she had posted that she liked having any and all kinds of sex with anyone out there..that her fantasy was to be with a large group of men..be the center of attention...and have them do anything and everything to her..she'd dance for them...do anything they wanted..just to be the center of attention.
What a sicko!!
But that's who he left me for..and I felt soo degraded that I'd tried to be a good wife to him all these years..helped him pick up all his pieces when he was in trouble..paid all the bills while he pretended to look for work, etc...and he leaves me for someone like that!!
Well, when he left in January..I didn't hear a word from him for 6 months, but heard through the grapevine that he'd moved in with her and that in April..they'd moved to California together.
In September...again, I heard through the grapevine that he was back in town..and that he was staying between a friend's house..and his mom's. A few weeks later, I went out to the garage and found a dog out there in a kennel..assuming it was his. Two days later, there's a note on the kennel from him, "Call me if you can" with his cell phone #.
I wasn't going there but a few days later, while out in the yard, he came walking up the driveway. He looked horrible...was wearing some sort of weird get up in clothes...was wearing some kind of "Liberache" chain around his neck...he had these geeky looking glasses on (he told me that he could no longer wear his contacts..supposedly from some virus he caught in his eye while out in California and that it just wouldn't go away..)..and I thought to myself, "OMG..what the heck happened to the good looking guy I married??".
Anyway..to make a long story short...he continued to come over here quite a bit while he was home and we became good friends. He had found a job he loved, had reconnected with old friends and seemed really happy everytime he was here. We spent an afternoon cleaning up the yard together and afterwards he brought steaks over, we cooked out with a few friends and it was wonderful.
From the jerk that left me in January..he was finally being the man I fell in love with as he was buying stuff for the puppies...was giving me money any chance he could (since he told me that he owed me the world for bailing him out all those times..and how truely sorry he was..)
But the thing was..he was still seeing this ugh of a woman and was planning on moving back to California (since he'd again..lost his job due to a 17 man layoff) which gave me nothing to go on but friendship.
I asked if she made him happy and he told me that he didn't know what he wanted anymore..she wanted him to get rid of his dog because she'd since moved into a Victorian house in California that she was renting that didn't allow pets..in addition to running her "Naked Massage Service" out of and she was paying him $350 a week cash to answer her phones and set up appts for her to get the women out on site.
I told him, "Sounds like an underground call girl service to me..." and his reply was, "Yeah..I know..but I need the money..without any work..all I've got is my unemployment."
I gave him a hug and told him how sorry I was and as he was hugging me back he said, "I love you sooo much babe.." and I said, "I love you too..you know that.." but then two weeks later, he told me that he was moving back to California..would probably be there for two years at least..and hopefully he'd find a job out there.
UGH!!
I had no choice after hearing that but to go down and file for divorce. I wasn't gonna wait around anymore as he was living with this woman..she was leading him around by the nose..and I had to somehow learn to move on with my life.
I hated doing it and the whole weekend before..I cried my eyes out. I don't think I've ever cried so much in my life but on Monday morning..I finally went down and filed for Pro Se.
I had tried to contact him all weekend about it because I didn't just wanna throw it at him..but his cell phone wasn't working so early Monday morning..I went down and filed.
Luckily..after I came home from Pro Se..he was standing in the yard playing with his dog. I walked up..he looked at me and said, "How's it going...looks like you've been crying..what's going on??!" and I had to tell him that I filed.
God!! I loved this man for 23 years..was married to him for 15...and now that he'd been so nice to me over these past weeks and really feels badly about what he did and is trying to make up for it..I've gotta tell him that I filed for divorce??
I just came out with it..told him how sorry I was and that I didn't WANT to do it...I just didn't have choices anymore since he was going back to California anyway.
He walked me back out front to his truck and said, "I know hon...I've been a real jerk..and I can't blame you. More than anything I want to make it up to you..and maybe once things are over...we can work something out. We get along better now than we have our entire marriage and maybe..getting this monkey off our backs..we can find a way to work this whole thing out and be together again.."
As his chick comes walking down the driveway!!
I looked at him and said, "I can't believe that you actually brought HER on our property....." and his reply was, "Hon..I thought you started work today..we were just getting a few things out of the garage..we're leaving for California today.."
UN...BELIEVABLE!!
|
Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20056
|
|
"What a sicko!!"
Hey, you're the one who snooped. Don't look for info you don't want to find.
"Anyway..to make a long story short..."
Really??
|
cssis4you
recently joined
Reged: 09/30/09
Posts: 21
|
|
I understand how you feel. My wife had an affair 5 years ago that devistated me, but I stayed with her. This year she decides she wants a divorce and I find out that she has been having another affair. Oh, in both cases the guy was married with children. She looses a bunch of weight and starts shopping at PacSun. My 14-year-old shops there. In her mind, life would be a lot more fun if she didn't have any responsibilities. My ex also is highly intelligent -- Masters degree and all. It's like she just lost her mind.
I'm like you. I'm moving on, but I can't quit hurting about the affair. I want to kill the guy I hate him so much. I also don't want her to be happier now than she was with me. I know it's selfish, and I'm sure it's ego, but it's the truth. I don't know what makes us care. I guess we just don't want them to believe they are better off without us. It probably also seems like she waisted all of the love and energy you put into her. That has to hurt also.
|
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
Edit
Reply
Quote
