uncertain78
recently joined
Reged: 12/04/09
Posts: 11
Loc: southern illinois
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I have been with my husband for 10 years, married for 3 yrs. We have had a very rocky relationship over the entire course. 4 years ago, we were living together, and he decided he didn't love me, and wanted me to move on with life. He moved out, I moved on. 3 months later he realized the grass wasn't greener, and came back. It took a long time for me to accept him. We then went on vacation with our daughter and my daughter from a previous marriage. There, he proposed, and 4 months later we were married, and a month later I was pregnant again. For several months he did everything he had promised, to get me back. But of course he went back to his old ways. As far as I know, this NEVER consisted of cheating. He has never had respect for me. He has always been selfish and inconsiderate. He never accepts blame for the things that he does or doesn't do, if he does "accept blame" he blames his reasoning for doing whatever he did, on something I caused. I am not perfect, but my life has revolved around my children, my husband, my house, and my job. I didn't run the bars, I didn't get drunk with my friends and lie about where I was, I didn't dwindle money away gambling.He did. I never lied. Period. His only complaint about me was that I am a smart ass. This is probably true.Several months ago he decided (again) that he doesn't love me and wanted divorce. So I all to quickly decided it was over. I began seeing someone. Of course then the husband wanted to come back again, but at that point I wasn't hearing of it. Now I miss having my family intact. I hate sharing my children. I hate being unsettled. I want him to change, I cannot accept who he is again. But everytime I talk to him, he only wants to discuss what I have did wrong. When I try to discuss his flaws, the conversation blows up and things get very ugly. I don't know rather to count my losses and move on, or be patient and wait on anger to lessen. 
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pokey
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 07/16/09
Posts: 1786
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He don't want you to be with anyone else. My ex did the same thing yours did. It's been five months since she left and now I don't know if I could take her back even if she wanted to now. I was hurt too bad to just forgive and forget.
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I have to go to work. Too many people on welfare depend on me.
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myheart
enthusiast
Reged: 05/21/09
Posts: 213
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"Now I miss having my family intact. I hate sharing my children. I hate being unsettled. "
Well this where they get us don't they??? Since no matter what does he do, you still find security in unsettled relationship. Is it rather be married than being a single mom? I was there too. I forgave him everytime, to keep my family intact, and everytime he wanted out, I would plead and even accept my faults, when they were not even my faults, just to make him happy and make him stay. The longer I did, more arrogant he became. And one final day on nothing, he said he wants to move out, I said go ahead, he was totally surprised, but in my heart I knew, I can go back to same cyle with him, yes we would have been together today, but on what expence??? Today I am alone, but I have my dignity and self respect, I don't have very selfish person with me everyday. I am not going to advice anything, but I would ask you to look at the examples he has provided you and make a wise decision.
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uncertain78
recently joined
Reged: 12/04/09
Posts: 11
Loc: southern illinois
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Thanks guys. It's nice to be able to vent to people who been where I am, and came out on top. How do you get yourself to the point of saying "I AM DONE!!"
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pokey
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 07/16/09
Posts: 1786
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It's been 5 months for me. I guess 5 months of not hearing I love you or talking about working it out in any way is doing it for me. I was with her for 8 years. I just figure if she's going to be that selfish then she will get what she deserves. She had a husband that wouldhave loved her forever but she wants to get out there and see what's out there then I just had to let her go. I'm doing fine on my own now. I spend a lot of time with the kids and I seem to do a lot more with them. She's the one missing out not me.
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I have to go to work. Too many people on welfare depend on me.
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myheart
enthusiast
Reged: 05/21/09
Posts: 213
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Same here, 5 months. Not working so hard for whole month to see two days smile on his face, and looking forward to go home to rest every which way, not having anziety attach waht will be waiting for me at home today. But I will not say I am done, it is on going process, I go through my ups and down, many times daily, but I am hoping effect will be less and less. Because I know I am a good person, I know what to give a relationship, devotion, hard work and lots of love, and I know he didn't know to appreciate that. He is the one who is missing and he will be the one who will be alone, but I will not.
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uncertain78
recently joined
Reged: 12/04/09
Posts: 11
Loc: southern illinois
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We actually spent today together without fighting, which was nice. But I am left wondering, is it HIM that I want back, or just normalcy? I don't see him EVER changing. In fact I think he is getting worse. He is so cocky and arrogant. He always wants to "even the score". I wish I could look into my crystal ball...
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uncertain78
recently joined
Reged: 12/04/09
Posts: 11
Loc: southern illinois
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ok, so we have tried to work things out several times since my last post. It never seems to work. I feel like I cant give it all I have anymore. He is, but I don't feel like it's genuine. He is on my case non-stop, checking up on me, still continues to belittle, still continues to cry divorce with every disagreement. I, on the other hand, am full of anger, resentment, and attitude. I wish I knew when enough is enough. We have both been dating other people over the course of the last few months. Everytime things don't work out between us we quickly run right back to the people we left on the sideline. Our children don't want us together because of the fighting. This has been going on since september, and I am not sure how much longer I can handle this rollercoaster of emotions...any advice???
Edited by uncertain78 (02/15/10 02:32 PM)
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